Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Do you really believe this drivel.. I mean really??
Take the genders out of the situation for a second...it's just basic common decency and manners that when someone invites someone else out, that the inviter pays, unless there is some other upfront discussion.
I'm not taking about bros hanging out at a bar and grabbing some beers... not the same thing.
All you guys that moan and snivel about "oh why should we have to pay" blah blah blah....
I'ts really simple... you wanna score chicks, you gotta put in the work... cause as much as men don't like it, men still generally do more of the pursuing... it's just a cold hard fact that a lot of guys don't want to admit.
Cause women don't have to chase, not nearly as much.... get on the big boy britches and buckle up cause that's just the way it is...
If it isn't the way it is, stop asking women out and see how dull your weekends get because unless you're Bradley Cooper, I doubt you'd have too many women beating your doors down to date you.
Which comes back to what I said a minute ago.... you want to date women, you gotta be more aggressive and ask them.
The one who does the asking generally does the paying, unless the other party offers to go dutch right off the bat.
I'll repeat it again just because I like typing so much, take the genders out of the equation and what I said is still generally how it goes... at least in circles where good manners are practiced.
The inviter paying is my take on it. If you invite someone out (a date... or even your mother, a friend, or whoever... it's poor manners to assume the person you invited should pay). Although a lot of times I go with "whoever picks the place" pays for it. Last guy I dated didn't even want me to pay. He used to ask me out and ask me where I wanted to eat. Instead of telling him where, I told him what. So I would say (for example), "Italian sounds good." That left it to him to pick the place (and his price range). Before him, I had a date with a guy who came to my area to see me. Since he didn't know where to eat, I picked the place (and I paid accordingly because it seemed unfair to him).
If I ask a guy out on a date, I am always ready to pay because--like you said, I asked. Most men won't let me though (which is really nice of them).
For what it's worth, I always prepare to go Dutch even when asked out and turn down the idea of going to any place I can't afford, because you never know (actually, I am always prepared for something really bad like a guy flaking and taking off mid date and leaving me with the bill. Although that's never happened to me, I've heard of it happening to others). But if a man pays for it all, it tells me he really enjoyed and valued the time spend with me--it makes me feel special in a way that going dutch doesn't. It's a turn on and peaks my interest in him.
Actually I see the number of such posts as being the death throes of such an
archaic notion. Quite often when outdated ideas and practices are on the way out
- those that cling to it get uppity and vocal and that is when we see an
INCREASE - rather than the decrease you seem to expect - of conversations on
such topics.
It is the hammer blows of modernity that compel people to
start such threads. The transition itself rather than the thing being
transitioned - that leaves people uncertain and motivated to start discussions
on such topics.
Much of the conversation isn't really discussion as it is whining and complaining from a particular set of men that seem hell bent on not paying for dates. Their vibe is indignant and boarders on misogyny. The title "When do your EXPECT her to pay" is not reflective of this transition. Gender transitions are not generally straight line transitions.
I do believe there is a transition taking place. Quicker in more progressive areas and among the younger generation. The majority of female posters have repeatedly expressed their willingness to pay/pay half/offer to pay. So there ya go.
Among the older crowd, a man paying for dates was the way it has been for us. All in all dating worked out pretty well. I'm not sure I can say the same for the younger generation. Perhaps it is just because of advanced media but gezz between the online dating drama, bickering over paying for a meal and deal breakers I feel sorry for them.
I do believe there is a transition taking place. Quicker in more progressive areas and among the younger generation. The majority of female posters have repeatedly expressed their willingness to pay/pay half/offer to pay. So there ya go.
Exactly, and I think most of those women have recounted experiences where their offer was heartily turned down or perceived as an insult to the man. So this isn't merely an issue of greedy women wanting to be treated like princesses. There's been very little criticism from the usual suspects for the men who believe it's their duty (or privilege) to pay for a date and are ready and willing to do so.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 06-17-2014 at 09:43 AM..
Umm, this was EXACTLY my point, just more expanded on. I've found women here who dont mind paying for date one and still want to get to date 2 with me. That is why I like living in a progressive area like DC.
Yes, but I believe you have also mentioned before that if you asked someone out and you really liked her, you wouldn't mind paying for the first date. Like I said, I always offer but I never went out with someone that didn't genuinely want to pay for me. And when I had an open relationship but asked guys out to dinner or we ended up going out to dinner - I paid for both of us.
Exactly, and I think most of those women have recounted experiences where their offer was heartily turned down or perceived as an insult to the man. So this isn't merely an issue of greedy women wanting to be treated like princesses.
I admit it is nice to get a free meal once in a while but it takes a heck of a lot more than that to make me feel like a princess. I guess. I don't even know how that would feel.
I'm definitely not going to compromise, well anything, for free food.
Some seem to miss the point. Its not the money, its the symbolic gesture. Archaic dating was a means to an end. Marriage. As yes, generally women, the smart ones, if they were going to make a life long commitment wanted to pair with a man that treated them well and could provide for a family. This is how it was.
I guess we will just have to see how this progressive dating pans out and if the progressiveness spills into the LTR. I think those with expectations on who is going to pay and when will have a hard way to go.
"The one who does the inviting should pay" is just another way of saying, "the man should pay," because the majority of women who use that line of reasoning aren't doing the inviting. And it's easy to tell someone not to worry about the expenses when you aren't doing the paying.
So do what you want. Invite and pay your own way. Live your life the way you want to. One thing is for sure - whoever is attracted by you if you behave that way, will definitely be a woman that will pay her own way. Am I right or not?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TehSamurai
"The one who does the inviting should pay" is just another way of saying, "the man should pay," because the majority of women who use that line of reasoning aren't doing the inviting. And it's easy to tell someone not to worry about the expenses when you aren't doing the paying.
"The one who does the inviting should pay" is just another way of saying, "the man should pay," because the majority of women who use that line of reasoning aren't doing the inviting. And it's easy to tell someone not to worry about the expenses when you aren't doing the paying.
Then don't ask women out. Or if you do find someone that you just have to ask out - let her know ahead of time that she has to pay for herself. Problem solved!
Then don't ask women out. Or if you do find someone that you just have to ask out - let her know ahead of time that she has to pay for herself. Problem solved!
The problem is systemic, so my actions alone wouldn't solve it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
