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You're considering a divorce, over what? It's not clear.
a) Because she's not happy living where you live and work?
b) Because she's not contributing financially, not even bothering to apply for unemployment? And is generally uncooperative?
c) She seems to want to leave, for no particular reason except that she's homesick?
None of those seem to be reasons for divorce, except maybe the last one. Does she regret getting married? Does she regret moving out of state? I don't understand her mindset.
Get the unemployment. Work out a plan with her for her to brush up her resume and look for work. While she's home unemployed, she can take a community college class to sharpen whatever her work/career skills are. These problems are easy to fix IF she's willing to cooperate, which it doesn't seem she is.
It seems to me she's looking for an excuse to leave you and go home, and she'll use anything as an excuse. I can't help wondering if she's deliberately trying to provoke a crisis, in order to justify a divorce so she can go home. You may need to find some affordable marriage counseling.
Is love involved? Does she love you? From here, it doesn't sound like it. Feel free to provide additional information.
P.S. If she asks again if you want her to leave, tell her you don't quit that easily, and these aren't big problems. They're simple to fix, but she has to be on board. Ask her if she's on board.
OP, see if you can reorganize your utility bills so you can keep the internet. If you have internet and cable together, close that account, and see if you can get internet through your phone company instead. Cut back on your phone services, if possible, and just keep basic phone and internet.
You can save money by turning the heat down on your water heater. You can keep it on low, and just turn it up 1/2 hr. before you shower, then turn it back down again. That will save you $50 - $70/month. You'd be surprised.
My wife and I are married 5 years, been together 7 years.
She moved here from another state, and her 1st husband, who was very abusive. Anyway, she complains constantly about how "it's too expensive here" and "we need to move". I just transferred to an office 15 min. from home, been living here just about my entire life. Meanwhile, as I said, she is from another state, and thinks that we could find someplace cheaper to live. The only "cheaper" areas are the drug-and gang-infested (high crime) towns. We live in a great suburban community; I don't mind paying more for "peace of mind". She's been out of work nearly 3 months now, and I had to get on her about filing for unemployment. Finally, she did file and I kept telling her that I can't carry us both with all the bills. Rent's past due, and I'm paying it, but now we're about to lose our cable and internet. Why? Because (and I told her repeatedly) we CAN'T AFFORD IT NOW! (Forgive my caps). She just thinks so differently in terms of finances; I've always monitored what $ comes in, what goes out. Just tonight we fought and she outright asked, "Do you want I should just go home?" (Back to her home state). I hate to admit it, but I'm seriously considering sending her back home and getting a divorce. But my concern is how much this will hurt her. I just don't want her devastated.
Sadly, all of that should have been sorted before you got married.
You're considering a divorce, over what? It's not clear.
a) Because she's not happy living where you live and work?
b) Because she's not contributing financially, not even bothering to apply for unemployment? And is generally uncooperative?
c) She seems to want to leave, for no particular reason except that she's homesick?
None of those seem to be reasons for divorce, except maybe the last one. Does she regret getting married? Does she regret moving out of state? I don't understand her mindset.
Get the unemployment. Work out a plan with her for her to brush up her resume and look for work. While she's home unemployed, she can take a community college class to sharpen whatever her work/career skills are. These problems are easy to fix IF she's willing to cooperate, which it doesn't seem she is.
It seems to me she's looking for an excuse to leave you and go home, and she'll use anything as an excuse. I can't help wondering if she's deliberately trying to provoke a crisis, in order to justify a divorce so she can go home. You may need to find some affordable marriage counseling.
Is love involved? Does she love you? From here, it doesn't sound like it. Feel free to provide additional information.
P.S. If she asks again if you want her to leave, tell her you don't quit that easily, and these aren't big problems. They're simple to fix, but she has to be on board. Ask her if she's on board.
"B" isn't a reason to seek a divorce? Seems pretty selfish to me. I would wonder what's next. It's one thing if this is just a rut but if this is the personality this guy is dealing with he may be better off being a happily single man especially if there aren't any kids in the picture.
My wife and I are married 5 years, been together 7 years.
She moved here from another state, and her 1st husband, who was very abusive. Anyway, she complains constantly about how "it's too expensive here" and "we need to move". I just transferred to an office 15 min. from home, been living here just about my entire life. Meanwhile, as I said, she is from another state, and thinks that we could find someplace cheaper to live. The only "cheaper" areas are the drug-and gang-infested (high crime) towns. We live in a great suburban community; I don't mind paying more for "peace of mind". She's been out of work nearly 3 months now, and I had to get on her about filing for unemployment. Finally, she did file and I kept telling her that I can't carry us both with all the bills. Rent's past due, and I'm paying it, but now we're about to lose our cable and internet. Why? Because (and I told her repeatedly) we CAN'T AFFORD IT NOW! (Forgive my caps). She just thinks so differently in terms of finances; I've always monitored what $ comes in, what goes out. Just tonight we fought and she outright asked, "Do you want I should just go home?" (Back to her home state). I hate to admit it, but I'm seriously considering sending her back home and getting a divorce. But my concern is how much this will hurt her. I just don't want her devastated.
Then do it. It'll probably be better for both of you that way.
It's expensive to move. You probably can't afford to. Divorce is also expensive. So you're stuck.
Your wife needs to keep doing the unemployment thing weekly AND take advantage of the Department of Labor's job finding services. The trick is for her to make a meaningful connection with one of their job counsellors and do what they say to do.
And/or she needs to get any kind of dumb job she can find to help pay rent. You could ask for a raise at work...
She is unhappy about relocation and you are expecting her to just get over it. You want to her to listen to you, but you don't hear her either. Her ideas are shot down by you. She is probably planning to leave you which is why she isn't seeking employment where you are. It is clear to her, as it is to me, that you are not interested in her unhappiness over location. Your way or the highway.
If that is your approach to marriage and will not compromise to find a solution that makes you both happy, then don't remarry.
We are relocating in 3 weeks to a mutually agreed location because neither of us liked each others home cities. It is a lot of work and careers aren't thriving, but that's part of a happy marriage - keeping each other happy as a priority.
I apologize if I sounded out to anyone, but in reading the responses here, it was asked if I spoke AT her, rather than TO her. I did not think I did, but in many cases when she throws out an idea, or potential solutions, I more than likely know the outcome. And I try to say, "That won't work in this case, because..." I'm NOT claiming to be Mr. Know-it-All, but I always look at the pros and cons. I'm a firm believer in moving forward, and I'm very tough on myself- way tougher than I am on others. I just feel that my partner should be willing to move forward with me, not stagnate!
Yes, I suspect she is planning to leave. Move forward on your terms, not joint life decisions.
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