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Because I refused to settle. I want marriage but didn't want to marry the wrong person just to be married. I know people who did and either divorced or are miserable. The only problem of course is as one ages the chances of finding the one slim but why rush into it? I had chances to marry but knew they weren't the one.
Yes I have been asked about why I am not married. I am in my 30's I am handicapped so I get asked dumb questions all the time. Can you have sex? Will your kids be handicapped? The next time a girl ask me about sex I am going to say is it an offer? I think when they ask about me about having no girlfriend or wife it is out of pity. Not being married or in a relationship is not a conscious choice. People tell me your such a nice guy and handsome you will find someone. I can not even get a date so marriage is out. I have had women tell me. I can not believe no one has snapped you up. But they are just being nice. I only fell in love once with a friend. She did not love me married another guy. When you a handicapped guy opening up is something you do not do. The risk is simply too great for a number of reasons. My chances of marrying are very slim. People do not realize how few handicapped people even date. Getting married is so very rare. Now being older I put my odds at less then 5%. I was once on a train an older woman asked why are you not married? You do not want to get married? When your handicapped people feel it is ok to ask anything. But she said it in mean tone. So I told her I feel in love once it did not work out. At this point I have made peace with being alone.
I've always found it to be a wildly ignorant question.
Ditto. I also find that I'm almost never asked this ever since I moved to an urban area where people are a little more progressive and used to encountering people with a diversity of lifestyles. I was asked this question more in suburbs and small towns, and especially in the Bible Belt where they start asking it of people in their mid-to-late-20's! (I'm not joking.)
There was a related thread on here when the person asked whether you would be less likely to date someone if they were over 40 and had never been married. Quite a number of responders said yes. The thinking is that if you haven't been married by now, there's probably something wrong with you and that no one wanted you. I've learned to ignore the people who think that. But what does bother me is when people presume I'll eventually come around and change my mind about marriage. It's similar to how people treat you when you say you don't want kids. They tell you that you'll change your mind about that too. There's this mistaken belief these people have that everyone is headed towards the same goal, married with children. They can't fathom why anyone wouldn't that life. My personal favorite is "aren't you afraid of dying alone?" I have to remind these people that when you die, you don't get to take these people with you. So why does it matter if you're on your deathbed surrounded by a spouse and kids?
There was a related thread on here when the person asked whether you would be less likely to date someone if they were over 40 and had never been married. Quite a number of responders said yes. The thinking is that if you haven't been married by now, there's probably something wrong with you and that no one wanted you. I've learned to ignore the people who think that. But what does bother me is when people presume I'll eventually come around and change my mind about marriage. It's similar to how people treat you when you say you don't want kids. They tell you that you'll change your mind about that too. There's this mistaken belief these people have that everyone is headed towards the same goal, married with children. They can't fathom why anyone wouldn't that life. My personal favorite is "aren't you afraid of dying alone?" I have to remind these people that when you die, you don't get to take these people with you. So why does it matter if you're on your deathbed surrounded by a spouse and kids?
The only thing that bothers me about it is that people expect you to have done some of everything by a certain. Particularly a first kiss and sex. And some people will think less of you if you have no experience.
I do eventually want experience what is like but I'm not in a rush. I would hate to do something I'll just regret later. I honestly, kind of wish I was one of those people who didn't care about being with someone else and didn't have any want for any kind of connection. It just seems that would be so much easier, but I have this sinking feeling I will regret that too. I guess because I have never had it.
I just want to get to the point where I don't worry about it. I really just want to be all focused on loving myself and getting myself together for the future because I have A LOT of things I need to work on myself as a person. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to have a family nor is there anything wrong with wanting to be alone. I just believe I would want to see what a relationship feels like before I completely shut the idea down. But what worries me is that people get caught up in these ridiculous ideals and beliefs one what make a relationship work when I have never even considered an idea of approaching dating that way and maybe I am just doing it wrong.
It's honestly just a big confusing mess and after thinking about it so much, it can become very depressing and almost disabling if it really gets to you.
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