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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davachka
ok one of us: republican, pro war, pro military, anti health food/organics, very much meat and potatoes type and despises fish (can't be eaten around), ex athlete so looks perfect still and does not work out at all, anti religions (especially muslims), judgmental, hates conflict and does not communicate, pushes opinions/tastes/preferences on other one, spontaneous/procrastinator
the other one: libertarian, anti war, limited military, pro health food/organics, life long TOTAL health nut and does not really eat meat besides fish, total gym rat and loves daily physical activity, accepts all religions and believes in tolerance for all, feels need to be open and tries to communicate but does not really work, does not push personal preferences on other one, planner
both: atheists, kind, respectful, love children and animals, outgoing, very monogamous/committed, love hiking, outdoors, world travelers and domestic road trippers
Sigh ....... very generally speaking likes attract, not opposites, and their relationships last longer - but there are so many exceptions to the rule. Take a look at his father, that might give you a clue as to whether he will become fat, unhealthy, and bigoted as he grows older. I don't have a good feeling about this, but then again I'm judgmental against people who believe the govt excuses for war, and worry about the lack of ability to communicate. Sometimes people hide their bad attributes until after the marriage, maybe even you do that to some extent. Both my ex and I did that before our brief marriage, but the worst problem was her inability to discuss problems rationally and compromise.
One of the things that surprised me most about HS and college was that the nerdy girls didnt want their nerdy male equivalents. They wanted guys who were the complete opposite
ok one of us: republican, pro war, pro military, anti health food/organics, very much meat and potatoes type and despises fish (can't be eaten around), ex athlete so looks perfect still and does not work out at all, anti religions (especially muslims), judgmental, hates conflict and does not communicate, pushes opinions/tastes/preferences on other one, spontaneous/procrastinator
the other one: libertarian, anti war, limited military, pro health food/organics, life long TOTAL health nut and does not really eat meat besides fish, total gym rat and loves daily physical activity, accepts all religions and believes in tolerance for all, feels need to be open and tries to communicate but does not really work, does not push personal preferences on other one, planner
both: atheists, kind, respectful, love children and animals, outgoing, very monogamous/committed, love hiking, outdoors, world travelers and domestic road trippers
There are all kinds of people who are kind, respectful, love children and animals, hiking, travelling, etc. Someone who doesn't share your world views, beliefs, lifestyle, well love is not going to be enough to hold you together. Shared activities are not the glue nor the foundation for a good relationship.
ok one of us: republican, pro war, pro military, anti health food/organics, very much meat and potatoes type and despises fish (can't be eaten around), ex athlete so looks perfect still and does not work out at all, anti religions (especially muslims), judgmental, hates conflict and does not communicate, pushes opinions/tastes/preferences on other one, spontaneous/procrastinator
the other one: libertarian, anti war, limited military, pro health food/organics, life long TOTAL health nut and does not really eat meat besides fish, total gym rat and loves daily physical activity, accepts all religions and believes in tolerance for all, feels need to be open and tries to communicate but does not really work, does not push personal preferences on other one, planner
both: atheists, kind, respectful, love children and animals, outgoing, very monogamous/committed, love hiking, outdoors, world travelers and domestic road trippers
How lucky are you both to be such complete stereotypes!?
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How lucky are you both to be such complete stereotypes!?
hmm I really don't think either one of us is a complete stereotype and probably quite the opposite!!??
I was just trying to simplify it.....but the pro military person is very anti conflict and is not aggressive/does not argue, etc.....Also, was a huge athlete for 20 years and could/had to eat everything under the sun so I guess never got into health food, therefore difference of lifestyle. But I wonder if those things are just small details. Neither of us def fit the mold which is probably how we got together.
The issue is partially that he does not communicate, so we don't talk about our differences or problems. He has literally never had one complaint with me. Ever. If I say I don't believe in capital punishment he looks at me then quickly changes the subject. I know he wants me to think what he thinks, but I don't or won't so it is just avoided.
He is military, as is his dad. But in the past he only said to me that he is trying to help people, as his position is solely training other armies to be better, he does not fight really. So I thought, well, he is trying to help other countries, other people, etc, how very selfless. But recently he is saying many more things, I guess he is more comfortable opening up a bit, and they are very different from how I feel. I don't judge and I accept his views though but we are opposites in that regard.
The reason I am open still, is because his father, military for 30-40 years, is one of the most kind, loving, affectionate, sweet men I have ever met and the love he exhibits and communicates for his children, grandchildren, family is so strong! His family is very loving and kind, as is he, so I focus on that instead of our differences....but I guess I question if this will just cause problems down the road!
ok one of us: republican, pro war, pro military, anti health food/organics, very much meat and potatoes type and despises fish (can't be eaten around), ex athlete so looks perfect still and does not work out at all, anti religions (especially muslims), judgmental, hates conflict and does not communicate, pushes opinions/tastes/preferences on other one, spontaneous/procrastinator
the other one: libertarian, anti war, limited military, pro health food/organics, life long TOTAL health nut and does not really eat meat besides fish, total gym rat and loves daily physical activity, accepts all religions and believes in tolerance for all, feels need to be open and tries to communicate but does not really work, does not push personal preferences on other one, planner
both: atheists, kind, respectful, love children and animals, outgoing, very monogamous/committed, love hiking, outdoors, world travelers and domestic road trippers
Hell no. And I know very few nontheists that are anti-Muslims (I mean, wth?). That's like an evangelical/fundamentalist Christian mindset. And pro-war, GOP, and military industrial complex, judgmental in the overly critical sense, and is pushy? Many of these appear so contradictory to each other.
There would be way too many incompatibilities here for me. It definitely wouldn't work. GOP? :shudder:
He is DEF not fundamentalist Christian GOP, that I could never, ever handle. And on second thought, pushy was not accurate, he's not pushy.
I guess my point is, if you just look at how loving and kind someone is, is that not the point? If you have great chemistry and mutual respect/love for each other is that not more important than the details/opinions? Or will all those differences just become problems in the future?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Hell no. And I know very few nontheists that are anti-Muslims (I mean, wth?). That's like an evangelical/fundamentalist Christian mindset. And pro-war, GOP, and military industrial complex, judgmental in the overly critical sense, and is pushy? Many of these appear so contradictory to each other.
There would be way too many incompatibilities here for me. It definitely wouldn't work. GOP? :shudder:
Well it can work, depending on the people. And as for raising children, let them hear and see both parties beliefs, then they can decide what they wanna believe in.
My ex friend says her aunt is religious, and she married a man who was an atheist. But they work well together, and been married for years.
Now, in general, opposites can be good, because you balance out one another. And sometimes being too different can make you pound against and off each other like ping-pong balls. So, you spend more time fighting. That's not healthy.
I always say I want a guy that's my opposite. But not in fundamental beliefs. Just usually the guys I liked tend to be opposite of me in personality.
For example, I am a worrier. So, I wouldn't wanna date a guy that is neurotic. No good for 2 crazy, worried, or high strung people together. But a more calm, and in control, party would be able to calm or reassure the neurotic one, they may even get more calm as time goes on, although still aware. For a small example of balancing out.
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-15-2014 at 09:06 AM..
He is DEF not fundamentalist Christian GOP, that I could never, ever handle. And on second thought, pushy was not accurate, he's not pushy.
I guess my point is, if you just look at how loving and kind someone is, is that not the point? If you have great chemistry and mutual respect/love for each other is that not more important than the details/opinions? Or will all those differences just become problems in the future?
For me, while the emotional connection is necessary, there needs to be a solid foundation built on shared values and worldviews. I could never get serious with anyone with completely antithetical views and positions, especially concerning politics and philosophical issues.
I wouldn't get involved with someone who "wasn't religious" but then aligned with a political platform hellbent on legislating their version of morality. And pro-war and pro-military a la nationalism wouldn't work for me, and I come from a long line of military in my family.
My ex-husband is a former AD Marine, as is my father. My ex, while he was a great Marine, served his years, and loved many aspects of the Corps, was not pro-war, especially not as an atheist. I see the value in having a functioning military, but pro-war? That I associate with a specific ideology, and one steeped heavily in religious and nationalistic dogma.
For me, these things matter, especially when children enter the picture. My ex and I were completely in unison on how to raise the kids, what to expose them to, what values and worldviews we'd like to share with them. Since he and I shared the same ideology on major matters this was a non-issue.
I'm also the type that isn't passive about my views. I don't "let things be as they are." I enjoy intellectual and philosophical discourse, and engage in it regularly. So hot button topics would be discussed, and if a position is presented, I may be inclined to challenge a point or inquire about the reasoning behind it. My ex and I agree on a great many things, but he wasn't much of a communicator, which works for him. However, I'm a compulsive communicator, as in, I don't shy away from it, am not timid about expressing my thoughts or feelings, and sharing information.
When you bring up these hot button issues and he just stares or looks at you and the changes the subject, that's just being passive aggressive. It's like, he wants to say something, but doesn't. I don't "get" being wed or married to a position that one can't or is unable to defend or support. One can discuss matters without being confrontational. My husband and I had a discussion last week about false dichotomies within nontheism and theism. We differed on certain things, but agreed with each other overall. It was completely civil.
Preferring or requiring one's match to share similar ideologies doesn't mean there can't be dissimilarities. My husband and I have many commonalities, and there are some things we differ on, but these are fairly minor. I like some pop music, but he's definitely not into pop. He likes western movies. Apart from a few, they're not my style. Stuff like that. But major things are not something I compromise on.
I'm dating someone who I've realized has very opposite view points than me in many ways. We have some similarities too of course, but I feel he has held many of his views in, or just made assumptions, or expects me to compromise to his side.....Generally I date people who are very similar to me at least when it comes to some fundamental values and beliefs... I try to bring things up but he usually changes the subject, and I wonder if they will be problems in the long run, when it comes to raising kids, and just the future in general.
I believe a balance of both is ideal. Too similar, and they become your kin (brother). Too opposite and you just end up resenting them.
I dated guys who were similar and opposite. Similarity draws people together and so do opposites.
Overall, when you're similar, chances of staying together longer is much easier because there's less butting heads, and your heart just speaks to each other more easily.
There's an attraction to opposites attract but for long-term potential, the more similar the better with a slight balance of differences to maintain that amount of interest. (A little bit of differences can still be intriguing; too much can be annoying).
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