Dating someone with a lot of baggage. Is it worth it? (marrying, women)

[Miborn]

Originally Posted by NooYowkur81

It's only been a few weeks. It's still very very early. I can easily pull away. Like I said I'm torn because I do like her, and part of me thinks she's worth a gamble.

I think that you answered your own question..... Its difficult to find people who we think we are compatible you will not know if you don't give it a go!

[Roaddog]

Personaly i would let it go, I don't like the up and down thing, you have already seen it at two weeks, I don't think thats a good sign.

[Huckleberry3911948]

lots of baggage is ok, we used to call that experience. high maintenance is not good. however low maintenance and baggage works for me --- hey but what do i know, i spend my life alone sitting in front of a keyboard posting on CD.

[Twinkle Toes]

Listen to those warning bells blaring in your head, dude!

I have a brother who started seeing a gal with some baggage! I won't even go into her story, but she had some financial problems so he started helping her out by giving her money. Then she got to the point where she just expected him to give her money. Oh, and all this time she just wanted to be "friends" and he was falling in love with her. This last time she called him, asked him for money and he gave it to her. she said "I'll call you" and never did. Of course the whole time I was telling him not to be a sucker. Now I think he's finally gotten the message.

So, whatever you do, don't offer to help with someone's finances. If she starts telling you about how in debt she is or whatever just say "gee, I'm sorry to hear that." and leave it at that.

[artsyguy]

Not in my experience. It is a painful and emotionally suffocating mess.

[pirate girl]

She sounds a little bipolar to me......... I think I'd head for the hills as well. Tell her if she ever straightens herself out she can get in touch.

[miu]

Listen to your warning bells. People can't be fixed. She's got emotional and financial issues... and it sounds like she has no desire to fix the situation for good. Don't make the mistake of trying to be her white knight. You say that she's your type physically? So are you saying that she is pretty? Probably she has been getting by on just her looks and nice personality, but not using her brain or developing her commonsense. Run far away from her.

[MonaLisaVito]

I have to agree with the people on here that say to run from her. I'm interested to know your ages??

I little baggage is alright, but someone with multiple problems is a big no no for me. If she is relatively young, there's always room for growing up and improvement on her part though. I guess you have to decide how much your willing to put up with and if you see in her the ability to overcome her problems or get the help she needs. But she has to be the one to help herself and you can be there to support her.

I'm intereseted in your ages for one reason. When my husband and I started dating I was a teenager. I had recently been raped before we got together and I had a ton of baggage that came along with that and not dealing with it properly, not reporting it and not obtaining any type of counseling. My husband tried so hard to help me, but I didn't want the help. He broke up with me four times over a two year period. Finally, he realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me despite my "problems". With his help and patience and understanding and me finally realizing I wanted my life back - I was able to regain it back. I went from being a man hating, emotionally unstable and insecure young lady to the person I am today, which is baggage free. I am the most secure and stable person I know nowadays. I'm so thankful that he stood by me.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Bunky39

lots of baggage is ok, we used to call that experience. high maintenance is not good. however low maintenance and baggage works for me --- hey but what do i know, i spend my life alone sitting in front of a keyboard posting on CD.

Sometimes the "baggage" thing can be so deceiving... Many are afraid of kids, financial issues, etc., while somebody can look so good and together on the surface and have such a heavy trunk... I have an acquaintance who has in his profile the following requirement - baggage has to fit in the overhead compartment.

[mommabear2]

Originally Posted by NooYowkur81

I very recently started dating a woman. Physically she is totally my type. I like her personality. We also have a lot of things in common. She seems to have a good heart, and seems like a good person.

However, she has quite the bit of baggage. She recently just got out of a 3 year relationship. She also has untreated depression. Not to mention she's got financial issues that add to her depression and baggage.

Her behavior can be very erratic. When she's up, she spontaneous and fun and it's great, when she's down things get awkward. At times I feel like I'm being a little cold, but I just don't want to invest myself too much, considering the risks.

All this stuff is ringing up warning bells in my head. A part of me wants to run away, but part of me wants to give her a chance. I'm torn because I like her and I want to help her, but I also don't want to expose myself and end up hurt, or just end up being used as some kinda rebound shoulder to cry on guy.

Any advice?

At the very least, you should be honest about it and express your concerns - at least about the untreated depression and her erratic behavior. She sounds bipolar...