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Old 05-06-2014, 07:21 PM
 
30 posts, read 27,587 times
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I have a relatively strong marriage with my husband except one stepson who is rude disrespectful and bullies my kids. However my other stepson has always been friendly to me. He is out of the house and has grown into a charming young man. During one conversation I had with him he hesitated about saying something about DH. I was finally able to get him to tell me that my husband divorced his first wife due to his infidelity. He then went onto say during one time they had dinner together my husband told him he was going to visit a friend of his afterwards. My heart literally stopped. Then he told me that I should give him the benefit of the doubt because trust is important in a relationship. What should I do? Does my stepson have some sort of agenda?
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,264 posts, read 81,764,852 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sludlowe View Post
I have a relatively strong marriage with my husband except one stepson who is rude disrespectful and bullies my kids. However my other stepson has always been friendly to me. He is out of the house and has grown into a charming young man. During one conversation I had with him he hesitated about saying something about DH. I was finally able to get him to tell me that my husband divorced his first wife due to his infidelity. He then went onto say during one time they had dinner together my husband told him he was going to visit a friend of his afterwards. My heart literally stopped. Then he told me that I should give him the benefit of the doubt because trust is important in a relationship. What should I do? Does my stepson have some sort of agenda?
Even if your husband has a history of having cheated on his first wife, that does not necessarily mean he is cheating on you.

You either trust the man you married or you don't.

If you are sure he is trustworthy then you let the past be the past.

The time to have asked about it was BEFORE you married, not now. Though if you want to talk about this at all, do so with your husband only, not his son.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:25 PM
 
34,832 posts, read 33,728,133 times
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Maybe you should talk to your husband since you have a "relatively" strong marriage and quit taking the absolute word from a step son who is gossiping.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Maybe you should talk to your husband since you have a "relatively" strong marriage and quit taking the absolute word from a step son who is gossiping.
He has always been great to me. One of the nicest kids I ever met. Simple gossip is out of his character.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:28 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 51,082,077 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sludlowe View Post

1. He then went onto say during one time they had dinner together my husband told him he was going to visit a friend of his afterwards.
2. What should I do?
3. Does my stepson have some sort of agenda?
1. Maybe I'm missing something but what sunk you about that? Sounds perfectly innocuous to me.
2. Ask your stepson what he means.
3. Ask him.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:29 PM
 
13,590 posts, read 11,444,586 times
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Do you feel that your relationship with your husband is bare and honest enough that he would have confessed his truth to you at some point? I know since my divorce I have been brutally honest and open with my close friends and men I have cared for about my part in the downfall of my 20 year marriage.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:29 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 51,082,077 times
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Originally Posted by sludlowe View Post
Simple gossip is out of his character.
But that's exactly what it sounds like.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:31 PM
 
30 posts, read 27,587 times
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Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Do you feel that your relationship with your husband is bare and honest enough that he would have confessed his truth to you at some point? I know since my divorce I have been brutally honest and open with my close friends and men I have cared for about my part in the downfall of my marriage.
I don't know. Any sane cheater would never tell his/her spouse. However he has gone out shopping recently. Started putting more effort into his appearance. According to my step son he did this when there was a new woman around
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:37 PM
 
30 posts, read 27,587 times
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Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
But that's exactly what it sounds like.
I also had to coax this out of him he didn't simply mention it.
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Old 05-06-2014, 07:38 PM
 
13,590 posts, read 11,444,586 times
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Originally Posted by sludlowe View Post
I don't know. Any sane cheater would never tell his/her spouse.
Not necessarily true. Cheating often arises out of circumstances within the marriage, and human weakness that leads to regrettable mistakes. To embark on a new marriage after divorce is gutsy, and to make it work requires brutal honesty to oneself and a resolve to do better.

Does his story about why he divorced seem complete?

There is a chance he is a natural liar and cheater, a selfish man, but only you can say what you know about him.
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