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So my ex broke up with me a year ago. We didn't speak for about half that time. He then tried desperately to talk to me by contacting my sister then finally emailing me. He dropped a note off at my house in my mailbox in January.. I gave in & gave him my new #. We talked almost everyday & he said he wished things were different & that he missed me a ton. Basically told me how he's making his life better for us.. We met up a few times & kissed, nothing else. I could have slept with him but I have not & he's tried on a few occasions.
he told me he never wanted to hurt me again but was very busy with school. -Then he sorta just stopped texting me all the time. I told him I loved him & could not be just friends with him. He responded with he's making too many moves forward & wants to be real close friends. & dosnt understand why we can't. He also added That he would never string me along or put me on the back burner...
He still randomly texts me & said he got me a gift when he was in Spain. (The whole time he was in Spain he texted me.)
When he got back I didn't hear from him at all for a week. Then all of a sudden he wanted to meet up.??
I've completely blown him off because I love him & I'm so freakn confused..
I don't understand what is happening? He knows how I feel about him. Is he playing games with me? He knows I can't be friends. What should I do? We dated for 8 years.
I've never felt such terrible pain in my life...
So my ex broke up with me a year ago. We didn't speak for about half that time. He then tried desperately to talk to me by contacting my sister then finally emailing me. He dropped a note off at my house in my mailbox in January.. I gave in & gave him my new #. We talked almost everyday & he said he wished things were different & that he missed me a ton. Basically told me how he's making his life better for us.. We met up a few times & kissed, nothing else. I could have slept with him but I have not & he's tried on a few occasions.
he told me he never wanted to hurt me again but was very busy with school. -Then he sorta just stopped texting me all the time. I told him I loved him & could not be just friends with him. He responded with he's making too many moves forward & wants to be real close friends. & dosnt understand why we can't. He also added That he would never string me along or put me on the back burner...
He still randomly texts me & said he got me a gift when he was in Spain. (The whole time he was in Spain he texted me.)
When he got back I didn't hear from him at all for a week. Then all of a sudden he wanted to meet up.??
I've completely blown him off because I love him & I'm so freakn confused..
I don't understand what is happening? He knows how I feel about him. Is he playing games with me? He knows I can't be friends. What should I do? We dated for 8 years.
I've never felt such terrible pain in my life...
He wants sex.
You can either give it up to him and put yourself in the "side chick" category OR cut him off completely and begin process of moving on so you can find a the right guy.
Don't be like so many other women and continue to entertain exes that are not even in love with you.
He is stringing you along, and succeeding, knowing how you feel about him. He will keep playing you until you take a huge bite of that hook he keeps dangling in front of you. That is emotional and mental abuse. If I want to be friends with a woman, I don't kiss her, say sweet nothings to her, and lead her on when I'm away. And if I know she's getting/has serious feelings, "in love" as you put it, I don't keep throwing out the hook and bait to her, I cut her loose 100% for her own good and my peace. You're being played and it will continue as long as you allow yourself to be played with your emotions. It will hurt, but which will hurt more if you find out he's just after non-committed booty calls. Hey, if you want to put yourself through that mental and emotional roller coaster, then by all means, it's a free country...
My philosophy, never go backwards, move forward, a new chapter without looking back at all...
I agree. He's too busy to commit to you; time to cut him--and yourself--loose. It hurts a lot, but it will pass. Let yourself grieve, get angry if you want, and let yourself move forward.
Is he playing games with me? He knows I can't be friends. What should I do? We dated for 8 years.
Yes, he is playing games with you, especially if you've been broken up for a year. His erratic communication means that he's probably out there dating or seeing people and then contacts you when things don't work out with them.
I know this is hard. My ex tried to do the same thing, and we were together almost as long as you and your ex. It appears he has launched into a rebound relationship, but that didn't stop him from trying to keep contact, and even telling me he loved me, speaking to me the way he used to when we were together, (using pet names, inside jokes, etc.), the whole bit. Still gave me gifts, too.
Here's the thing: Your ex misses the emotional support he had from you. It's apparent in the way he told you he's making "too many moves forward" and wants to be "close friends." He needs the ego boost of having a number one fan to encourage him in his success and listen to him when he has a bad day. He's still getting the feeling of being loved from you, while he's not yet at that stage with someone new. Thing is, you can be sure that once your ex starts getting emotional closeness (not to mention regular sex) from someone else, he will disappear, and you will be hurt all over again.
After 8 years together, his behavior is the very height of selfishness and disrespect, not only for you, but for what you once had. Don't you think that after all that time together, you deserve to rank a little higher than safety net?
This talk about making things better for the two of you is malarkey. If he wanted to build a future with you, he'd be telling you flat out that he wants to get back together. He'd want to seal the deal by making things official with you, not showing up on your doorstep like a feral cat who hasn't caught any mice in a while and knows you'll feed it if it makes enough noise. He certainly wouldn't leave you unattached and in a position to meet other people, one of whom could take you away from him for good.
Sorry for the novel here, but I totally feel your pain. Best thing you can do is go no contact. Tell him you don't want to see or hear from him, and then block him in every possible way: phones, email, social media. He can't take from you if you don't let him.
Last edited by Lilac110; 05-06-2014 at 08:20 AM..
Reason: brevity
He wants sex. He wants to play mind games. He wants nothing positive out of this.
Telling him if he does not cease contact with you then you will be forced to get a restraining order.
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