How to approach wife about divorce? (child support, friend, responsible, feeling)
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OP how do you think your kids will react...given you are planning to do this even though the timing is poor.
I won't do it right now. I will wait for a while but I have to start preparations for how I'll do it.
I think my kids will react fine, I'll calmly speak with them and explain I've found someone else I want to be with so their mother and I are getting a divorce. They are all adults so there's no reason for them not to understand. My love for them doesn't change with a divorce so I can't see where's the problem.
Make it easy by giving your wife everything, that's the smoothest way to break it off. Consider it the prize she's earned for having to be with an ungrateful, cheating spouse for 32 years.
If this is a real post I truly hope you tell her ASAP. How utterly awful to be married to someone who doesn't care about your loss, it must be terribly lonely already for her.
I don't really see a reason to rub salt in the wound by telling your kids you found another woman. They are your kids, they don't need those kinds of details for why you are leaving their mother.
As for when to tell the wife? I think she'll feel equally as betrayed whether you wait three months or three years.
Another reason I don't believe in "staying together for the kids". I'm a child of divorce. My parents got divorced when I was about 14. It was rough for a few years, but thank GOD they did when they did. I can't imagine them hanging on to that crap for 10 more years. As far as I'm concerned, it should have happened by the time I was 5. I was damaged more seeing an unhealthy relationship, my relationship with both of them strengthened when they finally got their own lives apart.
I won't do it right now. I will wait for a while but I have to start preparations for how I'll do it.
I think my kids will react fine, I'll calmly speak with them and explain I've found someone else I want to be with so their mother and I are getting a divorce. They are all adults so there's no reason for them not to understand. My love for them doesn't change with a divorce so I can't see where's the problem.
I wouldn't count on that, especially with you moving on to someone else.
If that's true, and I certainly believe it could be, then maybe that poster is working thru some stuff that happened to them as the abandoned wife or child and is getting some vicarious thrill out of seeing the man "abused" by all of us. It wouldn't be the worst way to deal with such a crisis.
This is exactly what is happening and it has been consistently pointed out in the "OP's" previous threads. We are being used.
Ok, but providing your post is real and your situation is real (and it very well could be from what I have seen in this world), I would wait a little while longer before lowering the boom. Losing your mother and sister...absolutely devastating events. If you have waited 20+ years, you can wait longer.
The other thing is that if I were you, I would NOT tell her anything about this new woman. EVER. Especially the part about how you two were boinking while she was going through the worst time in her whole life. No, seriously. She can never know that part. Not if you have a shred of decency left in you.
You don't love your wife anymore. But have a modicum of loyalty and heart and see her through her losses before becoming the next terrible thing that happens to her.
I think I should be honest with her. If I've found someone else, why shouldn't I say it? She's going to fnd out later anyway and it will be worse for her. She's not a child from whom you have to hide the truth.
I think I should be honest with her. If I've found someone else, why shouldn't I say it? She's going to fnd out later anyway and it will be worse for her. She's not a child from whom you have to hide the truth.
How is she going to find out you were boinking this chick prior to your divorce unless YOU make it public knowledge?
She can and will find out about the chick sooner or later, yes. But she does not have to know that you betrayed her far before the marriage ended. Not in the wake of her mother's demise.
Make it easy by giving your wife everything, that's the smoothest way to break it off. Consider it the prize she's earned for having to be with an ungrateful, cheating spouse for 32 years.
If this is a real post I truly hope you tell her ASAP. How utterly awful to be married to someone who doesn't care about your loss, it must be terribly lonely already for her.
I don't really see a reason to rub salt in the wound by telling your kids you found another woman. They are your kids, they don't need those kinds of details for why you are leaving their mother.
As for when to tell the wife? I think she'll feel equally as betrayed whether you wait three months or three years.
Another reason I don't believe in "staying together for the kids". I'm a child of divorce. My parents got divorced when I was about 14. It was rough for a few years, but thank GOD they did when they did. I can't imagine them hanging on to that crap for 10 more years. As far as I'm concerned, it should have happened by the time I was 5. I was damaged more seeing an unhealthy relationship, my relationship with both of them strengthened when they finally got their own lives apart.
I wanted my kids to grow with their father around and that is done. And just like my wife, they are going to find out I've another woman even if they aren't told. They are grown ups, not children.
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