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I've been married to my wife for five years and we have recently had a beautiful girl. My wife didn't want to give up her career so I agreed to stay home and become a house husband. When we visited my brother's house. I was mocked by my 23 year old nephew who called me Mr. Mom and asked me if my wife uses a strap on during sex. My wife was dying in laughter. My nephew has a very traditional sense of masculinity and is macho. He is also poised to inherit my brother's business and make more money than my wife who's an attorney. My wife seemed very into him engaging him about his social life and twirling her hair when he talked to her. I thought hypergamy was dead but i think I was mistaken. My wife said that she could never be with a non feminist guy but now she's attracted to the most chauvinistic guy around. What should I do?
Well, first, you should have stood up for yourself and fixed your nephews little red wagon.
Second, you should have given your wife a look of disappointment.
OP, worry about your wife. Who cares if your 23 year old nephew doesn't respect you? Are you married to him? A lot of people are giving advice on dealing with him but he doesn't matter. Your wife does.
True, it's about his wife but how he deals with the nephew (and others) may play a big part in whether or not his wife respects him as a man. He can talk to his wife but she's probably going to judge him more by his actions than his words.
True, it's about his wife but how he deals with the nephew (and others) may play a big part in whether or not his wife respects him as a man. He can talk to his wife but she's probably going to judge him more by his actions than his words.
Which is exactly why I also encouraged him to work on improving himself. My post was full of such content. But the focus should be on resolving the issue with his wife, not "putting his nephew in his place." A lot of women just roll their eyes at that sort of male machismo.
Which is exactly why I also encouraged him to work on improving himself. My post was full of such content. But the focus should be on resolving the issue with his wife, not "putting his nephew in his place." A lot of women just roll their eyes at that sort of male machismo.
Just to be clear, I'm not saying that putting the nephew in his place should entail throwing a beer can in his face or shoving him into a wall. Yeah, that would just make him look like a jerk. You can "deal" with someone like that better by projecting confidence and self-respect. Perhaps a witty comeback or maybe just laughing along with them and showing that it doesn't bother you. Whining and crying about being disrespected and made fun of just makes you look weak and encourages more of it.
Just to be clear, I'm not saying that putting the nephew in his place should entail throwing a beer can in his face or shoving him into a wall. Yeah, that would just make him look like a jerk. You can "deal" with someone like that better by projecting confidence and self-respect. Perhaps a witty comeback or maybe just laughing along with them and showing that it doesn't bother you. Whining and crying about being disrespected and made fun of just makes you look weak and encourages more of it.
I think we are on the same page, then. But from the sound of it, OP's wife is a childish and immature person who may have taken the nephew's side had OP had a witty comeback. Another problem with witty comebacks is they often backfire. As the saying goes, "Don't argue with idiots. They drag you to their level and beat you with experience." Judging by our very limited knowledge of OP, a witty comeback may have resulted in an even greater humiliation. And "laughing it off" may have shown the nephew it doesn't bother him, but in the context of this incident it may not have helped anything with the wife because she can interpret that as a sign of a lack of self respect (which I think we can all agree is true of OP anyway), lack of confidence (again, something that is likely true of OP) or some other waving of the white flag.
This is why I favor the direct and assertive approach with the wife. Something along the lines of, "I know you thought that was funny, but I consider it a major breech of marital etiquette and a borderline breech of trust. It is hurtful and damaging to our relationship and if we are in this for the long haul as we should be, I think it's fair to expect you to respect me and our relationship as a whole more than what you displayed today."
This should not be said in anger, should not be delivered in a manner that could be misconstrued as "threatening,", nor from a tone of whiney weakness, but in a matter-of-fact, almost business-like tone. OP mentioned his wife is an attorney, so she should be able to appreciate professionalism even in a personal matter. If she is unable to do so, OP and his marriage are in really bad shape.
Which is exactly why I also encouraged him to work on improving himself. My post was full of such content. But the focus should be on resolving the issue with his wife, not "putting his nephew in his place." A lot of women just roll their eyes at that sort of male machismo.
Putting that kid in his place isn't for the wife, its for himself.
Putting that kid in his place isn't for the wife, its for himself.
I agree with this, but I wonder what it would have accomplished. Being "above the fray" is also for oneself. For example, if someone were to openly challenge my masculinity in front of my wife, odds are I would simply ignore him. I have a pretty high threshold for actually responding to people like that. Does that make me less of a man? I don't think so. It just mean I prefer to not waste my time with stupid people.
OP's situation is a little different. He rolled over and took it. He did not respond not out of a position of confidence, but out of not knowing how to handle the situation. It's okay to not know how to handle something like that, I suppose. But I do think he should have taken a stand somewhere, such as stating he isn't going to put up with [nephew's] idiocy and left his brother's home.
Again, I maintain if he corrects the rift between he and his wife that other stuff falls into place. I derive a lot of confidence knowing I have the support of my wife. Confidence in things that don't even involve her. You cannot underestimate how powerful a woman standing with you can be. If OP's wife had stood with him we would not even be having this discussion.
I've been married to my wife for five years and we have recently had a beautiful girl. My wife didn't want to give up her career so I agreed to stay home and become a house husband. When we visited my brother's house. I was mocked by my 23 year old nephew who called me Mr. Mom and asked me if my wife uses a strap on during sex. My wife was dying in laughter. My nephew has a very traditional sense of masculinity and is macho. He is also poised to inherit my brother's business and make more money than my wife who's an attorney. My wife seemed very into him engaging him about his social life and twirling her hair when he talked to her. I thought hypergamy was dead but i think I was mistaken. My wife said that she could never be with a non feminist guy but now she's attracted to the most chauvinistic guy around. What should I do?
You know...... umm uhhh
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