Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Congratulations. I'm always amazed that people invest more into their careers than their spouse. Your spouse is the one that will be with you when you retire and die.
So true. I never felt so empty and alone until I lost my job- As someone else pointed out, I revolved my life around my work because I thought that my job represents me as a human being. In reality, my work is just apart of me- it's not all of me. Someday, I will retire and.... die- somebody else will replace me and do the work I use to do because just like everyone else who works for a corporation, I'm expendable.
Last edited by HeadacheFan; 06-11-2014 at 09:57 PM..
I see nothing louche or reprehensible in dedicating oneself primarily to one's career – for either the husband or the wife. Of course marriages require patience and dedication, but how is it necessary to place one's spouse as the centerpiece of one's emotional wherewithal, instead of one's vocation? The OP shouldn’t berate herself over this.
However, I definitely regard it to be louche and reprehensible to become enamored of the belief that one "can do better" than one's present spouse. Is this where the cult of self-improvement has taken us? Now that I'm such a better woman (or man), I ought to be swimming in deeper waters, and find a better husband (or wife)? Or maybe I'm so awesome, that I don't need anyone whatsoever?
We all need a partner. We all need support. And this is true whether your job is to scrub toilets, or you're the CEO, whether you're an airman without stripes refueling B-52s in Greenland, or a 4-star general. It shouldn't take tragedies such as losing one's job, to appreciate this fact. I'm sorry to hear about the devastating setback in the OP's life, and wish her well. Hopefully she will soon be able to resume her career, but without regarding her husband as inferior to her, or as a stepping-stone to some better alternative.
So, you wanted to cheat, but you were too busy to cheat. If you were not too busy and the other person is interested also, you would have totally cheated?
So, you wanted to cheat, but you were too busy to cheat. If you were not too busy and the other person is interested also, you would have totally cheated?
My husband and I were in discussion of a divorce (last week) and we were both in agreement months ago that our marriage is not working out.- I was attracted/infatuated to someone at work and because I'm married, nothing else came out of my feelings. I admit, this "crushing" on someone else influence my decision of "maybe" it's a good idea to get a divorce- (I thought my attraction for another person is a sign of "it's time to divorce" kind of feeling) my mind goes like this at that time: I can do whatever I want, I can work whenever I want and I can start dating whoever I want, if we divorce.- If I wanted to cheat, I could have- but this will mean two things- Betraying my husband twice (I betrayed him once by neglecting our marriage because of my job) and I would need to give another part of me to someone else and I just don't have time for that. Everything I did was for my job- In essence, it was for myself. I was selfish.
I believe that this is the time for redemption. It's really the case of "I didn't know what I got, until it's gone".. this time, "Until it's ALMOST gone". I almost lose my husband,
Last edited by HeadacheFan; 06-11-2014 at 09:58 PM..
I see nothing louche or reprehensible in dedicating oneself primarily to one's career – for either the husband or the wife. Of course marriages require patience and dedication, but how is it necessary to place one's spouse as the centerpiece of one's emotional wherewithal, instead of one's vocation? The OP shouldn’t berate herself over this.
However, I definitely regard it to be louche and reprehensible to become enamored of the belief that one "can do better" than one's present spouse. Is this where the cult of self-improvement has taken us? Now that I'm such a better woman (or man), I ought to be swimming in deeper waters, and find a better husband (or wife)? Or maybe I'm so awesome, that I don't need anyone whatsoever?
We all need a partner. We all need support. And this is true whether your job is to scrub toilets, or you're the CEO, whether you're an airman without stripes refueling B-52s in Greenland, or a 4-star general. It shouldn't take tragedies such as losing one's job, to appreciate this fact. I'm sorry to hear about the devastating setback in the OP's life, and wish her well. Hopefully she will soon be able to resume her career, but without regarding her husband as inferior to her, or as a stepping-stone to some better alternative.
Thank you for saying that. I don't know why I felt that. My husband is a good man, he has a good job- He's attractive, funny and very intelligent. I think because we both work and both are dedicated to our job (he has a good career and spends a lot of his time at work as well as I), our romance took a dive. I got bored. We rarely go on a date and when we do, I always find something negative about it- The place is too crowded, the place is not crowded, food is so so, etc. We were essentially living a separate life.
I think it's kind of pathetic actually, sorry. You lose the 'one' thing that mattered to you and gave you your independence, and now that it's gone and you are financially dependant your husband, now you care about you him?! Wow...lol.
My husband and I were in discussion of a divorce (last week) and we were both in agreement months ago that our marriage is not working out.- I was attracted/infatuated to someone at work and because I'm married, nothing else came out of my feelings. I admit, this "crushing" on someone else influence my decision of "maybe" it's a good idea to get a divorce- (I thought my attraction for another person is a sign of "it's time to divorce" kind of feeling) my mind goes like this at that time: I can do whatever I want, I can work whenever I want and I can start dating whoever I want, if we divorce.- If I wanted to cheat, I could have- but this will mean two things- Betraying my husband twice (I betrayed him once by neglecting our marriage because of my job) and I would need to give another part of me to someone else and I just don't have time for that. Everything I did was for my job- In essence, it was for myself. I was selfish.
I believe that this is the time for redemption. It's really the case of "I didn't know what I got, until it's gone".. this time, "Until it's ALMOST gone". I almost lose my husband,
This is where the commitment part of marriage comes in. SO many people get tripped up by thinking that "feelings of love" will carry them through the times when you get bored/fed up/busy etc.
It's a CHOICE to stay with him every day no matter what.
I seriously recommend marriage counseling as it really feels like you are on a "thank goodness I have YOU" high right now, and the crash will hit you hard in about two weeks when your previous work routine is no longer there to distract you from your negative feelings about your marriage.
My husband and I were in discussion of a divorce (last week) and we were both in agreement months ago that our marriage is not working out.- I was attracted/infatuated to someone at work and because I'm married, nothing else came out of my feelings. I admit, this "crushing" on someone else influence my decision of "maybe" it's a good idea to get a divorce- (I thought my attraction for another person is a sign of "it's time to divorce" kind of feeling) my mind goes like this at that time: I can do whatever I want, I can work whenever I want and I can start dating whoever I want, if we divorce.- If I wanted to cheat, I could have- but this will mean two things- Betraying my husband twice (I betrayed him once by neglecting our marriage because of my job) and I would need to give another part of me to someone else and I just don't have time for that. Everything I did was for my job- In essence, it was for myself. I was selfish.
I believe that this is the time for redemption. It's really the case of "I didn't know what I got, until it's gone".. this time, "Until it's ALMOST gone". I almost lose my husband,
I have to ask? was the reason for your 'firing' because of this other 'crush' at work? boss?
I think you're clinging to your husband because he's all you've got. This was your immediate reaction to being fired.
You didn't come to this conclusion over a week or even a month of being unemployed and watching your husband encourage and support you. It was the same day you got fired. Or (for example) if you had realized all this about yourself and quit your job or switched to a less demanding job, your post would make more sense.
Nobody changes immediately like that. Your husband (from what you have said here) has always been a decent guy. Now, he's doing what any decent man would do. He's supporting his spouse through a difficult time.
I do not see what really changed here except that you are unemployed and dependent on your husband.
Once you find a new job, it's not unlikely that you'll go back to being consumed by work.
Something has to really change. A way of thinking does not change in the span of a few hours.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
