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Old 06-21-2014, 05:17 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,136,977 times
Reputation: 27236

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Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
They are looking for someone to take care of them.

Fast forward 5 years...

You are trying to cook, clean, feed and bathe 2 kids while he is sitting on the couch.

I think you know what to do.

Yep, looking for a 'nurse' with a 'purse'.
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Old 06-21-2014, 07:33 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
Collecting money from the government when you're able to work is wrong, wrong, wrong! There is no way I could ever date, much less consider marriage with someone who thinks that way of life is okay.

I don't need a guy who works nonstop and is focused on making money, but I do want a guy who makes his money and supports himself honestly. You're young and you have your whole life ahead of yourself. Please don't attach yourself to this guy for life.
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Old 06-21-2014, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
17,619 posts, read 22,575,993 times
Reputation: 14350
Eventually our government will find out what he is doing. When they do, he will be in BIG Trouble.
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Old 06-21-2014, 08:07 AM
 
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,253 posts, read 4,299,481 times
Reputation: 13451
I'm sorry OP, but the obvious answer to your problem is that you need to move on. Trust me, there are loving people that are emotionally available that also have career ambition and similar goals to you. At the very least, if a family life in the future is important to you then you are absolutely with the wrong guy. It's OK to want it all or at least the big things.
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Old 06-21-2014, 09:50 AM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,792,699 times
Reputation: 11124
Dating is a time where you get to know a person to make an informed decision based on your set of values, wants, and non-wants. I see all of these not in line with your own.

Now, tell us why, after knowing all of this, you find him attractive enough to want to marry him?

You're too young to saddle yourself with this. Say buh-bye. Unless you'd be happy to have a househusband (nothing wrong with that).
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Old 06-21-2014, 10:06 AM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,136,977 times
Reputation: 27236
What do you WANT to do?
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Old 06-21-2014, 10:14 AM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,187 posts, read 5,150,869 times
Reputation: 4999
There are situations that are salvageable through compromise, communication and hard work. Then there are situations from which you need to run like Usain Bolt. Your situation is definitely the latter.
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Old 06-21-2014, 10:16 AM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,351,299 times
Reputation: 9636
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
He's so great except _insert glaring fault_.

So then he is not great.

Move on.
Yep. You can choose to express your feelings, and then make your choice. You can't change him. He has to make the decision himself. If you don't agree with his methods of employment or lack of drive and ambition, only you can change that by removing yourself from the equation.
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Old 06-21-2014, 11:12 AM
 
38 posts, read 35,816 times
Reputation: 56
Pass on this guy before your life is ruined. Next.
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Old 06-27-2014, 05:06 AM
 
Location: CA
478 posts, read 430,189 times
Reputation: 781
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buttercream View Post
But if you read where he's getting his bills and rent paid, you'd see why I'm concerned.
He gets them paid by benefit allowance money from filing unemployment due to illness- even though he's fine, and from low income housing even though he has a job and the government thinks he doesn't. His job is a concession worker and it's not permanent because it's reliant on the venue, of which the venue isn't going to be there forever
I don't mean to be rude, but it's not really up to you to say if he is "fine" or not. You're not the one who's ill. Sounds like to me you have an issue with his lifestyle, his means of support. If so, you must decide what you wanna live with... Can you let it go? I mean, if it goes that much "against your morals" I don't see how you could easily do that. Don't make it all about him. He's fine with his way of living. He's making ends meet to his satisfaction. That's his business. Can you get fine with it? It's okay if you can. It's okay if you can't. You have to do what's right for you before you can get right with anyone else... you know? You have to figure out what works for you, and—pardon the cheesy expression—and, then don't be afraid to "own" it.
Good luck.
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