Ladies only: What are some presumptions you've made about men to not approach? (wife, attracted)
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I've never had success with any guy I ever approached. What I took from that is men like to pursue and if they're interested, they'll make it known.
Then you formed the wrong conclusion. If I never had success with every woman I approached, I would NOT come away thinking that women like to pursue. Instead, I would reexamine my own behavior. Is there something wrong with how I'm approaching them? Am I simply approaching the wrong people? What I wouldn't do is say "this whole approaching women first thing doesn't work so I'll just wait for them to approach me."
This is, by far, the best comment on this entire thread. I get why women like to be pursued. It's flattering, it shows the man has confidence, etc. But men find confidence attractive as well. When a woman approaches me, it causes me to think more highly of her. It doesn't guarantee that I'll be interested in her. But the fact that she was willing to take a chance speaks volumes about her. Someone on this thread said they assume a cute guy is probably taken. If a man made such a presumption about an attractive woman, no one would respect him. Here's the other thing to keep in mind if you're wanting men to approach you. You're NOT the only woman out there. Part of why confident men are willing to risk rejection and approach women is because they know the woman isn't special. If she rejects him, he'll have plenty of other options. I'm not suggesting we completely reverse gender roles and have women do all the pursuing. But when I hear people say they want to stick with tradition, it makes me wonder what other traditions they want to cling to.
And then there will be endless 100+ post consisting of edgy lifes not fair,"harsh truths" this generation fist waving, thats the way it is, random other character flaws usually unrelated thrown around and just basic character assassination.
This is, by far, the best comment on this entire thread. I get why women like to be pursued. It's flattering, it shows the man has confidence, etc. But men find confidence attractive as well. When a woman approaches me, it causes me to think more highly of her. It doesn't guarantee that I'll be interested in her. But the fact that she was willing to take a chance speaks volumes about her. Someone on this thread said they assume a cute guy is probably taken. If a man made such a presumption about an attractive woman, no one would respect him. Here's the other thing to keep in mind if you're wanting men to approach you. You're NOT the only woman out there. Part of why confident men are willing to risk rejection and approach women is because they know the woman isn't special. If she rejects him, he'll have plenty of other options. I'm not suggesting we completely reverse gender roles and have women do all the pursuing. But when I hear people say they want to stick with tradition, it makes me wonder what other traditions they want to cling to.
You'd be surprised how common it is for men to make this assumption, though. Quite a few of our members have posted they don't approach attractive women because they assume they're taken.
You'd be surprised how common it is for men to make this assumption, though. Quite a few of our members have posted they don't approach attractive women because they assume they're taken.
I wouldn't be surprised because I've seen it enough times to know just how common it is. I've even been guilty of using that excuse myself a few times. But that's all it is. An excuse. It's NOT a good reason to avoid approaching someone you have an interest in. That's true for men and it's true for women.
You'd be surprised how common it is for men to make this assumption, though. Quite a few of our members have posted they don't approach attractive women because they assume they're taken.
Yeah I have made that assumption myself but I think he was getting at was I would probably go through the ringer and be seen as scum of the earth hyberbole intended for stating that.
Then you formed the wrong conclusion. If I never had success with every woman I approached, I would NOT come away thinking that women like to pursue. Instead, I would reexamine my own behavior. Is there something wrong with how I'm approaching them? Am I simply approaching the wrong people? What I wouldn't do is say "this whole approaching women first thing doesn't work so I'll just wait for them to approach me."
Traditionally, men have done the approaching. My impression is they like the pursuit, and they don't like a woman who is too available. Whether my conclusion is wrong or not really doesn't matter. I showed interest, and my (almost) husband showed interest back and took steps to make it clear he wanted a relationship with me. I didn't have to try to pursue him because he was already pursuing me.
Then you formed the wrong conclusion. If I never had success with every woman I approached, I would NOT come away thinking that women like to pursue. Instead, I would reexamine my own behavior. Is there something wrong with how I'm approaching them? Am I simply approaching the wrong people? What I wouldn't do is say "this whole approaching women first thing doesn't work so I'll just wait for them to approach me."
Like Ruth, I chat with anyone who strikes my fancy (not just people I think I might want to date--which is impossible for me to tell before I get to know the person anyway).
But the main thing keeping me from talking to a man is if he looks mean/angry (AKA, the male equivalent of the "witch face" that some guys complain about). Most guys walk around like that too... like they are just looking to bite someone's head off! Unless they are with a group and talking and laughing and such... but I also rarely talk to groups of people. Maybe one or two people and I will strike up a conversation, but more, I feel awkward unless invited by them to talk to them or if I already know someone in the group and can mix in easily. This also applies to all people (like if I am at a professional networking event, etc... not a place to meet dates, but just to meet people).
I think a lot of the guys that have that face (I know because I think I sometimes give off that vibe) are actually lonely or stressed, nothing more, nothing less. It's hard to smile all the time as a guy, when not only is it likely going to be unattractive to a large percentage of women, but they are hardly ever approached, yet they have to act like they are experienced and easy-going or the approach won't be successful.
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