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Hmm. If someone told me that the reason they didn't approach me was because I came off as unapproachable, instead of judging them and saying they lack confidence, I'd probably be more concerned with trying to figure out why I was giving people that impression. Yes, there are men who lack confidence and will make all sorts of excuses about why not to approach someone. But part of what makes a woman attractive is how she presents herself. I've been in situations like the one described by the OP. You pass a woman who catches your eye, you smile or say hi. But it's not reciprocated. She doesn't smile back or say hi, so you're left with a bad impression of the person. I think a lot of women are a bit too quick to slap the "lacks confidence" label on a man because that's easier than owning up to their own mistakes. Confident men will approach attractive women. But being confident also means you don't feel the need to hit on every attractive woman you see. Communication is a two way street. If you want a man to take the initiative and express interest in you, then you have to at least be aware of signals you might unintentionally be sending.
Actually, I agree with this.
Let me put it this way - when you are in a new social situation - who are you going to talk to (and I don't mean in a romantic sense) - the person that seems open and friendly or someone that is giving off an arrogant or aloof vibe? If you want people to approach you in any setting - whether it be for romance or friendship - you need to be approachable.
The best reason not to approach a woman is that you are not in a venue where is such behavior is expected or appropriate.
I have a half-sister who is drop dead gorgeous. I watched guys make her life a living hell with their constant "approaching." She didn't just get hit on at bars and clubs, where she expected it. She got hit on in restaurants, in grocery stores, at the post office, in laundromats, at bus stops--just about everywhere! Guys she'd never met would drive up and next to her while she was walking down the street and offer rides. When she was in high school, guys would follow her home to find out where she lived. On one occasion, she was eating lunch with my brother and I at a sandwich shop when this guy decided to "approach." She told him, repeatedly, to back off, but he wouldn't leave! Finally, my brother and dragged this idiot outside and kicked his teeth out!
This idea that it is okay to "approach" women anywhere and everywhere needs to die.
Last edited by RogersParkGuy; 06-03-2014 at 03:13 PM..
I prefer a gentleman to do so. I think being a woman asking men to date me appears desperate. The sperm chases the egg. The egg don't chase.
So let the desperate man approach? Auh OK.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Actually, most women do initiate conversation with men. Several of our female members have posted that they do so routinely, but when they go so far as to ask a guy out, the guy either is put off, or he assumes she's after sex, i.e. she's "easy". But initiating conversation is women's way of going after a guy they're interested in. That, or smiling in his direction and trying to be as approachable as possible. (Granted, actually approaching tends to be more effective, but not as much as you'd think.) C'mon, people, this has been discussed to death on this forum, it's nothing new.
I thought what the OP was describing, though, was situations in which a guy spots her while she's passing by or occupied with something (grocery shopping, say), so he's in the background and she doesn't notice him or know he's there. If a guy is attracted to someone in a situation like that, why wouldn't he approach and start a convo? Isn't that the natural thing to do?
hehehe [sht$giggles] what like two or so women on here? And you consider that "MOST" women? Lol. I'm talking about reality not the CD world where everyone here has no flaws and great advise to give
Hmm. If someone told me that the reason they didn't approach me was because I came off as unapproachable, instead of judging them and saying they lack confidence, I'd probably be more concerned with trying to figure out why I was giving people that impression. Yes, there are men who lack confidence and will make all sorts of excuses about why not to approach someone. But part of what makes a woman attractive is how she presents herself. I've been in situations like the one described by the OP. You pass a woman who catches your eye, you smile or say hi. But it's not reciprocated. She doesn't smile back or say hi, so you're left with a bad impression of the person. I think a lot of women are a bit too quick to slap the "lacks confidence" label on a man because that's easier than owning up to their own mistakes. Confident men will approach attractive women. But being confident also means you don't feel the need to hit on every attractive woman you see. Communication is a two way street. If you want a man to take the initiative and express interest in you, then you have to at least be aware of signals you might unintentionally be sending.
Yes. I get told very often by guys who give me a passing compliment that I should smile. One guy explicitly asked "what's wrong?" and said I should smile. My neutral face when I'm not smiling looks mad or sad naturally, I can't help it! But you give good advice. I do try to at least grin a little when I pass the firemen and greet them "hello, I'm feeling good today, thank you " but I should more often.
Women have been approaching men since time immemorial. They tend to be more subtle about it, but if they're interested in a guy, they'll find a way to get the ball rolling. And depending on regional culture, women initiate casual chats with strangers, too. The thing is, guys don't always recognize an approach for what it is. Other times, they're just not interested in the person approaching them. But women do approach. Not all women. But many.
For most guys it's not about the ACTUAL rejection, it's about the potential blow up after said rejection. A lot of women have the tendency to go off so to speak on guys who approach them in public who they feel aren't on "their level".
No. A gentleman approaching looks considerate and interested, which is flattering and a good look on him, imo. If I can't reciprocate then I kindly decline but I don't see him as any type of loser or in a negative light unless he's rude or crass and nasty afterwards.
1) She is too young. I'm pretty old. I'm at the age where most of my friends have at least a kid. A lot of women are just way too young. It's very hard to gauge a woman's age a lot of the time. White women can look really, really mature and be like 18 years old.
2) I will admit that if I meet somebody who I believe makes a lot of $, I may kind of back off. But the only profession which automatically makes me jump to that conclusion is doctor or dentist. I meet more of those than most people, but still not that many.
In general, I really don't have regrets as you imply most men do because later in my life I gained that courage to approach the women who gave me the same 'signs' as when I was younger. And they rejected me when I was older, so there's no reason to think the result would have been different when I was younger and dumber and less mature. If anything, I probably saved myself a lot of shame.
I know not the most positive way to look at it, but in my situation, I think that is so.
The only presumption I make is that I don't approach women any longer, so it's easy to not approach.
It all fits very squarely in my head.
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