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Especially with texting. I have this if they want to talk to me "they will text me." I think it is why I have lost contact with all my old friends, I am too afraid of bothering them or aggravating them. I am talkative once I get comfortable with folks and I will talk about anything.
Yep, that is so much like myself it's scary. I feel like I have to be persistent to accomplish anything socially, and that includes with friends. Almost everything planned on an individual basis with friends would not have happened had I not made the initial contact.
Traditionally, men have done the approaching. My impression is they like the pursuit, and they don't like a woman who is too available. Whether my conclusion is wrong or not really doesn't matter. I showed interest, and my (almost) husband showed interest back and took steps to make it clear he wanted a relationship with me. I didn't have to try to pursue him because he was already pursuing me.
Your conclusion is wrong, not that it really matters. Men don't pursue women because they like it. They do it because they have to. The reason they don't like a woman who is too available isn't because it's too easy. They're turned off for the same reason women are turned off by guys who are too nice. It's because they think there's something wrong with the person. I think a lot of women like to believe that men enjoy the pursuit for two reasons. One, it makes it easier to rationalize why women shouldn't pursue men. After all, if you pursue him, then you'd be depriving him of "the thrill of the hunt." And two, it makes the woman feel special. To know that this guy actually enjoys pursuing you, that's extremely flattering.
Your conclusion is wrong, not that it really matters. Men don't pursue women because they like it. They do it because they have to. The reason they don't like a woman who is too available isn't because it's too easy. They're turned off for the same reason women are turned off by guys who are too nice. It's because they think there's something wrong with the person. I think a lot of women like to believe that men enjoy the pursuit for two reasons. One, it makes it easier to rationalize why women shouldn't pursue men. After all, if you pursue him, then you'd be depriving him of "the thrill of the hunt." And two, it makes the woman feel special. To know that this guy actually enjoys pursuing you, that's extremely flattering.
I'm not a guy but I just don't buy that men only pursue women because they have to. There might be some men that feel that way - but I think there is probably a pretty large number of men out there who do enjoy pursuing women. I've been hit on by too many men in too many different situations to believe that they were only doing it because they felt they had to. Now, YOU might not enjoy pursuing women - and that's totally fine - but I just don't don't believe that all men or even the majority of men feel this way.
And women would feel flattered whether or not the men pursuing them enjoyed it or not. I mean - you aren't going to pursue someone you aren't attracted to or interested in regardless of if you are enjoying it or not.
I'm not a guy but I just don't buy that men only pursue women because they have to. There might be some men that feel that way - but I think there is probably a pretty large number of men out there who do enjoy pursuing women. I've been hit on by too many men in too many different situations to believe that they were only doing it because they felt they had to. Now, YOU might not enjoy pursuing women - and that's totally fine - but I just don't don't believe that all men or even the majority of men feel this way.
And women would feel flattered whether or not the men pursuing them enjoyed it or not. I mean - you aren't going to pursue someone you aren't attracted to or interested in regardless of if you are enjoying it or not.
Put yourself in a guy's shoes. You see a woman who interests you. You can either pursue her or do nothing. It's unlikely she'll pursue you so if you don't pursue her, you'll lose out. Hence, the reason a guy HAS to pursue women. I'm not saying anyone's forcing him or that he does so reluctantly. But like most things in life, if you want it, you have to go after it. You say that lots of men have hit on you. But that doesn't prove they enjoyed doing it. It's important to separate a goal from the things you have to do to achieve those goals. It could be a personal or a professional goal. The enjoyment comes from actually achieving it. Getting there isn't always a fun process. Now, I'm not saying men DISLIKE pursuing women either. Just like with any other pursuit, there are aspects you like and aspects you don't.
As for the second point, I never said a woman wouldn't be flattered that a guy pursued even if he didn't enjoy it. But it's far more flattering to know that he does enjoy it. Men often do things for women, not because they genuinely want to, but because they feel it's expected of them. Think about the guy who gets his wife or GF an anniversary present or buys her flowers. Is he doing it because he wants to or simply because he knows that's what she wants and expects of him. It's certainly more flattering to know he did it because he wanted to.
I used to think that, but I realized I was missing out on some great guys. They'd repeatedly look my way and signal their interest, but couldn't take that big step of starting a conversation. I decided that expecting them to be the first one to approach and speak was just a silly prejudice that gets in the way of two people getting to know each other and possibly hitting it off. Actually, some of the greatest guys are the shy ones. At least you know they won't be playing other women.
Put yourself in a guy's shoes. You see a woman who interests you. You can either pursue her or do nothing. It's unlikely she'll pursue you so if you don't pursue her, you'll lose out. Hence, the reason a guy HAS to pursue women. I'm not saying anyone's forcing him or that he does so reluctantly. But like most things in life, if you want it, you have to go after it. You say that lots of men have hit on you. But that doesn't prove they enjoyed doing it. It's important to separate a goal from the things you have to do to achieve those goals. It could be a personal or a professional goal. The enjoyment comes from actually achieving it. Getting there isn't always a fun process. Now, I'm not saying men DISLIKE pursuing women either. Just like with any other pursuit, there are aspects you like and aspects you don't.
As for the second point, I never said a woman wouldn't be flattered that a guy pursued even if he didn't enjoy it. But it's far more flattering to know that he does enjoy it. Men often do things for women, not because they genuinely want to, but because they feel it's expected of them. Think about the guy who gets his wife or GF an anniversary present or buys her flowers. Is he doing it because he wants to or simply because he knows that's what she wants and expects of him. It's certainly more flattering to know he did it because he wanted to.
I'm still not buying that the only reason men pursue women is because they have to and not because they want to. Did the guy driving past my mom and me in the parking lot HAVE to stop and hit on me? I mean - I didn't even SEE him - so you can't blame me for being a non-initiating woman. You can't tell me that he only hit on me because he knew that I wouldn't hit on him because I'm a woman. He saw me and he stopped the car to talk to me. And that's just one instance. You'll never convince me that the only reason that men hit on women is because they feel that women won't hit on them. Whether or not they enjoy it depends on the man - but I think it is something innate in many men that makes them go after what they want and not the lack of that something in women.
I'm still not buying that the only reason men pursue women is because they have to and not because they want to. Did the guy driving past my mom and me in the parking lot HAVE to stop and hit on me? I mean - I didn't even SEE him - so you can't blame me for being a non-initiating woman. You can't tell me that he only hit on me because he knew that I wouldn't hit on him because I'm a woman. He saw me and he stopped the car to talk to me. And that's just one instance. You'll never convince me that the only reason that men hit on women is because they feel that women won't hit on them. Whether or not they enjoy it depends on the man - but I think it is something innate in many men that makes them go after what they want and not the lack of that something in women.
I don't think you're understanding what I've been saying. The man didn't stop to hit on you because he HAD to. He could've just driven right by and not said or done anything. The reason he did stop was because he was interested in you. You didn't see him, but he saw you. But when he saw you, he had two choices. Wait for you to see him and hope that you'd show interest in him. Or hit on you. Since the first option was unlikely, that left him with only one option, which was to pursue you. So I won't convince you that the only reason men hit on women is because women won't hit on them? Then explain how men and women get together if neither person pursues the other. Obviously, someone has to make a move. And since most women refuse to pursue men, what option's left?
I don't think you're understanding what I've been saying. The man didn't stop to hit on you because he HAD to. He could've just driven right by and not said or done anything. The reason he did stop was because he was interested in you. You didn't see him, but he saw you. But when he saw you, he had two choices. Wait for you to see him and hope that you'd show interest in him. Or hit on you. Since the first option was unlikely, that left him with only one option, which was to pursue you. So I won't convince you that the only reason men hit on women is because women won't hit on them? Then explain how men and women get together if neither person pursues the other. Obviously, someone has to make a move. And since most women refuse to pursue men, what option's left?
Men and women get together all the time without anyone hitting on anyone. All of my relationships started with people I knew through school or work or my social circle. Hitting on someone is not necessary - people do it because they want to.
So - you think that if women hit on men more often, that guy in the parking lot wouldn't have stopped to hit on me?
Won't strike up a conversation if there are too many people around. My friends or his friends. Then it gets tricky.
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Men don't pursue women because they like it. They do it because they have to. The reason they don't like a woman who is too available isn't because it's too easy. They're turned off for the same reason women are turned off by guys who are too nice. It's because they think there's something wrong with the person. I think a lot of women like to believe that men enjoy the pursuit for two reasons. One, it makes it easier to rationalize why women shouldn't pursue men. After all, if you pursue him, then you'd be depriving him of "the thrill of the hunt." And two, it makes the woman feel special. To know that this guy actually enjoys pursuing you, that's extremely flattering.
