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She doesn't need to stop doing anything. Unless the OP is interested in an open relationship or threesome with the guy, my advice is to tell her to GTFO. Even if nothing's happening, the OP is not obliged to keep dating a woman who has such radically different boundaries. It bothers him that she has coffee with coworkers and wants sex a lot. These two are really mismatched. It's only been a few months and is already a mess. Why keep trying?
Not for nothing, but this is pretty much how my husband and I got one of our girlfriends. She made house calls and we got naked. I'm pretty biased here.
Are you saying you and your husband have 3 ways with other women?
i don't know if this is real or not, but assuming that it is, i would absolutely not be ok with a significant other, no matter how long we've been dating or together, having someone come to his house and "practice" her massage techniques on him privately like that. obviously there are people who are ok with something like that. i don't get that, but whatever. i don't think there is anything wrong with not being ok with it. i wouldn't hang around with someone who thought that was ok so i'd be gone and moving on.
Why would some girls think this was ok? Are some of them really that stupid?
Probably because it is - at least depending on context. There is nothing inherently "not ok" about it. It comes down to the people in the relationship and what _their_ boundries are. Not yours. And that people do not conform to yours does not make them "stupid". You expecting them to however - is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ace_TX
no dude should be puting hands on your "girlfriend" period
the concept of another dude massaging a chick and making her body feel good is all you need to know
Because - you say so? Or have you any actual reasons for decreeing truth upon the masses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nylonggamer
he's obviously doing her
Oh do explain your reasoning to those of us for whom it is not "so obvious".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf
It's strange how some people are absolutely sure she's cheating and the others think I'm ridiculous for even bringing it up.
And some of us - like me - are doing neither.
Those saying she is cheating are in fantasy land. Maybe she is - maybe she is not - but those saying she is are doing so on not just little - but absolutely no evidence at all. They are just making it up. They invent their own facts - rather than commenting on the facts that you have actually provided. Beware of such people.
But you are not ridiculous for bringing it up. As I said in my first post it is for you - not us - to decide the boundries for what you expect in a relationship. If this massage crosses your boundries then you should by all means inform her of this in an open and adult fashion.
She then has a choice to either conform to your boundries in the relationship - or not. If she does - move on. If she does not - then decide if this is a deal break for the relationship or can compromise be reached.
THAT is how relationships work. Communication - compromise. Try it. There is nothing inherently "wrong" with what she is doing. There is also nothign "wrong" with you telling her you do not like it and want her to stop. Too many posts - including your own - are trying to make one side or the other "wrong" when neither side is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf
And yet again I'm thinking how is that not considered a date? And for all you that say I'm insecure, ask yourself if you would let your SO get back rubs when your not there and go out to coffee with old coworkers.
My partners go out with friends and coworkers all the time. I am not seeing your issue?
I don't think you've responded if you would be willing to have the same situation take place for yourself?
I've had many boyfriends/lovers who've enjoyed home massages very often from very attractive women and never thought twice about it. I've likewise had many home massages from very attractive men and no man with whom I've been involved has ever questioned it. But then I'm not insecure and have rarely been involved with insecure men.
We talked about it last night and when I asked about who the guy was she said he's in his late 50's and getting ready for retirement. She was visibly upset that I brought it up. I told her that's all I wanted to know and that was that. I'm now officially over that topic and we agreed to communicate more about these things for now on.
I've had many boyfriends/lovers who've enjoyed home massages very often from very attractive women and never thought twice about it. I've likewise had many home massages from very attractive men and no man with whom I've been involved has ever questioned it. But then I'm not insecure and have rarely been involved with insecure men.
I've had many boyfriends/lovers who've enjoyed home massages very often from very attractive women and never thought twice about it. I've likewise had many home massages from very attractive men and no man with whom I've been involved has ever questioned it. But then I'm not insecure and have rarely been involved with insecure men.
It's strange how some people are absolutely sure she's cheating and the others think I'm ridiculous for even bringing it up.
She really likes massages, I giver her massages regularly but she also seems to have a few guy friends.
I told her I don't want her to do that again and she said that she told him "no more" and she had him pick up the table.
About a week later she said the guy texted her to see how I was doing. With the massages that is.
Just today she mentioned how she ran into an old coworker from back in the day and how she was going to have lunch or coffee with him.
And yet again I'm thinking how is that not considered a date? And for all you that say I'm insecure, ask yourself if you would let your SO get back rubs when your not there and go out to coffee with old coworkers.
Dude. She's a nympho. She's f*cking every single (or not single) guy on her radar.
I give massages to women all the time and I cannot recall a single time when it did NOT lead to sex. Not a single time. Unless I've given her a massage after sex. I would bet everything I own she is having sex with this guy. Come on man, don't be clueless. Why some women act dumb about this sort of thing is insulting beyond comprehension.
Aside from all that, anything the other person does within a relationship that causes this kind of anxiety and doubt is wrong in of itself, whether something is going on or not. An example is if someone is setting off red flags right and left, even if everything is innocent, just setting off red flags is wrong by itself. When a woman, or man for that matter is committed, they should do everything in their power to show it, to YOU, Not create conflict and doubt and then play dumb about it.
A few months in, is all you have here? Dump her like a bad habit and move on.
lol, is this a serious thread? I'd bet my paycheck he's handling her "plumbing" issues too. Come on man, you can't tell me you are buying this for one second? If you are...then you're not the brightest bunny in the forest
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