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Something as important as waiting to have sex until married should have been mentioned during the early dating stages. You just can't pull out that card down the road.
Well certainly! But you can't claim to really love someone, then drop them like a hot potatoe if they don't want to have sex with you - that's not love.
I have a good friend who married in her 40's. She told me before the wedding her groom insisted they wait for sex until they were married. I thought that was more than a bit odd but she insisted it was because his religious beliefs were quite strong on the subject of sex before marriage. I asked her if he seemed 'normal' and she said he was. I told her I had serious reservations about any adult who didn't want to try it before you buy it. I think she really did have doubts too.
Fast forward a couple years and my friend is stuck in a sexless marriage. I think they have had sex once. He is kind and gentlemanly. He just has no interest in sex at all. My friend is very unhappy. Her 'husband' is interested in religion and working out. He works, runs marathons, exercises, and goes to church. He does take her out on dates now and then. Usually plays or out to dinner.
I see how unhappy my friend is and honestly, I think a grown person who doesn't want to have sex is hiding something. Something you have a right to know before you marry that individual. It's a huge red flag...banner sized, even. It looks to me like he with-holds sex and affection to control her. But I also believe he is gay but he is so religious he refuses to admit it to himself.
I have a good friend who married in her 40's. She told me before the wedding her groom insisted they wait for sex until they were married. I thought that was more than a bit odd but she insisted it was because his religious beliefs were quite strong on the subject of sex before marriage. I asked her if he seemed 'normal' and she said he was. I told her I had serious reservations about any adult who didn't want to try it before you buy it. I think she really did have doubts too.
Fast forward a couple years and my friend is stuck in a sexless marriage. I think they have had sex once. He is kind and gentlemanly. He just has no interest in sex at all. My friend is very unhappy. Her 'husband' is interested in religion and working out. He works, runs marathons, exercises, and goes to church. He does take her out on dates now and then. Usually plays or out to dinner.
I see how unhappy my friend is and honestly, I think a grown person who doesn't want to have sex is hiding something. Something you have a right to know before you marry that individual. It's a huge red flag...banner sized, even. It looks to me like he with-holds sex and affection to control her. But I also believe he is gay but he is so religious he refuses to admit it to himself.
See, this is just so wrong. He basically defrauded her
I think she should get into some counseling to renegotiate some things or just consider walking away altogether.
Well certainly! But you can't claim to really love someone, then drop them like a hot potatoe if they don't want to have sex with you - that's not love.
You can also negotiate the right to have a sexual partner on the side if your spouse is unwilling to perform. (not that I'm advocating that, just saying it could happen)
Just saying she got tricked into this marriage and has the right to try to work out a better situation for herself.
I have a good friend who married in her 40's. She told me before the wedding her groom insisted they wait for sex until they were married. I thought that was more than a bit odd but she insisted it was because his religious beliefs were quite strong on the subject of sex before marriage. I asked her if he seemed 'normal' and she said he was. I told her I had serious reservations about any adult who didn't want to try it before you buy it. I think she really did have doubts too.
Fast forward a couple years and my friend is stuck in a sexless marriage. I think they have had sex once. He is kind and gentlemanly. He just has no interest in sex at all. My friend is very unhappy. Her 'husband' is interested in religion and working out. He works, runs marathons, exercises, and goes to church. He does take her out on dates now and then. Usually plays or out to dinner.
I see how unhappy my friend is and honestly, I think a grown person who doesn't want to have sex is hiding something. Something you have a right to know before you marry that individual. It's a huge red flag...banner sized, even. It looks to me like he with-holds sex and affection to control her. But I also believe he is gay but he is so religious he refuses to admit it to himself.
So do you believe that in life if someone doesn't have sex before he/she is married, he/she has a problem with sex that will eventually show up after he/she is married? Or do you think this is one instance and not a pattern?
That is definitely NOT one instance. I know many who have experienced this, and often those coming from very religious backgrounds.
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