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Old 05-06-2014, 06:42 AM
 
171 posts, read 306,992 times
Reputation: 123

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My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years. We have 2 kids, nine and four. We have the same stresses as any family, although she just survived a fight with breast cancer and has an outpatient surgery scheduled this month. Both have good jobs. However, whenever I try to hug my wife, she does not reciprocate. She doesn't say hello or good morning to me. Shows no affection. I finally spoke to her about this with her recently, but she didn't really have anything to say about it other than she's been under a lot of stress. However, this situation has been going on for over a year. It's like all I'm there for is to be an employee of the family.

I love my wife and I know she's been through a lot recently. However, why is it so hard for her to be affectionate with me?
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:00 AM
 
3,452 posts, read 4,594,480 times
Reputation: 4985
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeStreet View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years. We have 2 kids, nine and four. We have the same stresses as any family, although she just survived a fight with breast cancer and has an outpatient surgery scheduled this month. Both have good jobs. However, whenever I try to hug my wife, she does not reciprocate. She doesn't say hello or good morning to me. Shows no affection. I finally spoke to her about this with her recently, but she didn't really have anything to say about it other than she's been under a lot of stress. However, this situation has been going on for over a year. It's like all I'm there for is to be an employee of the family.

I love my wife and I know she's been through a lot recently. However, why is it so hard for her to be affectionate with me?

Sounds to me like her problem is a mix between stress and just plain ole boredom. You guys need some husband....wife....vacation time. Your wife is most likely worn out mentally....emotionally....and physically.

You need to take her away for a few days.

Some place where she can relax and get her mind clear.

You also need to make it a point to knock her socks off in the bedroom while you guys are away.

Make her feel sexy. Give it to her so good that her toes curl.

She needs some away time.

If this doesn't work then you need to seriously think about your marriage.

You do not have to live in a home where your wife will not give you the physical affection you desire.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:19 AM
 
Location: In the realm of possiblities
2,707 posts, read 2,823,500 times
Reputation: 3280
To the OP, I would imagine your wife has a lot on her mind with the breast cancer surgery, a job, kids, and trying to help run a home. It could be possible that she could benefit from some time with a breast cancer support group. Maybe she is feeling like no one understands her situation. Regardless, this will take patience, and understanding on your part, to be able to see it through.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Midwest
706 posts, read 1,201,153 times
Reputation: 880
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeStreet View Post
My wife and I have been married for almost 12 years. We have 2 kids, nine and four. We have the same stresses as any family, although she just survived a fight with breast cancer and has an outpatient surgery scheduled this month. Both have good jobs. However, whenever I try to hug my wife, she does not reciprocate. She doesn't say hello or good morning to me. Shows no affection. I finally spoke to her about this with her recently, but she didn't really have anything to say about it other than she's been under a lot of stress. However, this situation has been going on for over a year. It's like all I'm there for is to be an employee of the family.

I love my wife and I know she's been through a lot recently. However, why is it so hard for her to be affectionate with me?
Are you kidding me!!!! I can't even imagine what is going on in her head and you're asking her this??

I'm sorry this may be hard on u but it's way worse on her. She probably thinking how she could die and leave her children!!

How would u feel if your nuts cut off or somehow they cut off your penis? Would you fell like less of a man? Most likely yes. Now how would u feel if your wife cane to you and said "you're not giving me what I need"

Think out of the box will ya? I've worked with women how have lost their beasts and it's taken them a very long time to come to terms with it. They feel like less of a woman and that's not only in regards to how a man would see them. It's internally. On top of that she's fight for life.

Ugh!! Think out of the box.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:33 AM
 
Location: DFW
40,919 posts, read 48,833,863 times
Reputation: 54900
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman View Post
Sounds to me like her problem is a mix between stress and just plain ole boredom. You guys need some husband....wife....vacation time. Your wife is most likely worn out mentally....emotionally....and physically.

You need to take her away for a few days.

Some place where she can relax and get her mind clear.

You also need to make it a point to knock her socks off in the bedroom while you guys are away.

Make her feel sexy. Give it to her so good that her toes curl.

She needs some away time.
This.

Start getting away from home at least once every 2-3 months. Forget the kids, forget the dirty clothes.

Go talk, Go play, go have sex and if this does not work then you know you have other problems.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
38,967 posts, read 27,331,955 times
Reputation: 15909
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeStreet View Post
We have the same stresses as any family, although she just survived a fight with breast cancer and has an outpatient surgery scheduled this month.
My aunt is a stage four breast cancer survivor. I can tell you that having a normal relationship with her is like a roller coaster ride.

You said you have the same stresses as any family. No You haven't. You have a wife who just went through breast cancer battle. If not hugging you anymore is the only thing you have to worry about, consider yourself lucky.

I know it sucks, but life with your wife will not be the same after a while.

"Facing a breast cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming. Your stress levels may skyrocket. You may worry about finances and about your body image. You may also be asking yourself difficult questions, such as whether to write a living will. With education and supportive care, you may be better able to deal with the many issues and emotions you're experiencing."

Emotional Aspects of Breast Cancer

Your wife should join a survivor support group. You join a spousal support group. But don't expect the normal stuff anytime soon, it is not going to happen
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,755 posts, read 11,941,930 times
Reputation: 30130
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
My aunt is a stage four breast cancer survivor. I can tell you that having a normal relationship with her is like a roller coaster ride.

You said you have the same stresses as any family. No You haven't. You have a wife who just went through breast cancer battle. If not hugging you anymore is the only thing you have to worry about, consider yourself lucky.

I know it sucks, but life with your wife will not be the same after a while.

"Facing a breast cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming. Your stress levels may skyrocket. You may worry about finances and about your body image. You may also be asking yourself difficult questions, such as whether to write a living will. With education and supportive care, you may be better able to deal with the many issues and emotions you're experiencing."

Emotional Aspects of Breast Cancer

Your wife should join a survivor support group. You join a spousal support group. But don't expect the normal stuff anytime soon, it is not going to happen
^^^^ This.

Great post, lily!!
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,230,264 times
Reputation: 30254
I'm going to make a wild assumption and say there's a third party involved.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,755 posts, read 11,941,930 times
Reputation: 30130
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I'm going to make a wild assumption and say there's a third party involved.


That's just so out there I can't even believe you posted it. The OP's wife is facing a killer disease and you think she's cheating?
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Old 05-06-2014, 08:11 AM
 
171 posts, read 306,992 times
Reputation: 123
Thank you all for your posts and your concern about my wife. We were extremely lucky that it was caught early and the analysis post treatment revealed that, as of a couple of months ago, she is cancer free. Not trying to diminish what she has gone through, and she still has a life of check ups, anxiety, and potential surgeries ahead of her. Just thought you all would like to know.
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