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It's not a coincidence that dozens of people here were saying it's a huge red flag that he said "I love you" after one week and then he just happens to turn into crazy stalker dude. I'm not saying everyone who says I love you that early turns into crazy stalker dude - but those are exceptions to the rule, not the norm, in my experience.
It's not a coincidence that dozens of people here were saying it's a huge red flag that he said "I love you" after one week and then he just happens to turn into crazy stalker dude. I'm not saying everyone who says I love you that early turns into crazy stalker dude - but those are exceptions to the rule, not the norm, in my experience.
100% of the women who have said "I love you" to me too quickly... turned out to be quite the catch and I had six happy years with them, married them, had a kid with them, and we stayed together.
Experience varies. Like, some people say it too quick (especially men saying it to women) because they think the other person wants to hear it *shrugs*
I would say this was definitely "red flag" enough for the OP to hold off on having sex with him until she knew him better, but she had already done that. Who knows? The sex might've been part of the catalyst. Do you keep dating a man who says "I love you" too quick? Maybe, maybe not. But you don't give this type of man sex and think for one minute he won't get more attached than J.B. Weld. I know this is isn't the subject, but I gotta say, this is why you wait!
100% of the women who have said "I love you" to me too quickly... turned out to be quite the catch and I had six happy years with them, married them, had a kid with them, and we stayed together.
Experience varies. Like, some people say it too quick (especially men saying it to women) because they think the other person wants to hear it *shrugs*
Like I said, exception, not the norm.
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I would say this was definitely "red flag" enough for the OP to hold off on having sex with him until she knew him better, but she had already done that. Who knows? The sex might've been part of the catalyst. Do you keep dating a man who says "I love you" too quick? Maybe, maybe not. But you don't give this type of man sex and think for one minute he won't get more attached than J.B. Weld. I know this is isn't the subject, but I gotta say, this is why you wait!
You're right, it's not the subject, and I'm tired of people using it to preach about sex and suggest it's the OP's fault that this guy is insane just because she slept with him sooner than what you think is acceptable. She only mentioned that they slept together so people would understand that they had grown close... but that doesn't have to equal "love".
I gotta say that if sleeping with him is what caused him to form his unhealthy attachment to her so quickly, then maybe it's a GOOD thing she slept with him and saw this side of him come up so early on. He's clearly unstable and this would have happened eventually - better to happen now than later. The less emotionally invested she is, the easier it is to recognize crazy and cut things off. So, in my opinion, this is why waiting is not such a bad thing.
Yeah, this wasn't intended to be a 'why did I sleep with him so fast' discussion. But whatever.
For anyone who is interested, his crazy came out full force last night. A very good friend had a BBQ and I brought him along. BBQ ended around 9, but I was planning on staying and hanging with my friend (as in alone, girls night). He was being clingy and wanted to stay too, but I basically told him we needed girl time and got him to go home. As he was saying goodbye he made a comment to me along the lines of he 'would be mad if he found out i got him to leave so that i could go out without him.' Creeped me out. Friend lives a few blocks from a bar that we like to go to- he knew this, because he and I had dinner at a restaurant across the street last week and I pointed it out to him that I liked the place. Anyway, after he left, she and I sat and drank some beer/talked/etc for about an hour and a half, and then decided we wanted to go out for a little bit. Walked to the bar a few blocks away, and of course what do I see? His car parked directly across the street with him sitting in it watching the bar. I immediately went up and knocked on the window of his car, confronted him, ended things. He told me THREE separate stories about what he was doing there. Three. Each time I called him out on lying it changed. And now 20-ish hours later am still getting GIANT paragraph text messages trying to 'explain' himself. Noooo thanks.
I'm glad that I'm street smart enough to be aware of my surroundings. Don't want to think about what he was planning to do if I hadn't seen him and he had seen us go into the bar.
Since he knows where you live, it's BEST to involve the police now before you find him in your apartment. Sorry you're going through this.
Seriously, this is why I never let a man know where I live in the beginning. You have to make sure he's not gonna be crazy before you invite him over. Hopefully he won't try anything. Just be careful and pay attention to your surroundings!!!!
Hahah, thanks guys. I haven't responded to him since last night when I told him to stop contacting me- he sent a few more texts last night, but then nothing so far today. I have all of the texts and everything saved- oh and a song that he wrote for me and sent me yesterday. I forgot to mention that one . If there is ANY contact whatsoever beyond this point I'm prepared to go to the police. And maybe even to the dean of his law school too. Let them know what he's been up to. But I'm giving him the chance to back off before all of that now that he's (presumably) sober lol.
Hahah, thanks guys. I haven't responded to him since last night when I told him to stop contacting me- he sent a few more texts last night, but then nothing so far today. I have all of the texts and everything saved- oh and a song that he wrote for me and sent me yesterday. I forgot to mention that one . If there is ANY contact whatsoever beyond this point I'm prepared to go to the police. And maybe even to the dean of his law school too. Let them know what he's been up to. But I'm giving him the chance to back off before all of that now that he's (presumably) sober lol.
You're right, it's not the subject, and I'm tired of people using it to preach about sex and suggest it's the OP's fault that this guy is insane just because she slept with him sooner than what you think is acceptable.
I didn't even mention whether it was/should be considered "acceptable". I suggested it wasn't smart, and told you why.
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
I gotta say that if sleeping with him is what caused him to form his unhealthy attachment to her so quickly, then maybe it's a GOOD thing she slept with him and saw this side of him come up so early on. He's clearly unstable and this would have happened eventually - better to happen now than later. The less emotionally invested she is, the easier it is to recognize crazy and cut things off. So, in my opinion, this is why waiting is not such a bad thing.
And if she ended up pregnant by him? Fate has been crueler...
Even I said this was a "Proceed with Caution" sign at very least, which means you don't go getting emotionally attached until you find out more. So either way, she would've been just fine. My point was simply that the way she ended up finding out might not have been so huge. This is just something to think on, however; I'm not claiming the sex made any difference whatsoever (apart from the slight chance of an unwanted pregnancy).
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Originally Posted by bored chick
Seriously, this is why I never let a man know where I live in the beginning. You have to make sure he's not gonna be crazy before you invite him over. Hopefully he won't try anything. Just be careful and pay attention to your surroundings!!!!
That's another good point, notwithstanding a debate over its relevancy.
Get married, have kids, get divorced, sue for alimony, sue for child support, retire, live on a healthy pension, die, then go to heaven.
[all before the end of the month!]
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Hopefully he won't try anything. Just be careful and pay attention to your surroundings!!!!
. If there is ANY contact whatsoever beyond this point I'm prepared to go to the police. And maybe even to the dean of his law school too. Let them know what he's been up to. But I'm giving him the chance to back off before all of that now that he's (presumably) sober lol.
