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It's actually really funny to read everyone's opinions because everyone is either 100% run away or 100% it's worth giving it a shot lol.
Either way, I talked to him about it last night and I feel a little better now. I sent him a paragraph basically saying that it freaked me out, that I do like him but that it's WAY too much too soon and is triggering my 'run away' instincts. He responded by saying that he realized as soon as he said it that I freaked out and that it was a bad idea. And basically told me he's never been in a situation before where he's had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. (And background context, I'm 3 years older than him). And he said that me being a little older than him was getting to his head and he started worrying that I would think he wasn't serious about getting to know me, etc because of his age. I do get it- had the roles been reversed I probably wouldn't have handled it that way. But I can respect the explanation he had- basically I think he thought it was what I wanted to hear somehow.
I think that the age difference, mixed with the fact that I am a little older, mixed with the fact that we DID pack a lot of things into one week just threw things off a little. I told him I need to slow things down and he said he completely understands- and to his credit he did back off quite a bit since our conversation. So I guess I'm going to give it a little more time. I think I'll see pretty quickly if this little chat helped reset things or if it's still a run away situation. Because I would hate to miss out on something great over something like this- as long as it doesn't continue on at crazy speed.
My husband and I had a weeklong date when we first me and we fell in love during that week. We didn't say it until after a few months, but we both felt it. If one of us had slipped and said it too early, I wonder if we would be together 18 years later?
I'm glad you talked with him.he sounds great, just slow it down.
because as a guy, he made a critical mistake. Everything can go great but if you make a critical mistake, then the girl will run.
Any girl that would just up and run at this, I wouldn't wish on any guy in the first place. So by all means, encourage them to run.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prescotturner
He acted like a major beta, got all attached and used words like love within a week, and all of that is off putting to the OP.
Understood. That is the point of her starting a thread on it. However, there are oftentimes more than one solution to any given problem, and some solutions are better than others. My opinion: It's better for her to know he's just some awful loser of a guy (by getting to know him better) than to assume, be wrong, and miss out on something great... or just never really know for sure what that bridge she burned led to.
There are.... yellow flags, I submit. Ones that tell you "Proceed with caution". They're not all red flags telling you to stop altogether or there's danger ahead. The term "red flag" is being used too freely here, I think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prescotturner
A real alpha would basically not care about her, maybe date other women as well, which OP becomes confused and be attached to him.
Well some women actually prefer "betas", and some have even grown up enough to understand these labels have essentially no meaning in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prescotturner
Women like games. If you confess your "love" this soon, you are a beta. A real alpha guy would continue to play games until deep into the relationship.
Hmmm, well I wasn't aware all women were the same; thank you for educating the board of this!
"Alphas" can still sense sarcasm, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklyn1234
It's actually really funny to read everyone's opinions because everyone is either 100% run away or 100% it's worth giving it a shot lol.
Either way, I talked to him about it last night and I feel a little better now. I sent him a paragraph basically saying that it freaked me out, that I do like him but that it's WAY too much too soon and is triggering my 'run away' instincts. He responded by saying that he realized as soon as he said it that I freaked out and that it was a bad idea. And basically told me he's never been in a situation before where he's had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. (And background context, I'm 3 years older than him). And he said that me being a little older than him was getting to his head and he started worrying that I would think he wasn't serious about getting to know me, etc because of his age. I do get it- had the roles been reversed I probably wouldn't have handled it that way. But I can respect the explanation he had- basically I think he thought it was what I wanted to hear somehow.
Exactly. There is sometimes a very rational explanation, or at least the possibility that a rational person has simply done something irrational (It happens! No matter what the Mr. and Mrs. Perfects on this board are saying.)
It's actually really funny to read everyone's opinions because everyone is either 100% run away or 100% it's worth giving it a shot lol.
Either way, I talked to him about it last night and I feel a little better now. I sent him a paragraph basically saying that it freaked me out, that I do like him but that it's WAY too much too soon and is triggering my 'run away' instincts. He responded by saying that he realized as soon as he said it that I freaked out and that it was a bad idea. And basically told me he's never been in a situation before where he's had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. (And background context, I'm 3 years older than him). And he said that me being a little older than him was getting to his head and he started worrying that I would think he wasn't serious about getting to know me, etc because of his age. I do get it- had the roles been reversed I probably wouldn't have handled it that way. But I can respect the explanation he had- basically I think he thought it was what I wanted to hear somehow.
I think that the age difference, mixed with the fact that I am a little older, mixed with the fact that we DID pack a lot of things into one week just threw things off a little. I told him I need to slow things down and he said he completely understands- and to his credit he did back off quite a bit since our conversation. So I guess I'm going to give it a little more time. I think I'll see pretty quickly if this little chat helped reset things or if it's still a run away situation. Because I would hate to miss out on something great over something like this- as long as it doesn't continue on at crazy speed.
I especially like that you told him what you were feeling, and he empathised, and that you are going to continue to watch for red flags.
I read something a while back that said, in the early stages of a relationship, it's important to watch how the person reacts when you bring up something that bothered you. Specifically, is their response about them or about you?
Do they say, 'Oh, I didn't mean that!' or do they say, 'Oh, I can see how you could have felt that way!'? Going by your post, I am not quite sure which he did. Or maybe both?
I think it's pretty sad that it's perfectly normal and acceptable these days to have sex with someone and never speak to them again, but God forbid that the person you shared your body with expresses feelings for you afterwards. Now it's time to run.
I think it's pretty sad that it's perfectly normal and acceptable these days to have sex with someone and never speak to them again, but God forbid that the person you shared your body with expresses feelings for you afterwards. Now it's time to run.
I think it's pretty sad that it's perfectly normal and acceptable these days to have sex with someone and never speak to them again, but God forbid that the person you shared your body with expresses feelings for you afterwards. Now it's time to run.
I think it's pretty sad that it's perfectly normal and acceptable these days to have sex with someone and never speak to them again, but God forbid that the person you shared your body with expresses feelings for you afterwards. Now it's time to run.
Well, thanks for essentially calling me a loose woman, lol.
Sex isn't something I take lightly. But it's also not something that I feel like I have to be in love with someone to do. I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I don't sleep around- if anything having sex this fast was an extraordinary circumstance for me. But in my mind at least, just because I choose to sleep with someone doesn't mean that I have to simply accept the fact that they tell me they love me right after.
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