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People did it for years and still do it. It works for some people and not for others.
I also think sex does get better between two people who are 'connected' a bit deeper in other ways.
Sex also gets better with time and communication - talking about what you want over a period of time. So, sex can get better with two people, but if you are totally disconnected in every other aspect it's probably not going to be good. People feel safer expressing their wants and desires in a 'safe' environment, meaning they can expose themselves with their wants and needs without the fear of the other person bailing. Just my take on it.
Yeah I never understood this I have to hurry up and sleep with this person to find out if we're compatible, I can teach a woman to have sex the way I want her to. I'd be more worried about compatibility as far as morals, faith, children, health.
Why on earth do you think anyone would make a commitment to you without first finding out if you and they were sexually compatible? Why on earth would would you make a commitment to someone else without first finding out the same thing?
First of all, I think you're confusing being exclusive to being married. I wait until we are in an exclusive relationship, for the protection of my own heart, and after many years of not waiting long enough and regretting it. My last bf waited about a month. You're not swearing to be with the person forever, you're simply saying "this is worth giving it a shot to see where it goes" and that "neither of us will date anyone else while we are exploring a possible relationship".
Second, I can tell and I would think most people can tell if we're going to be sexually compatible just by making out, foreplay, etc. The guys I am most compatible with sexually are good kissers, passionate and not in the least self-conscious, perceptive and able to tell what I like and don't and adjust. All those traits were clearly seen in me and my ex when we were in the "making out" stage.
I can easily tell if a guy's not going to be compatible just by how they kiss and make out.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
Why on earth do you think anyone would make a commitment to you without first finding out if you and they were sexually compatible? Why on earth would would you make a commitment to someone else without first finding out the same thing?
I never agree with you but I do here. If you want me to be in a exclusive relationship with you where I'm expected to share everything, I think sex is one thing that has to be shared before I'm willing to be bound to someone.
I would never date someone who has such an tight attitude about sex. Sex is one of the greatest gifts ever given to humanity. It should be a source of excitement not a point of contention. If I've proven myself serious about a woman, if she does not take me serious enough to share her body with me, I'd move on.
So is this saying if you think your not sexually conpatable with a person they're out right away? I would think sexually compatibility would come about after some extended period of time.
So if I like a guy and we have sex and he dumps me because we're not sexually compatible my heart's not going to be broken? Maybe people do this to protect themselves. Some people view sex as more then just an act. Find that out about a person and stay away from them, then you shouldn't have this problem.
That's my take as well. Sex is something that a couple needs practice together with. One time together won't tell you squat about each other. The first time together can be awkward , if you REAALY have feelings for each other especially. It was for my partner and I. We had known each other as just friends for so long when intimacy exploded onto the scene we were a bit, unsettled. Got over THAT quick though.. And the...practice...is the best part. Lol
My last two major relationships - we had sex after we were already pretty much in love with each other - for the most part. We might not have said the words yet - but looking back - we were already there or very nearly there. There were reasons why we waited - and it wasn't just my decision. To be honest - we had feelings for each other but I was still in a relationship with someone else. So we waited until I had ended my previous relationship first. And by the time we had sex - we were pretty much already in a relationship with each other. That's how they both went.
I'm all for premarital sex. I would never marry someone that I hadn't had sex with. Sexual compatibility is very important to me. But I'm going to be honest here - I don't think you can tell sexual compatibility by having sex with a person once or even a few times. And you can learn to become more compatible with each other in some respects - you can learn what buttons to push and what gets someone going. The type of things that I think can affect your compatibility for the long haul are things that show up over time, in my opinion. For instance - totally different sex drives, different levels of kinkiness, etc - and often times, these things aren't evident right away. I've never had a lot of chemistry with someone but not had ANY chemistry with them in the bedroom. However, I have had issues due to different sex drives and some other problems - but they became issues over time and were not huge issues from the get go. They were part of the issues that I had in the relationship overall - and not the only problem. If sexual issues had been the only problem - I think that we probably could have worked through them and still made the relationship work.
If I'm falling for someone - I don't really want them sleeping with other people while they are sleeping with me. If I'm going to take that step with them - I'd like to be the only one. And this was never an issue for me. Maybe it's just specific to the way things unfolded and how young we were - but in both of my last relationships - we were pretty much already committed to each other before we slept together. And that was fine with them and me.
Why on earth do you think anyone would make a commitment to you without first finding out if you and they were sexually compatible? Why on earth would would you make a commitment to someone else without first finding out the same thing?
I don't get it either. Ever hear that song "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf? It's a long song and most of the people here over 40 are probably still sick to death of it from hearing it in every bar at last call when they were in their 20s, but basically, it's about a couple of kids fooling around in a car. She stops the action right when they're about to do it and demands to know if he'll love her forever. He tells her he needs to sleep on it. She keeps pushing, and finally, he's so horny he just says yes, and then...
"I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god
And on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time I swore I would love you to the end of time
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
So I can end my time with you"
And I swore I would never be a character in that song.
Why it's such a popular sing-along among women in bars is beyond me, too. It's about manipulation and entrapment, and men hating women because of it. Not exactly something to be proud of.
So is this saying if you think your not sexually conpatable with a person they're out right away? I would think sexually compatibility would come about after some extended period of time.
So if I like a guy and we have sex and he dumps me because we're not sexually compatible my heart's not going to be broken? Maybe people do this to protect themselves. Some people view sex as more then just an act. Find that out about a person and stay away from them, then you shouldn't have this problem.
Yes, I would boot a guy for not being compatible, though I will admit that this is a product of age more than anything. In my 20s, heck, I barely knew myself and what I would enjoy. But as I got older, things became pretty clear. Some things turn me off completely, some things I simply must have. There is a lot of wiggle room between the two, and of course every couple has a learning curve specific to their relationship before they find their own unique rhythm. I'm also willing to experiment. But if he's into something that grosses me out or turns me off, no, I'm not going to stay with him or do it just to make him happy, and I wouldn't expect anyone else to do what they don't like for me, either. Likewise, I am not going to go without the things that I must have both for satisfaction and for bonding purposes, especially because what I must have is not unusual to begin with. Same goes for frequency. I've tried to go with less than what I want because of circumstances and scheduling, and I found that I'd rather be alone than deal with the frustration.
Why on earth do you think anyone would make a commitment to you without first finding out if you and they were sexually compatible? Why on earth would would you make a commitment to someone else without first finding out the same thing?
Becuase "shocker" sex is t THAT important to everyone.
Emotional intimacy is more important to many, The physical act regardless of bad or good is something that can be "worked on"
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. And the...practice...is the best part. Lol
