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Happened across this... For what it's worth, I'm in a marriage of 16 years, I'm the wife. I have on occasion done as females are occasionally wont to do, and kvetched and complained about my husband. This is...petty stuff I'm just fussing out loud about, to whomever is around and willing to listen. Unfortunately this gives others the tendency to believe that I am somehow miserable in my relationship, which I'm not. I don't discuss these grievances with my husband because I consider them minor and don't want to be "that wife"...forever nagging over everything.
Well, to the point, I most often hear "you should leave that guy" from other women. It's almost the party line. Divorced ladies tell me it was the best decision they ever made. Women with troubled relationships project their issues on mine. You name it. It only makes me stubbornly dig in my heels, because no WAY am I giving up on my marriage over dumb stuff. But women often give other women that kind of advice.
If a MAN were to give me that advice...sorry, as much as I defend a woman's right to try and have male friends, and I've got many of my own...if a male told me I should leave my husband, unless he's gay, I would immediately suspect him of ulterior motives. I find it sad that your wife doesn't see this, or perhaps she does and she is a little bit open to the idea, herself. (hopefully not)... There is little you can do to get in the way of the friendship without coming off as a controller or manipulator, and it isn't fair to you at all.
So bottom line, having male friends isn't necessarily terrible if a person is rock solid in their relationship and is the type to have friends for other reasons (like mine are fans of a band, on a pool team, and other artists...we share interests.) But for a dude to say something like that to a woman...that's not cool.
Honestly, this isn't the place for you to be airing these personal problems. Get your Mrs. to agree to some marriage counseling so the two of you can straighten out these issues. And, FWIW, you talking about these issues here is the same as her talking about the issues with her male pal. You need mediation, and counseling is the best route.
Thanks everyone for the advice and I would like to clear up a few things. This guy doesn't just come out and say leave him but he does say stuff like. I wouldn't EVER put up with that EVER and I don't know how you do it. This is an example of a returned text from him and yes ever is in all caps in text. I will also say her having male friends isn't exactly something just like but I do try to understand. Social guy friends that talk about just random bs is cool but stay clear of the relationship area that's pushing it. And to clarify one more thing I do try and talk to her she clams up and shuts her emotions in but releases them all to her friends female and this one male
Talking on here to someone on an electronic device that's 1000 miles away is nothing like meeting up and texting another man sorry friend you're way off. Im on here for advice to help relationship I don't know if you're a dude or a gal
I started a similar thread a few weeks back about this same issue. I too think they need to work things out among themselves or talk to a counselor. I would resent it if I were married and my husband shared our personal info with his friends or other family member. It's just not a good idea.
Last edited by diddlydudette; 06-16-2014 at 06:01 PM..
Relationships are made up of "two" people, and there is always "many sides" to the realities within a couples relationship.
When people get in relations, they are responsible for themselves to work with it and maintain it. There are no fairy tale fantasy, it's about two people "learning" how to live with and share with each other, as well as "learning" to realize it is not just about them, it is about the person they are with as well. It's took 'both to start it, and it takes both to make it work.
No one is going to like everything about the other, because as people, there are many things people have to learn to like about themselves. Therefore common logic would indicate, that people have to invest in learning each other, and life is always about "learning and adjustments". No one is going to be a puppet for the other, but people can learn to share respectfully and appreciatively and build an enduring relationship.
Thanks everyone for the advice and I would like to clear up a few things. This guy doesn't just come out and say leave him but he does say stuff like. I wouldn't EVER put up with that EVER and I don't know how you do it. This is an example of a returned text from him and yes ever is in all caps in text. I will also say her having male friends isn't exactly something just like but I do try to understand. Social guy friends that talk about just random bs is cool but stay clear of the relationship area that's pushing it. And to clarify one more thing I do try and talk to her she clams up and shuts her emotions in but releases them all to her friends female and this one male
I think you need to work on the approach. Be more spontaneous, women hate boring. I really think this will pass, don't let it bother you.
Talking on here to someone on an electronic device that's 1000 miles away is nothing like meeting up and texting another man sorry friend you're way off. Im on here for advice to help relationship I don't know if you're a dude or a gal
Sorry, I don't see it that way. You're both asking for help from people who shouldn't be involved....whether they're on an "electronic device" or in person. So no, I'm not "way off." And whether I'm a "dude or a gal" doesn't make any difference.
I too think they need to work things out among themselves or talk to a counselor. I would resent it if I were married and my husband shared our personal info with his friends or other family member. It's just not a good idea.
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