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This is a ploy. The guy was being manipulative. "He didn't think he would realistically be able to wait that long"? How does he know how long it would be? And he can't commit without checking out the sex first? How convenient for him.
The guy's a douche. He's not your type. Don't give it another thought.
When did it become popular to have to 'audition' for a relationship??? The sex wasn't good enough?? Next!!
A year is unreasonable but you are entitled to wait and get together with someone who holds the same views. Good luck with that.
If I had to wait a year I would probably be getting it somewhere else during that time. And the sex would have to be worth it when it did finally happen with the person holding out.
I wouldn't wait that long anyways. Not gonna go exclusive without knowing that we have sexual chemistry and that he wants it as much as I do.
I think too many people use sex as a tool, control, power play anyway. I will never understand that way of thinking.
So you are in the market for a FWB, emphasis on "friend", but you need to make a friend first?
Honestly that should be the easiest thing in the world. Tell a guy that and he should have no problem (most at least) with you getting comfortable with him.
If that is what you are looking for you should have guys lined up for the position (all of them!)
I'm still not going to announce it to a guy early on. I feel like its a bit crude to announce on a first date that I'm looking for an fwb. I would rather it happen naturally after built up attraction and again getting to know them. There are some people that look like good prospects on the first date, then by the third date after you learn more the desire to sleep with them diminishes. And I just started this stance earlier this week lol, so we will see what happens lol.
A recent situation happened that caused me to rethink my stance on sex. I'm not sure if I'm being realistic or if the men I'm dating just happen to be a-holes. But essentially a guy sort of called me out on my "stance" of waiting until I'm exclusive before I do anything physical(beyond kissing) with a man as well as that I need lots of time before I have sex anyway. I won't get into the details of what went on, but basically he expressed that he respected that about me, and thought it was great that I had that much control, but that he did not and basically even though he liked me and wanted to get to know me, etc he did not think he would realistically be able to wait that long and that he wouldn't be able to commit without knowing what the sex would be like, etc. Anyway I wasn't angry with him, since this has happened a lot , but afterwards I talked to a friend about it and she told me that it was outdated and that she doesn't even understand why I have this stance. Her opinion was that I'm always telling her that I'm horny and sexually frustrated and yet I keep putting myself in situations where I make it difficult for myself to have sex let alone secure anything exclusive with a man that is interested in me. I disagreed with her, but know that there are a lot of people(especially men) who think along those lines.
In books like Steve Harvey "think like a man, act like a lady", and "The rules"-it's often emphasized that you shouldn't be so quick to have sex with a man without commitment, etc. And yet, reality, it seems different(at least amongst the men I've met in my age group. All of my friends, have been in and out of relationships no matter how quickly they've had sex, and sure of them regret certain men they gave it to too quickly, but for the most part they are content. I don't know if I would be content with having sex with a man that I wasn't semi-committed too. On the other hand, I am sexually frustrated sometimes, and I know that realistically there are a good amount of men that won't commit to a woman before having sex with her. The thing is, there is a part of me that still believes that I can meet a guy that will really really like me enough to wait until I'm ready, and to commit to me before we have sex. Is this line of thinking unrealistic or outdated?
Well you forgot to mention the millionaire matchmaker LOL. She has 2 rules. 2 drinks max annnnnnnnd... no sex before......... monogamy! LOOL!
Yes, I have same rule as you. That's why I was a 40 yr old virgin. It seems you are not though, LOL. For me when I lost my V card and thought I was humped and dumped after, which was one of my million reasons why I remained a virgin.
At that time, I was more than relieved by the fact that I won't die a virgin more than anything, LOL. It also didn't bother me much because I wanted it. I don't know if that's what I REALLY would be feeling if he really disappeared totally. But he didn't. In fact he married me.
All I can say is.. it is your body, your life, YOUR decision when to have sex or not. Just remember a baby is ALWAYS a result of having sex. So really it is not just coz you're just fugging horny.
Well you forgot to mention the millionaire matchmaker LOL, She has 2 rules. 2 drinks max annnnnnnnd... no sex before......... monogamy! LOOL!
Yes, I have same rule as you. That's why I was a 40 yr old virgin. It seems you are not though, LOL. For me when I lost my V card and thought I was humped and dumped after, which was one of my million reasons why I remained a virgin.
At that time, I was more than relieved by the fact that I won't die a virgin more than anything, LOL. It also didn't bother me much because I wanted it. I don't know if that's what I REALLY would be feeling if he really disappeared totally. But he didn't. In fact he married me.
All I can say is.. it is your body, YOUR decision when to have sex or not. Just remember a baby is ALWAYS a result of having sex. So really it is not just coz you're fugging horny.
I'm not a virgin. I had sex in a commited relationship after dating him for a year. I was 17. We stayed together until I was 25 got engaged and even had a child together. I was young and a host of other things, so that relationship ended about 1.5 years ago. Since then I have maintained the stance I also had as a teen and never had sex without commitment. I dated a lot of men during this time, most to which either I was not compatible with or that didnt sent to wait for sex.
I'm now at a point where I want sex. And don't want or have time for a relationship. I applaud you for being a 40 year old virgin and waiting as long as you did. But that is not me. I won't even pretend lol. I could not wait that long.
Obviously when I do have sex it will be safe. :-) I know all to well from my son, that sex creates baby which is even more of a reason that I am still going to be selective about who I sleep with.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning
Just remember a baby is ALWAYS a result of having sex.
This is, of course, utter nonsense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187
I'm still not going to announce it to a guy early on. I feel like its a bit crude to announce on a first date that I'm looking for an fwb. I would rather it happen naturally after built up attraction and again getting to know them. There are some people that look like good prospects on the first date, then by the third date after you learn more the desire to sleep with them diminishes. And I just started this stance earlier this week lol, so we will see what happens lol.
What's non sense? What? you think contraception is 100% effective? Even vasectomy and tubal ligation result to pregnancy although VERY unlikely it happens. So stop being delusional!!!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning
What's non sense? What? you think contraception is 100% effective? Even vasectomy and tubal ligation result to pregnancy although VERY unlikely it happens. So stop being delusional!!!
If it is 1% effective it negates your statement.
And pregnancy is easy to avoid, I and most of my friends, and almost everyone I've dated have avoided pregnancy for 20+ years of having sex (me 25 years and no scares and no concerns). Not hard to do at all.
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, but afterwards I talked to a friend about it and she told me that it was outdated and that she doesn't even understand why I have this stance. Her opinion was that I'm always telling her that I'm horny and sexually frustrated and yet I keep putting myself in situations where I make it difficult for myself to have sex let alone secure anything exclusive with a man that is interested in me. I disagreed with her, but know that there are a lot of people(especially men) who think along those lines.
