Women 40 & up on online dating (marriage, cheating, husband, pickup)

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

I was reading an article earlier today about how men assume women all lie about their age on the site, especially if they say something like "I look young for my age" as your pictures should speak for themselves. My profile say I am 40, which I am. Based on the article, that means there's a likelihood men will think I'm really 45. I've never felt the need to lie about my age under any circumstance.

I put my age (real) too, which is 42, but lots of women don't. They often say so in their profiles claiming they look and feel younger and to help with the search function. Total turnoff.

That said, it is amazing by how late 30s/early 40s our cohort really separates out... I swear a good chunk of women my age could easily pass for 33-35, but a lot really look like they're in their 50s. Its the diet, smoking, drinking, and exercising that seems to be the big difference.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Stagemomma

I'll bite. I'm 46, and I have been doing online dating since I was 38ish.

I get lots of messages from the kind of man who will message EVERY WOMAN in the hopes of hitting something.

I get lame messaged from guys who might have a genuine interest but I'm not interested in them because they are NOT my type (read: yucky).

I get nice messages from guys who might have a genuine interest and are decent looking guys but their communication or photos tell me I won't be interested. Some guys just aren't good with presenting themselves. I'll bet they are nice, but can't keep up with me.

And I get great, detailed messages from guys who might have a genuine interest and have clearly read my profile and specifically mention something about it that caught their attention. They are generally educated/articulate and appear to have many things in common with me.

THOSE are the guys I go out with.

And yes, I contact guys at that level often. Screw being 'traditional'. I've rarely been approached for dates in person, so I'm not going to sit on an online dating website and wait for my dream guy to contact me.

When I first turn on my OLD account, I'm not seeing anyone but I limit myself to contacting the top three that catch my interest. When one of them fizzles out (usually with no response), I contact someone else. At the same time, I respond to those who contact me. Rarely the same ones, BTW. Eventually one of those 'top three' will work out to be a first meet, but I keep juggling the top three until I have been on a second or third date with a good guy.

I have had the best luck dating with guys who contact ME. I assume that it is because men are more visual---and have responded well to my photo, THEN found something of interest in my profile. If I contact a man, he might be flattered/curious enough to go out with me. But if he didn't look at my pic and say "wowza!" it is unlikely I'll snare him by other means (I'm average looking and not so good with feminine wiles).

I just got dumped after 4 months, just started a Plentyoffish acct on Sunday. I got messages from all 5 kinds of guys before I could even finish figuring out how to run the search function. And yes, there are 2 top level guys in that batch who contacted me and continue to do so. I might have a first meet this weekend.

So as far as MEETING men, OLD is working just fine for me. Meeting Mr. Right? Not so easy. But I don't know any other way to do it. I don't think there are plenty of good fish in the sea. I think there is a lot of chum in the water.....

For some reason that part about yucky guys was kind of funny but I completely understand. When I did online dating the majority of the men who contacted me were definitely not my type.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

NWGirl, have you gone back to online again and what has been your experiences with guys who don't want kids?

I currently have profiles on eH and OKC. I didn't pay for eH so I can't see what my matches look like and my profile is largely being ignored so while it's out there I might as well delete it.

On OKC, I haven't been really sifting through profiles. I check out a few here and there-usually when I get my new match email-and have written to a couple (neither wrote back). I don't want to fall back into this feeling like a job or taking up too much of my time. I want it to just be in the background while I go about my life. But for the most part, those I've seen either have kids, "might want kids," "might want more kids" or a combination of those. Not unexpected at this age.

I'm currently chatting with a 47 year old who doesn't have nor want them, but he lives 3 hours away, which is unfortunate.

Originally Posted by timberline742

I put my age (real) too, which is 42, but lots of women don't. They often say so in their profiles claiming they look and feel younger and to help with the search function. Total turnoff.

I actually feel younger now than I did in my 20's and 30's. In a lot of ways, being widowed at 34 made me a lot more carefree as I saw firsthand that tomorrow is in no way guaranteed. I don't know if I look young or just act it, but I have to keep convincing my friends I really am 40. It's not a bad problem to have.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

I currently have profiles on eH and OKC. I didn't pay for eH so I can't see what my matches look like and my profile is largely being ignored so while it's out there I might as well delete it.

On OKC, I haven't been really sifting through profiles. I check out a few here and there-usually when I get my new match email-and have written to a couple (neither wrote back). I don't want to fall back into this feeling like a job or taking up too much of my time. I want it to just be in the background while I go about my life. But for the most part, those I've seen either have kids, "might want kids," "might want more kids" or a combination of those. Not unexpected at this age.

I'm currently chatting with a 47 year old who doesn't have nor want them, but he lives 3 hours away, which is unfortunate.



I actually feel younger now than I did in my 20's and 30's. In a lot of ways, being widowed at 34 made me a lot more carefree as I saw firsthand that tomorrow is in no way guaranteed. I don't know if I look young or just act it, but I have to keep convincing my friends I really am 40. It's not a bad problem to have.

I believe I may have a free profile on eH as I filled out the questionnaire but no reason to delete it since I have never gotten a response. Actually I do have several profiles still up on free sites like OKC and POF because I'm too lazy to take them down but I rarely get messages (to be expected as most don't have photos)and when I do it's usually either an illiterate moron or a guy with kids. When I did online dating it would get frustrating contacting men I truly wanted to date and being ignored and it's not like I was looking for the wealthiest or handsome men. I wanted an average guy and the ones for the most part responding to me were way below average.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

I actually feel younger now than I did in my 20's and 30's. In a lot of ways, being widowed at 34 made me a lot more carefree as I saw firsthand that tomorrow is in no way guaranteed. I don't know if I look young or just act it, but I have to keep convincing my friends I really am 40. It's not a bad problem to have.

Well I do too. I work out nearly every day, eat healthier, drink less and I'm in far better shape... so what? I don't put down silly, cheesy crud like that in a profile.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Same here, I am healthier and more financially fit than I was in my 20's yet had more luck back then. I got flack for this but I ran an experiment last year where I posted a much younger age and my photos and got a lot more responses. I wasn't looking to date just seeing if my theories were right.

[TaoistDude]

In my experience, women in that age range (40s) can be very proactive in initiating contact. Once I realized that if I initiated contact I seldom got a response, I made my profile inviting and waited to be contacted. Literally hundreds of contacts later, and more than 50 initial meets and some short term relationships, my wife found me.

[stepka]

Originally Posted by stepka

I'm beginning to think that OLD is just not going to work out too well for me at this age, whether I send out the first message or not.

OK I wrote that in a grouchy moment but things are looking up today and I actually got messages from a couple of men younger than me. Woo hoo!

Yeah, I'm not going to post that nonsense in my profile about how I look so much younger than my age--I have a theory that we all think we look younger than our age! We've figured out how to arrange our faces to its fullest advantage when we look in the mirror, but of course there's so much more to how old you look than how unlined your face is and I've found that it's hard to judge how old someone over 50 is. And yes, some of those men say they're 58 and I'd guess them to be a full 10 years or more older.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Well I do too. I work out nearly every day, eat healthier, drink less and I'm in far better shape... so what? I don't put down silly, cheesy crud like that in a profile.

I don't have that silly, cheesy crud in my profile either. I state I'm 40 and have a few recent pictures. Men can decide for themselves if I'm really 40 or lying about my age.

Originally Posted by stepka

We've figured out how to arrange our faces to its fullest advantage when we look in the mirror, but of course there's so much more to how old you look than how unlined your face is and I've found that it's hard to judge how old someone over 50 is. And yes, some of those men say they're 58 and I'd guess them to be a full 10 years or more older.

Some days I look in the mirror and think "Dang! I look incredibly young today." Other times it's "Ugh! I'm only 40-I should not look THIS old!" I suspect I'm not the only one.

[Idon'tdateyou]

I do look young (I am often mistaken for college kids for some reason)but would never put I am young looking because people can decide for themselves. However I do put my activities in my profile which are often younger skewed. That way I can avoid couch potatoes.