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Not exactly. You're still stuck hearing "ONS is better than communication"...and nobody is saying that. It's supplementary.
Put it this way: You have one person that knows their lover inside and out. You have another that has been with tons of people and had lots of experience. And you have a third who has had a mixture of both. All other things being equal, the third one will be the better lover IN GENERAL. The first one will be a better lover with their only partner, but that's not what I'm talking about.
No, I just disagree with you. I don't think it makes a difference whether someone has had, say, 1 or 3 or 10 or 100 lovers (or what the mix of ONS or LTR is) because IMO being a good lover is not simply about the most basic act of riding the bike and knowing the parts. There is no number formula for it. Being a giving, sensual, responsive, unselfish person is a core to one's personality regardless of #/type of sexual experiences, and THAT is what makes a good lover.
Personally, I find the whole polygamous/polyandrous/polyamarous/poly-bs thing to be repulsive in too many ways to count. Freely sharing bodily fluids among a bunch of people is disgusting. It's like sitting daily on the toilet seat of a bad gas station. And I haven't even mentioned the emotional toll it takes behind all those superficial attempts to convince everyone they're happy.
Last edited by Saritaschihuahua; 06-23-2014 at 02:47 PM..
And the idea that because I'm a random person, I can't give my opinion (particularly on an internet forum designed for just that) unless of course it's in agreement with the majority, boggles mine.
Fallacious. I never said you couldn't or shouldn't express your opinion. You're free to give your opinion, just as others are also free to state said opinion is erroneous. Just because one disagrees with an opinion doesn't mean they believe you shouldn't express it. You can express whatever you so please as long as it complies with C-D's ToS, and others are free to challenge and counter whatever points or positions you present to the table.
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"Have a say"... I'm not trying to enforce anything here! I'm not suggesting that we make something illegal. But I have a say inasmuch as I have a freedom of speech. That freedom is for people who may say something you don't like, you know...
Please see the above. I never said or argued that you can't express your opinion. I simply challenged it. I stated it's erroneous, because to me, it undoubtedly is. There's a difference between countering a position and asserting one mustn't express a position.
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Sometimes the random person is right, believe it or not.
Right about what grown people choose to do so long as it abides by the basic golden or silver rule? If it's consensual and ethical then another individual's view on rightness for others isn't "right," especially when said random person is not part of the equation.
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How can you be sure it's always going to be "no one's"? Do you apply that reasoning to everything?
In the context of dating, where there are many backgrounds, variables, worldviews, ideas, biases, misconceptions, etc., it would seem unwise for me to presume to know what's best for other people without first knowing that person, what they seek, who they are, what their worldview is. Said person may not share my views or methods for finding a match. They may have another method that works or worked well for them. In that case, I remain neutral and indifferent because it doesn't concern me.
If a friend wants to wait three to four months before having sex with the guy she seeing, good for her. That was not a choice I ever made. If another friend decides to have sex on the first date with a guy she's really into, more power to her. If she'd rather pursue multiple interests at once, fine.
In the context of dating and relationships, if it is consensual and ethical and all of the parties involved are forthright about their intentions, I don't see the issue. If that means having multiple companions at the same time or getting involved in the swinging community, so be it. These may not be choices I make, but since I am not the one involved I don't have any say in what goes on.
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Is there nothing you stand for?
Do you have a knack for logical fallacies? What does this question have to do with the topic at hand? We have a situation of you believing your "practical" view of dating and sexual relations is more sensible than what other people decide is right for them. You assert your view is more "right," but others are simply telling you it is only "right" for you, not others. Only you can make decisions that involve you, and other people make decisions that involve them.
If someone told me I shouldn't have sex before the sixth date I'd think they're flat out erroneous because what I choose to do is my own damn business. Now, he/she can wait six or however many dates. I couldn't care less.
When one thinks they know what's best or more sensible for other people, outside the golden or silver rule, that's when there's a problem.
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Surely you'd throw the book at a child molester, random and unaffected by it all as you may be...
What does a convicted criminal have to do with the topic of dating and sexual encounters between consenting adults? Please explain. Oh, wait, not a damn thing. Gotta love a red herring.
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That call itself is quite subjective.
No. It's called you have no basis for your argument and have a difficult time attempting to support it and instead resort to the use of logical fallacies.
No, I just disagree with you. I don't think it makes a difference whether someone has had, say, 1 or 3 or 10 or 100 lovers (or what the mix of ONS or LTR is) because IMO being a good lover is not simply about the most basic act of riding the bike and knowing the parts. There is no number formula for it. Being a giving, sensual, responsive, unselfish person is a core to one's personality regardless of #/type of sexual experiences, and THAT is what makes a good lover.
You really believe there's no benefit to anyone else's input? That there is nothing to be learned from an additional lover? You're certainly welcome to disagree, but that boggles my mind.
Fallacious. I never said you couldn't or shouldn't express your opinion. You're free to give your opinion, just as others are also free to state said opinion is erroneous. Just because one disagrees with an opinion doesn't mean they believe you shouldn't express it. You can express whatever you so please as long as it complies with C-D's ToS, and others are free to challenge and counter whatever points or positions you present to the table.
Very well. Stop talking as if my being a "random person" makes one bit of difference.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Please see the above. I never said or argued that you can't express your opinion. I simply challenged it. I stated it's erroneous, because to me, it undoubtedly is.
What part is erroneous?
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
If it's consensual and ethical then another individual's view on rightness for others isn't "right," especially when said random person is not part of the equation.
The random person not being part of the equation, makes no difference in the rightness or wrongness of their judgment.
Skipping ahead, running out of time.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
What does a convicted criminal have to do with the topic of dating and sexual encounters between consenting adults? Please explain. Oh, wait, not a damn thing. Gotta love a red herring.
I more or less spelled it out for you. How you are affiliated with or affected by those involved, is not the be all and end all of a discussion of right and wrong (not that I made such a judgment in the first place).
And yes, your decision that it makes any difference whatsoever is also subjective. Don't be a hypocrite.
Very well. Stop talking as if my being a "random person" makes one bit of difference.
Another individual's "moral" code has no bearing on what I do. Be it my father, mother, uncle, cousin, friend or a random person on the street. Their views are right for them. That doesn't mean they're right for me.
To simplify, your view that other people possessing a high number of sexual companions is "bad" (or whatever negative value judgment you wish to use) and they should instead focus on fornicating only in committed relationships, is sanctimonious and flawed. But if you wish to define "right" and "wrong" for not only yourself and other people, you may want to present a concept of morality by which we should judge rightness and wrongness.
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What part is erroneous?
All of it.
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The random person not being part of the equation, makes no difference in the rightness or wrongness of their judgment.
Yes it does. Your right is right for you. Your right is not right for everyone else. In the context of this topic, dating and sexual partners, if you're not engaging with said people it ain't your damn business.
Only pious individuals make claim to some [nonexistent] absolute truth that should apply to all people.
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I more or less spelled it out for you. How you are affiliated with or affected by those involved, is not the be all and end all of a discussion of right and wrong (not that I made such a judgment in the first place).
You can spell "it" out, but your argument still does not hold water. You are not the individual who determines what is right or wrong for other people. If they are not breaking the law and the arrangement between the parties involved is consensual, it is not "wrong." If you argue otherwise, whether morality is relative, universal, subjective, etc., that is a separate topic entirely.
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And yes, your decision that it makes any difference whatsoever is also subjective. Don't be a hypocrite.
Negative. I recognize that moral and ethical codes are subjective. Everyone has their own idea or view on what is right or wrong, and I believe it is up to each individual to decide for himself what that is, and how he lives in accordance to his moral compass.
*Context is key. I am speaking of choices and decisions that do not break the law or cause harm to others. As in, the golden or silver rule, whichever one applies.*
Haven't read each and every post. Some are so silly. It doesn't matter if a man has had sex with 2000 women, it won't make him a better lover if he didn't learn anything along the way. I had no experience the first time I married and my husband didn't have a lot, but we learned together to some extent. After he died and I remarried, he knew more, but he also didn't want me to tell him anything new or different. After we divorced, I was fortunate to have a longtime lover who was far more skilled than anyone before, so I know what an outstandingly good lover really is. I used to tell him he would be rich beyond any amount if he could have a school to teach men the art of love making.
If a man has a low opinion of women, I wonder if he can be a top-of-the-line lover? I really don't think so, but could be wrong.
I remember in high school there were always a few girls that had a reputation for having sex with all the guys, they were the ones that usually started dating in middle school and by the time high school was over they like veterans, very experienced.
a hispanic friend from hs use to brag he has been with at least 30 - 40 girls, but I think he was lying, he ended up getting a girl pregnant and had wedding plans right after high school and has been married at least 3 - 4 times
there was also a filipino girl that had a reputation for having sex with every guy she dates, even a few of my friends bragged they had been with her, she was a Nymphomaniac.
Another individual's "moral" code has no bearing on what I do. Be it my father, mother, uncle, cousin, friend or a random person on the street. Their views are right for them. That doesn't mean they're right for me.
It doesn't mean they're not, either.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
To simplify, your view that other people possessing a high number of sexual companions is "bad" (or whatever negative value judgment you wish to use) and they should instead focus on fornicating only in committed relationships, is sanctimonious and flawed. But if you wish to define "right" and "wrong" for not only yourself and other people, you may want to present a concept of morality by which we should judge rightness and wrongness.
I'm saying it's too many, not "wrong" or "bad". Just too many, because the person is taking certain risks with every sexual encounter, both physical and emotional/psychological, just to end yet another relationship and do it all again.
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Yes it does. Your right is right for you. Your right is not right for everyone else. In the context of this topic, dating and sexual partners, if you're not engaging with said people it ain't your damn business.
The underlined is subjective as well, and entirely made up out of thin air. You just don't happen to agree with what I'm saying, and therefore it isn't my business. Let someone give another person advice they either agree with or take and find helpful, and then magically - voila! Their business all the way
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
You can spell "it" out, but your argument still does not hold water. You are not the individual who determines what is right or wrong for other people.
So, was that a "I believe child molestation is wrong because it's against the law"? Because if so... that's awful!
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
*Context is key. I am speaking of choices and decisions that do not break the law or cause harm to others. As in, the golden or silver rule, whichever one applies.*
Well who said that's the best standard? The first is appeal to authority, and the other, I take it you are assuming what two consenting adults do behind closed doors cannot possibly affect others? Is that counting indirectly?
Very well. Stop talking as if my being a "random person" makes one bit of difference.
It makes every bit of difference when it comes to your say in imposing your outdated sexual beliefs on other consenting adults. (Hint: You have no say. Zero.) I see you're still working on accepting that several hours later. You'll get it some day-- I believe in you.
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