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This came up in another thread and the thread starter was hurt to the point of considering ending the relationship. In her case, her one downfall had to do with her having less interest in outdoor activities than him, so it wasn't even a core issue like character or attractiveness. Other than this mismatch in one area of interest, she was "perfect" for him. However, she became aware of a woman from his past who was similarly "perfect", plus had a matched interest in the outdoors.
Would you be deeply hurt if you were in her place? Would you be hurt if you believed an ex was "better" than you in some area that hit closer to home, like character or attractiveness?
Some are third, fourth and fifth choices. People don't often land their best match with their first relationship
Everyone is going to be worse or better at some things than previous. You can't view it like that unless you want to make your relationships about "who is doing what" and treat everything like a scorecard
Last edited by rego00123; 05-16-2014 at 10:58 AM..
This came up in another thread and the thread starter was hurt to the point of considering ending the relationship. In her case, her one downfall had to do with her having less interest in outdoor activities than him, so it wasn't even a core issue like character or attractiveness. Other than this mismatch in one area of interest, she was "perfect" for him. However, she became aware of a woman from his past who was similarly "perfect", plus had a matched interest in the outdoors.
Would you be deeply hurt if you were in her place? Would you be hurt if you believed an ex was "better" than you in some area that hit closer to home, like character or attractiveness?
Exes are Exes for a reason.
Who you had relations with should not even be a discussion unless the other person asks.
I could never take a woman seriously that felt the need to voluntarily bring up her exes in conversation.
Serious sign that she has not yet gotten over him emotionally...which is a definite deal breaker for me.
From that thread I believe most happened before, or a few day into her dating the guy. He hardly know her yet, so maybe she became his first choice then.
Honestly, I wouldn't do very well as someone's back-up choice, that's probably an immaturity I should work on, but I don't see it changing. Even when I was younger, if I saw a guy hitting on some women, and then hit on me it was an absolute no, didn't matter what he looked like.
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I wouldn't care. So long as he seemed to care about me, respect me, and genuinely be invested in me as a person. Sometimes not everyone gets to come first. Some people date and get heartbroken many times before they meet that one solid match.
So, if I ever manage to land myself a man I was attracted to, and he treated me well, and we had communication and stability, then I wouldn't dump him for a past he can't change. His old relationships are in the past, so long as he's not still seeing any of the women. lol And he didn't outright say "You are nothing compared to her."
WHat happens if someone had a lover who died. If you ask, and they tell you they loved them, would just dump them because they had someone before you?
I find trouble comes when you compare yourself to other people with relationships.
A crush I have on a character in series I read has many women. He was with one woman we met, and she tells us he also had a relationship with her mother. Her mother has passed away long ago by this point, and he got with her. She just seemed to have nothing but love for him, and cared that he was a good man, and good lover to her. What he had with her mother when she was still a teenager had nothing to do with what she had with him then--before she died as well.
Different people make for different relationships, so just because they did it with one doesn't mean they will be that way with you.
People also grow and change over the course of some relationships as well which is something to factor in.
Like how one girl used to be very promiscuous, and slept with lots of guys--brothers, uncles, etc. Then when she got with her future husband, she made him wait for sex. He found out and wondered why she gave it up so fast with the others but won't sleep with him. She wasn't the same girl, and didn't care for those guys. She started to care about him, and wanted an adult relationship.
Or a casual relation is very open to sexual things, and orgies. But if they get with someone officially, they won't tolerate any of that. It was a different relationship.
Last edited by HappyRain; 05-16-2014 at 11:15 AM..
I recall another poster in that thread stating that, in the age of pre-internet/technology, no one had any way of knowing whether he/she wasn't someone's first pick, unless that person (directly/indirectly) told him/her.
I thought this was a rather interesting point...
I wouldn't take well to being labeled/thought of as my future husband's second best. In fact, it would be a deal breaker.
Who you had relations with should not even be a discussion unless the other person asks.
I could never take a woman seriously that felt the need to voluntarily bring up her exes in conversation.
Serious sign that she has not yet gotten over him emotionally...which is a definite deal breaker for me.
Anyone who is holding someone new up to the measuring stick of some ex shows they have not fully moved on or reconciled why it did not work with their ex. They are just asking for trouble.
This came up in another thread and the thread starter was hurt to the point of considering ending the relationship. In her case, her one downfall had to do with her having less interest in outdoor activities than him, so it wasn't even a core issue like character or attractiveness. Other than this mismatch in one area of interest, she was "perfect" for him. However, she became aware of a woman from his past who was similarly "perfect", plus had a matched interest in the outdoors.
I have never been in a relationship before but I can clearly understand what you are saying and asking here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Would you be deeply hurt if you were in her place? Would you be hurt if you believed an ex was "better" than you in some area that hit closer to home, like character or attractiveness?
So my answer is YES, surely.If I was in her place I certainly wouldn't want to be her "second choice" be in any area for that matter, in that case I would say she doesn't deserve me.
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I think everyone marries or loves at least their second choice and/or goes down the list. Everyone has a first choice that is probably a sexy celebrity they'll never meet anyway.
I'm pretty sure most guys are a woman's second choice.
Think about it, you ask her out/approach her/etc
and she chooses yes or no.
Her first choice could have been the guy who never gave her a second look but she had to settle with you because you were interested in her and the first-choice guy wasn't.
As well, most women are a guy's second choice. Every guy would love to date Eve Mendez or whomever but realistic enough to know they won't get her.
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