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Old 06-01-2014, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,140,615 times
Reputation: 3814

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It all depends on where you are in your life. If you always saw your life folding out with you being a mother; in a best-case scenario, being able to stay home and actually dedicate quality time to truely raising your offspring that you always wanted since you can remember - then yes, you need to get on the stick in that regard, lol. You have optimally 3 years left to attempt to accomplish that goal naturally for the first time.

You need to find out what his goals are? If he has none, then tell him what yours always were. Dont tell him like a little girl not getting her way. Tell him like a woman who is letting someone they care about know where they are in their life. Its a reality of life, and just like needing a tire changed on your car, it should be approached maturely, and comfortably.

If in imagining your role as someones Mom and Grandma you sort of feel lost. Being someone's Mom, or mom-with-benefits as is the case of a relationship, was never at the forefront of your life long dreams and aspirations, and you would personally be at terms with God never allowing to reproduce no matter how long you try, as well as the would be father assumably feeling the same - then maybe just continuing things the way they are would not be a bad thing. Why go through the greif to end up settling for it anyway?

Sort of like Fergie, in the Big Girls Dont Cry video. The ultimate responsibility is to yourself first. What are your goals - especially on an "us" level?

 
Old 06-01-2014, 07:33 PM
 
1,500 posts, read 1,765,638 times
Reputation: 2033
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
Maybe you should suggest living separately and see what happens. Not in a threatening way, just in a "this is boring and we need a change" way. In a "my life changing and you aren't" way. Let him know you are questioning your future with him. And mean it. If you are in a routine he is comfortable (and possibly keeping his options open) with you need to shake it up. I know it's scary because you think you could loose him, but you know you don't have him anyway if that happens.
This is awesome. I think he'll figure out real quick what he needs to do.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 07:36 PM
 
1,500 posts, read 1,765,638 times
Reputation: 2033
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwest61021 View Post
Maybe he feels that marriage is not necessary? Well, HE'S RIGHT. What will marriage prove if he's been with you seven years and you both love each other?? Sorry, but marriage is way overrated and is merely allowing yourself to be trapped.
Yeah because it's so awful to be "trapped" forever with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Flawed logic.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 07:38 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,125 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minntoaz View Post
Yeah because it's so awful to be "trapped" forever with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Flawed logic.
lol! One of the best posts ever, on this topic!
 
Old 06-01-2014, 07:43 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,606,283 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minntoaz View Post
Yeah because it's so awful to be "trapped" forever with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Flawed logic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
lol! One of the best posts ever, on this topic!
Yep you nailed it, and that sums up all the arguments against marrying in this case.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 08:00 PM
 
240 posts, read 239,987 times
Reputation: 570
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Yep you nailed it, and that sums up all the arguments against marrying in this case.
Maybe it does answer all the counterarguments....but only if the situation is all about the OP, and that her wants and needs are all that matters. (Not surprising you and R4T would take this tack, never miss an opportunity to bash a man.)

Score another one for team woman.

OP's partner has told her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. It's either good enough for her, or its not.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 08:19 PM
 
28,623 posts, read 18,677,825 times
Reputation: 30904
Quote:
Originally Posted by VinceShamWow View Post
OP's partner has told her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. It's either good enough for her, or its not.
She said that about him. He didn't say that about her.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 08:30 PM
 
6,720 posts, read 8,361,746 times
Reputation: 10409
If the OP was the boyfriend and said...

My girlfriend of seven years wants to get married, but I don't. We are in a committed loving relationship and we live together. What should I do?

I would advise...

You need to think about what you need and want out of life. If you do not want to get married, then you should not do it. That is the worst thing you do.

Sometime though, people are scared by new ideas. Really do some soul searching on this. Don't break up, but take a break from cohabitation. This will help you see things more clearly.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 08:57 PM
 
4,001 posts, read 4,087,564 times
Reputation: 7032
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_contrary View Post
Hi everyone, just wanted to vent and maybe get some insight.

I am 30 years old and am currently living with my 32 year old boyfriend of 7 years. We've lived together for 5 years. Things are going great - we rarely argue, we laugh a lot, we travel together and have fun. He's my best friend. When we moved in together, I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. We talked about marriage then but both agreed it was not a priority and we should get settled into our careers first.

Now we are both doing well in our careers and I feel ready to take the next step. However, a few weeks ago I brought up marriage again and he said "I'm just not ready yet." I acted like it wasn't a big deal, but honestly, I'm really hurt. We've been together for so long and have done so much, why wouldn't he be ready?

It doesn't help that all of our friends are getting married, most of whom are younger than me and have been with their SOs for less time than I have. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and I'm not treating marriage like a competition. But I wonder why my friend's boyfriends are able to make the commitment and mine isn't. I feel like there's something wrong with me.

I definitely don't want to pressure him into marriage, so I've been laying off the subject. But (I hate to admit this) I feel a little depressed. It's odd, when I was younger I didn't see what the big deal was when it came to marriage, but now I have a great man I want to call my husband. Hopefully, I don't turn into a desperate old woman.

Anyway, does anyone maybe have a guess as to why my boyfriend is dragging his feet? Maybe you have a story of your own to share?
I was in a similar situation.

If he hasn't asked you by now, he won't. Besides, he has already told you that he isn't ready. It has taken him 7 years to not be ready.

Move on. Your life is passing you by. All you will get is hurt - and there are only two ways for that to happen. 1. He never asks you. 2. The relationship doesn't last after investing all that time.
 
Old 06-01-2014, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by VinceShamWow View Post

OP's partner has told her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. It's either good enough for her, or its not.
And if it's not, that's cool, right? Or are the only desires that count his?
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