I'm pushing 20, and I'm scared I'll be alone forever. (dating, men, love)
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Deep down all I've ever wanted was for someone to like me back, and receive love and affection from people other than my family. I don't know why I'm so aloof and difficult. I very much want to be likeable, and I'm trying to be more outgoing. Maybe it stems from childhood "bullying", but I just don't think anyone is willing to give me a chance. In high school, being single wasn't the worst thing, but now it's starting to dwell on me. I know I'm still young, but I won't be young forever.
I put a lot of time and effort into making myself "better". Whatever flaw I have/had, I do everything I possibly can to diminish it. My mother tells me I worry about things that no one cares about. But if I care about it, then someone somewhere does too! I feel truly alone, and that no one likes me anymore. I feel like a child star that aged out of their cuteness.
I was born an only child, and some of my closest relatives already have little families of their own. This almost kills me, because it brings me back into the realization that we're no longer the children we used to be. Everyone is socially growing, and becoming more mature than I am in a different sense. They know what it feels like to be desired and what it's like to have a guy genuinely like you, and I don't.
I'm not saying men aren't attracted to me, at least not the normal ones.
Trust me, you've lucked out not having a "little" family of your own at 19.
Maybe you should see a therapist. The fact you feel old at 19 is pretty weird. I'm four years older than you and I still feel pretty fresh. Maybe that's just dementia setting in early??
Deep down all I've ever wanted was for someone to like me back, and receive love and affection from people other than my family. I don't know why I'm so aloof and difficult. I very much want to be likeable, and I'm trying to be more outgoing. Maybe it stems from childhood "bullying", but I just don't think anyone is willing to give me a chance. In high school, being single wasn't the worst thing, but now it's starting to dwell on me. I know I'm still young, but I won't be young forever.
I put a lot of time and effort into making myself "better". Whatever flaw I have/had, I do everything I possibly can to diminish it. My mother tells me I worry about things that no one cares about. But if I care about it, then someone somewhere does too! I feel truly alone, and that no one likes me anymore. I feel like a child star that aged out of their cuteness.
I was born an only child, and some of my closest relatives already have little families of their own. This almost kills me, because it brings me back into the realization that we're no longer the children we used to be. Everyone is socially growing, and becoming more mature than I am in a different sense. They know what it feels like to be desired and what it's like to have a guy genuinely like you, and I don't.
I'm not saying men aren't attracted to me, at least not the normal ones.
Sounds like you would really benefit from some time with a therapist
It's normal to be scared of some things in life, but when you are letting that fear rule you and "terrify" you to the point of ruminating and obsessing, it's time for some help.
You are 20 and have lots to learn - get out there and start living and learning.
I don't feel old, but I know this is the youngest I am ever going to be. It petrifies me that I'll be 30 in just 10 years. Where will I be by then? Will I be just as lonely. The future is never planned.
Trust me, you've lucked out not having a "little" family of your own at 19.
Maybe you should see a therapist. The fact you feel old at 19 is pretty weird. I'm four years older than you and I still feel pretty fresh. Maybe that's just dementia setting in early??
I don't want a "little" family, but it pains me to know that no one even liked me enough to try to knock me up. I feel almost undesirable and unwanted.
I don't feel old, but I know this is the youngest I am ever going to be. It petrifies me that I'll be 30 in just 10 years. Where will I be by then? Will I be just as lonely. The future is never planned.
oh good grief, now you are just whining
All this crap will become a self-fulfilling prophecy at the rate you are going.
I don't feel old, but I know this is the youngest I am ever going to be. It petrifies me that I'll be 30 in just 10 years. Where will I be by then? Will I be just as lonely. The future is never planned.
So much changes in ten years that it is ridiculous to look that far ahead and be able to guess anything about your life at that time.
It appears that you don't really like yourself, hence why you want to be "more likeable" and outgoing, and you call yourself aloof and difficult. Almost no one is solely defined by their negative traits. You should first learn to appreciate your qualities before you can expect someone else to.
20 years old is just starting out in life. You're being way too dramatic.
Are you going to college? Join some clubs or groups that interest you. If your concern is dating, try plenty of fish or OK Cupid.
Everyone has flaws. It's good to work on them, but you'll also learn to accept some of them. The best piece of advice 30 year old me would give 20 year old me is "don't worry." But the 20 year old me probably wouldn't listen.
My younger self always saw my present self in dozens of relationships, and having guys flock to me, and none of that ever happened.
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