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Old 05-15-2014, 07:42 PM
 
26 posts, read 29,125 times
Reputation: 46

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Here's the story.
I have been living out of state for several months, moved temporary into my grandparents home in arizona to help care for my grandmother who has been recovering from major surgery. during this time i have been away from my family and girlfriend and i think it's been a little too long, but will be moving back home in the next couple weeks.
A year or so ago my girlfriend and i promised ourselves to each other by buying promise rings, we have been committed to each other for awhile now, planning marriage in the near future. we seldom fight and almost always get along. the only major argument we ever had was over her still being friends with an ex-boyfriend and i got a little suspicious, other than that we always had a good relationship, or so i thought.
She acted very understanding about me going away to help my grandparents but now i am getting very suspicious of what she's doing on her free time.
A short time after we got our promise rings i got access to her email address and password, she forgot i kept her password. while going thru her email i found out she belongs to a dating service and she signed up for it long before we started dating but she's still a member.
I checked out this dating site and was able to log in with the same password she used for her email. didn't see anything suspicious all this time, but the other day i logged in the dating site and found she recently started chatting with a guy she met on this site, telling him how handsome his photo is and how she's looking for a new guy to meet.
I am really upset about what i found but don't really want to tell her that i was snooping on her email or found the dating site and logged in with her password, that would make me look like an ass. i want to know how to confront her in a calm way with my suspicions that she's attempting to cheat. from what i read in the conversation on this dating site i don't think she's seeing this guy yet but everything seems to be in order for an affair to happen behind my back.
So please help, what should i do?
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Old 05-15-2014, 07:47 PM
 
101 posts, read 92,735 times
Reputation: 101
Install a keylogger. Use wire shark to collect packets and isolate each one, then reconstruct each packet to determine what she's actually saying. GPS location loggers can be purchased for 50 dollars or so. They will track her movement for around a week or so without having to replace the batteries. You can plot her routes using common software, such as google maps

Compile the data and hatch a plan.


You can then disguise your own post on the dating site and lure her in. Invite her to a hotel room and then let the hammer drop ala Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies.
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Old 05-15-2014, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,138 posts, read 54,259,231 times
Reputation: 72911
Why confront? Just dump.
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Old 05-15-2014, 07:59 PM
 
26 posts, read 29,125 times
Reputation: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Why confront? Just dump.
Uh, well that's what i plan to do once i actually catch her cheating but she hasn't met this guy in person yet, so she's not actually cheating but she's attempting to.
I don't want to just dump her without confronting, i want her to know that i know what she's up to. i just don't want her to know that i logged in her email or this dating site and found out that way. but on the other hand maybe i should tell her i did, she really can't wiggle her way out of it no matter how i confront her.
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,262 posts, read 44,600,673 times
Reputation: 90481
If you're even thinking about marriage, you have to grow up and be honest. You can't have it both ways.

Tell her everything. Tell her exactly as you wrote it here, and then tell her you want to break up.

You're both lying. Why continue the charade??
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,138 posts, read 54,259,231 times
Reputation: 72911
Quote:
Originally Posted by special mixx View Post
Uh, well that's what i plan to do once i actually catch her cheating but she hasn't met this guy in person yet, so she's not actually cheating but she's attempting to.
I don't want to just dump her without confronting, i want her to know that i know what she's up to. i just don't want her to know that i logged in her email or this dating site and found out that way. but on the other hand maybe i should tell her i did, she really can't wiggle her way out of it no matter how i confront her.
Why??!!!! Even being on the site is enough.

Why drag this out? With is she going to say that can possibly make one bit of difference?

Move on and forget about confrontation and answers and all that crap that is just about ego and being right or whatever.

Move on.
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:06 PM
 
Location: northwest Illinois
2,331 posts, read 2,708,074 times
Reputation: 2436
I agree with the others. She needs to be OLD news! What the hell were the promise rings for if she won't stay true to you? KICK her ass to the curb bro!!
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:10 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 41,664,169 times
Reputation: 62165
Quote:
Originally Posted by special mixx View Post
Here's the story.
I have been living out of state for several months, moved temporary into my grandparents home in arizona to help care for my grandmother who has been recovering from major surgery. during this time i have been away from my family and girlfriend and i think it's been a little too long, but will be moving back home in the next couple weeks.
A year or so ago my girlfriend and i promised ourselves to each other by buying promise rings, we have been committed to each other for awhile now, planning marriage in the near future. we seldom fight and almost always get along. the only major argument we ever had was over her still being friends with an ex-boyfriend and i got a little suspicious, other than that we always had a good relationship, or so i thought.
She acted very understanding about me going away to help my grandparents but now i am getting very suspicious of what she's doing on her free time.
A short time after we got our promise rings i got access to her email address and password, she forgot i kept her password. while going thru her email i found out she belongs to a dating service and she signed up for it long before we started dating but she's still a member.
I checked out this dating site and was able to log in with the same password she used for her email. didn't see anything suspicious all this time, but the other day i logged in the dating site and found she recently started chatting with a guy she met on this site, telling him how handsome his photo is and how she's looking for a new guy to meet.
I am really upset about what i found but don't really want to tell her that i was snooping on her email or found the dating site and logged in with her password, that would make me look like an ass. i want to know how to confront her in a calm way with my suspicions that she's attempting to cheat. from what i read in the conversation on this dating site i don't think she's seeing this guy yet but everything seems to be in order for an affair to happen behind my back.
So please help, what should i do?

It does not make you "look" like an ass, it makes you much worse than that as well as not trustworthy, insecure, paranoid and controlling.
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:16 PM
 
101 posts, read 92,735 times
Reputation: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
It does not make you "look" like an ass, it makes you much worse than that as well as not trustworthy, insecure, paranoid and controlling.
He's obviously smart though. I mean, you can't ignore the elephant in the room.


I find the cognitive dissonance on your part amusing. He's not trustworthy?
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:18 PM
 
26 posts, read 29,125 times
Reputation: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
If you're even thinking about marriage, you have to grow up and be honest. You can't have it both ways.

Tell her everything. Tell her exactly as you wrote it here, and then tell her you want to break up.

You're both lying. Why continue the charade??
I am going to break up with her but i'm just really pissed right now and need advice.
So how should i tell her i found out about her attempted cheating by snooping on her email and dating site? this isn't going to be easy for me, i never had to do this before.
I know exactly how she's going to react when i break up with her, not well at all.
How should i tell her, on the phone, in person, or what? the few times we had arguments we always talked it out in person but i'm afraid this is going to be nasty.
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