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I agree. But really, a 31" is nothing to be seriously worrying. I guarantee that THAT would not be the "thing" that is keeping you single, hon.
No. But I am improving my looks. Waist is one of them. For me, it's too big if it's not in the 20s, and by that I mean smaller than 25. Especially for my very short height. Supposedly, I have good hips, but they'd show better if I lost more of my waist area. And maybe some exercises to enhance my hips more later. Because my figure doesn't show unless I wear dark and tight clothes. My mother says it's not true. but she says alot of things. lol
So, that's just one thing on my list. I have a few others. Like hair. I may dye it red. Blonde is a rather boring color.
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-15-2014 at 07:45 AM..
"Pushing 20"??? What do you mean? You have a great life ahead of you, young friend. Wait till you get 40. We'll talk then if things still stay the same. Brighten up a little, okay?
I haven't read all the posts, but if you were my daughter I would get you a few sessions with a therapist who would help you reboot your circular thinking and get going on a healthier route. Or, you could just listen to your mother, but who does that?
In the meantime, do things that help you grow as a person, like go back to school or get into some activities with people your age. The last thing you need is more magical thinking about "guys flocking to you". Right now, you will only attract guys who can't tell the difference between someone who's too needy and screwed up, and someone who is not.
Your whole life is ahead of you, so live your life for yourself and when a man comes along you will be ready.
You are looking for something outside yourself to make you happy, and let me tell you—that never works. Happiness is an “inside” job. It’s the journey, not the destination that counts in life. BECAUSE how you feel is usually just plain old HOW YOU FEEL. You only think you’d feel better if you were in a relationship. The feelings you have right now are carried with you into potential relationships, and unless you start working on YOU now, even if you find someone to be with, it won’t last. Others respond to you based on how you’re projecting yourself….based on how YOU perceive yourself. Your screen name says it all: “victim”. Stop seeing yourself as that—ask the mods to change that part of your name. Stop feeling sorry for yourself: Your vibrations about yourself, about life, is what’s unconsciously repelling others. Until you stop focusing on what is wrong with your life, you can’t let in better things. Pay attention to this if nothing else: what you focus on is what increases in your life. You’re focused on feeling miserable while being alone. That is where you will still be 4 years from now if you keep that focus. STOP thinking about it. Find some hobbies, FIND YOURSELF. Even if you do manage to land someone, you will probably still have those “miserable”-type feelings and wonder why you can’t be happy now that you do have someone. It’s because you didn’t change the root cause of all this.
Act like you want to feel IF you were already in a relationship. It’s all in the feelings anyway. You want something for yourself (a relationship in this case) because you think that in the having of one, that you will feel better. Skip the middleman for now and just jump to feeling better! Don’t make YOUR feelings someone else’s (or a certain circumstance) responsibility. If you do, you can never truly be happy and will likely end up chasing off the “good ones”.
Have you ever heard the old saying that goes something like this: "If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”? You HAVE to do (think, say, write, feel) something different (instead of the same old “woe is me” stuff) in order to get something new (better feelings, better circumstance) in your life. Keep doing what you’re doing right now and it’s guaranteed you’ll stay in the same feeling place as you are right now. Get off the relationship boards and find a new, uplifting positive community in which to spend your time. Find what it is that will cause you excitement to read to participate in. I doubt you’re smiling and enjoying yourself when you post here…..
No one can jump from feeling really low to a feeling place of exuberance. Totally unrealistic. But, I bet you can find some feelings that are a bit above what you’re feeling now that would be totally believable to you. Try that. Work at reaching for a slightly better feeling on the matter. Nurse that awhile until you really feel it / believe it. Then take another baby step upwards. You have to find a way to like yourself because until YOU like YOU, how can you expect someone else to, so start now to find something to like about yourself, even if it is only that your pinky finger is so darn cute ;-)
You’re stuck in this rut because somewhere along the line you had a bad-feeling thought that you chewed on long enough that it became “fact” for you. Something you accepted about yourself. Then you thought on it some more and started feeling badly because of it. Your thought came before that feeling even if right now you think how you feel is responsible for how you’re thinking. It’s because you lived with it long enough that it became your unconscious programming—and it’s right there, running in the background all the time. The good news is that you CAN change it. You simply start by CHOOSING to having better thoughts about yourself. If you don’t feel you can start with yourself, then just think on something that IS good and stay there. You can only think one thought at a time anyway. Every time a bad thought about yourself comes up, substitute it with something that is pleasant to think about. Stop allowing yourself to wallow in your rut. But, in the end, it’s all your decision. Take dominion over your thoughts—you’re the ONLY ONE that can. And the sooner you do it, the better! You’re lucky—you’re ONLY 20. You have a whole lifetime to be a happy person if you start now. Some people don’t get this message until they’re hitting middle age; some people never get this message and die miserable. What are you going to choose? No one can do it for you. Your thoughts, your feelings—all your responsibility and no one else’s. Not your parents, not a husband, nobody.
I’m writing this a little envious that you’re hearing this at age 20 instead of age 40 like I was when I finally figured it out. But, better late than never! I’m wishing you the best…...
I don't feel old, but I know this is the youngest I am ever going to be. It petrifies me that I'll be 30 in just 10 years. Where will I be by then? Will I be just as lonely. The future is never planned.
You realty need o see a DR.
It sounds like you have low self confidence, first you have to like yourself before anyone else will. Look for groups that can help you build your impression of your self up and I am sure you worries will vanish, I am 69 and divorcee 32 years and very happy with my life. I do not need someone in my life to make me happy.
My younger self always saw my present self in dozens of relationships, and having guys flock to me, and none of that ever happened.
Only about 20% of women, if that, experience flocking. Women get brainwashed at a very early age to think that men will come to them. That only happens to a minority of women. Most women have to initiate the relationship in some way. By letting the guy know in some manner that she's interested, by making sure she's in the right place at the right time for him to notice her, or by starting a conversation, and another. If you expect guys to flock, you're going to be waiting a very long time for your life to begin.
I don't feel old, but I know this is the youngest I am ever going to be. It petrifies me that I'll be 30 in just 10 years. Where will I be by then? Will I be just as lonely. The future is never planned.
You may well be in the same state in 10 years. With or without having had at least one relationship of some duration. And you know what? It won't be the end of the world. You should be enjoying life.
If you haven't gone to college, and you have that option, do that. Get yourself an education and a job or career. Save your money to do a little travel. Read. Develop your mind and personality. Become an interesting person. Have fun. Exude joy, or at least--contentment and occasional enthusiasm. It's contagious.
I don't want a "little" family, but it pains me to know that no one even liked me enough to try to knock me up. I feel almost undesirable and unwanted.
Put a ad on CL. I'm sure some guy will come over, and help you out with that. Then you can have 18 years of raising a kid as a single mom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kawaiivictim
My younger self always saw my present self in dozens of relationships, and having guys flock to me, and none of that ever happened.
Sorry but what are you doing to attract men? How is your disposition when interaction. Do you instantly say let's make a baby or maybe we can meet for coffee
Personally I would tell you to stop being such a drama queen. You're 20. Sit down and take a long hard look at what your friends who are having babies are doing. It's no picnic. Babies require a LOT of work and money.
And having a baby young is harder financially than having babies when you're financially established with a good job. 5 minutes of fun= a lifetime of responsibility.
You are looking for something outside yourself to make you happy, and let me tell you—that never works. Happiness is an “inside” job.
You’re stuck in this rut because somewhere along the line you had a bad-feeling thought that you chewed on long enough that it became “fact” for you. Something you accepted about yourself. Then you thought on it some more and started feeling badly because of it. Your thought came before that feeling even if right now you think how you feel is responsible for how you’re thinking. It’s because you lived with it long enough that it became your unconscious programming—and it’s right there, running in the background all the time. The good news is that you CAN change it. You simply start by CHOOSING to having better thoughts about yourself. If you don’t feel you can start with yourself, then just think on something that IS good and stay there. You can only think one thought at a time anyway.
Every time a bad thought about yourself comes up, substitute it with something that is pleasant to think about. Stop allowing yourself to wallow in your rut. But, in the end, it’s all your decision.
Take dominion over your thoughts—you’re the ONLY ONE that can. And the sooner you do it, the better! You’re lucky—you’re ONLY 20. You have a whole lifetime to be a happy person if you start now. Some people don’t get this message until they’re hitting middle age; some people never get this message and die miserable. What are you going to choose? No one can do it for you. Your thoughts, your feelings—all your responsibility and no one else’s. Not your parents, not a husband, nobody.
I’m writing this a little envious that you’re hearing this at age 20 instead of age 40 like I was when I finally figured it out. But, better late than never! I’m wishing you the best…...
Don't be envious - just because she reads it doesn't mean she's willing to learn from it.
My hunch is she'll keep suffering for years to come simply because she refuses to learn anything new. Maybe she'll just have to reach 40 like you did before it makes any sense to her
Great job though, really insightful post
I do sincerely hope someone reading here will pay attention to your advice
I don't feel old, but I know this is the youngest I am ever going to be. It petrifies me that I'll be 30 in just 10 years. Where will I be by then? Will I be just as lonely. The future is never planned.
Instead of hoping some guy will save you from yourself, set some goals; make a plan to achieve them; and get into action. It's a life-long process. Planning for the future and acting on the plan, makes the future less uncertain than waiting and fearing to be 30, 40,..., 90+.
Your future is about what you do, now, to make it happen.
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