Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,771 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
This is gold.
LMAO!!!

I've never had success with any guy I ever approached. What I took from that is men like to pursue and if they're interested, they'll make it known.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:36 PM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,616,747 times
Reputation: 7711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
I've never had success with any guy I ever approached. What I took from that is men like to pursue and if they're interested, they'll make it known.
Then you formed the wrong conclusion. If I never had success with every woman I approached, I would NOT come away thinking that women like to pursue. Instead, I would reexamine my own behavior. Is there something wrong with how I'm approaching them? Am I simply approaching the wrong people? What I wouldn't do is say "this whole approaching women first thing doesn't work so I'll just wait for them to approach me."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Chicago IL
1,360 posts, read 1,690,452 times
Reputation: 1295
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
This is, by far, the best comment on this entire thread. I get why women like to be pursued. It's flattering, it shows the man has confidence, etc. But men find confidence attractive as well. When a woman approaches me, it causes me to think more highly of her. It doesn't guarantee that I'll be interested in her. But the fact that she was willing to take a chance speaks volumes about her. Someone on this thread said they assume a cute guy is probably taken. If a man made such a presumption about an attractive woman, no one would respect him. Here's the other thing to keep in mind if you're wanting men to approach you. You're NOT the only woman out there. Part of why confident men are willing to risk rejection and approach women is because they know the woman isn't special. If she rejects him, he'll have plenty of other options. I'm not suggesting we completely reverse gender roles and have women do all the pursuing. But when I hear people say they want to stick with tradition, it makes me wonder what other traditions they want to cling to.
And then there will be endless 100+ post consisting of edgy lifes not fair,"harsh truths" this generation fist waving, thats the way it is, random other character flaws usually unrelated thrown around and just basic character assassination.

At the end is matter of personal convictions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:40 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
This is, by far, the best comment on this entire thread. I get why women like to be pursued. It's flattering, it shows the man has confidence, etc. But men find confidence attractive as well. When a woman approaches me, it causes me to think more highly of her. It doesn't guarantee that I'll be interested in her. But the fact that she was willing to take a chance speaks volumes about her. Someone on this thread said they assume a cute guy is probably taken. If a man made such a presumption about an attractive woman, no one would respect him. Here's the other thing to keep in mind if you're wanting men to approach you. You're NOT the only woman out there. Part of why confident men are willing to risk rejection and approach women is because they know the woman isn't special. If she rejects him, he'll have plenty of other options. I'm not suggesting we completely reverse gender roles and have women do all the pursuing. But when I hear people say they want to stick with tradition, it makes me wonder what other traditions they want to cling to.
You'd be surprised how common it is for men to make this assumption, though. Quite a few of our members have posted they don't approach attractive women because they assume they're taken.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:46 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,713,374 times
Reputation: 7604
I assume he has a gf and I assume he won't like my looks and be offended by being approached.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:55 PM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,616,747 times
Reputation: 7711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You'd be surprised how common it is for men to make this assumption, though. Quite a few of our members have posted they don't approach attractive women because they assume they're taken.
I wouldn't be surprised because I've seen it enough times to know just how common it is. I've even been guilty of using that excuse myself a few times. But that's all it is. An excuse. It's NOT a good reason to avoid approaching someone you have an interest in. That's true for men and it's true for women.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Chicago IL
1,360 posts, read 1,690,452 times
Reputation: 1295
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You'd be surprised how common it is for men to make this assumption, though. Quite a few of our members have posted they don't approach attractive women because they assume they're taken.
Yeah I have made that assumption myself but I think he was getting at was I would probably go through the ringer and be seen as scum of the earth hyberbole intended for stating that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,771 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Then you formed the wrong conclusion. If I never had success with every woman I approached, I would NOT come away thinking that women like to pursue. Instead, I would reexamine my own behavior. Is there something wrong with how I'm approaching them? Am I simply approaching the wrong people? What I wouldn't do is say "this whole approaching women first thing doesn't work so I'll just wait for them to approach me."
Traditionally, men have done the approaching. My impression is they like the pursuit, and they don't like a woman who is too available. Whether my conclusion is wrong or not really doesn't matter. I showed interest, and my (almost) husband showed interest back and took steps to make it clear he wanted a relationship with me. I didn't have to try to pursue him because he was already pursuing me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 01:42 PM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,784,008 times
Reputation: 4098
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Then you formed the wrong conclusion. If I never had success with every woman I approached, I would NOT come away thinking that women like to pursue. Instead, I would reexamine my own behavior. Is there something wrong with how I'm approaching them? Am I simply approaching the wrong people? What I wouldn't do is say "this whole approaching women first thing doesn't work so I'll just wait for them to approach me."
Excellent post.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2014, 02:13 PM
 
457 posts, read 603,323 times
Reputation: 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Like Ruth, I chat with anyone who strikes my fancy (not just people I think I might want to date--which is impossible for me to tell before I get to know the person anyway).

But the main thing keeping me from talking to a man is if he looks mean/angry (AKA, the male equivalent of the "witch face" that some guys complain about). Most guys walk around like that too... like they are just looking to bite someone's head off! Unless they are with a group and talking and laughing and such... but I also rarely talk to groups of people. Maybe one or two people and I will strike up a conversation, but more, I feel awkward unless invited by them to talk to them or if I already know someone in the group and can mix in easily. This also applies to all people (like if I am at a professional networking event, etc... not a place to meet dates, but just to meet people).
I think a lot of the guys that have that face (I know because I think I sometimes give off that vibe) are actually lonely or stressed, nothing more, nothing less. It's hard to smile all the time as a guy, when not only is it likely going to be unattractive to a large percentage of women, but they are hardly ever approached, yet they have to act like they are experienced and easy-going or the approach won't be successful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:21 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top