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Why on earth do you think anyone would make a commitment to you without first finding out if you and they were sexually compatible? Why on earth would would you make a commitment to someone else without first finding out the same thing?
I'll bite since I created a post that probably partially inspired this one. I will say that having good sex is not hard to come by. For me to really let go and enjoy myself I need to know that 1) i'm not being used ONLY for sex 2) I have some sort of chemistry or emotional connection with this person and they care about me. I wouldn't mind having sex with a guy before a relationship if I knew he was genuinely interested in me. What I find a lot however is men who lie about their intentions when they know all they was is a piece of @%$ and nothing more. Nobody wants to be used. I have had sex with men in the past whom I was not "sexually compatible" with at first but as we really got to know each other's bodys and what we like...it was amazing. It turned out to be amazing because we took the time to learn about one another and we also cared enough about each other to stick around and work on it because we knew we had a good emotional connection. Sex is great but when you're dating someone there has to be more than that. You can easily work on sex, heck I like teaching guys . Finding someone who is supportive, caring, affectionate, smart, etc...thats much harder to come by. If I find this guy and we have sex and it's not good the first time, I would definitely be more willing to work on it. If you choose to have sex early and dump someone because you don't immediately connect with them in the beginning...you may have very well missed out on a lot of good opportunities. To each his own but if your having sex before you get to truly know someone and decide right away you're not "compatible" how do you know that your not missing out on something that could truly be special?
Yep.
I've never understood this argument that people should have sex very early in a "relationship" in order to determine if they are sexually compatible.
Where's the fun in that? Where's the sexual tension, the excitement of anticipation, the development of highly arousing fantasies of everything you can't wait to do with this person you feel overwhelmingly attracted to physically, mentally and emotionally? Where's the thrill of the "chase" and the "dance?"
Having sex early on? Meh. Sounds totally predictable and boring to me.
Fantastic sex begins not in one's genitals, but in one's thoughts.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 06-28-2014 at 11:12 AM..
Because not everyone cares that much about sex. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather be with someone who loves me for my personality and not my value in the bedroom. I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who was potentially sleeping with other people. No judgment if that's your thing, but it's not mine. I also wouldn't be able to sleep with anyone I didn't have a strong emotional connection to already, and for me that means either an established friendship or relationship where I know the person well, and there is an existing bond already. Not everyone needs or wants that, but I do. I would just feel gross and unfulfilled otherwise. I can't be attracted to someone that way without knowing them well and already having strong feelings for them. Sex isn't that important in my life that it needs to happen up front, and I've never had issues in committed relationships where we did not have sex beforehand. For me, the other person has usually been on the same page, because it's mostly just a values thing (although on that note, the kinds of people I date aren't generally ones with freaky sexual preferences to start with). To me, compatibility, skill, and whatever else can be worked on within a relationship or marriage. I care about someone's character, morals and values, life goals etc... sex is basically last on the list. Plus like others have mentioned, lots of men just pretend they like a girl to get in bed with them anyways, and have no intention of a relationship. It's hard to get used or played when you just take that off the table entirely. I make my intentions clear and the players head for the hills, if for nothing else, it shows me their intentions early on. If I slept with every guy I liked or dated just to "see" if we were sexually compatible before a relationship, I'd probably have like 12 stds by now.
It's hard to get used or played when you just take that off the table entirely. I make my intentions clear and the players head for the hills, if for nothing else, it shows me their intentions early on. If I slept with every guy I liked or dated just to "see" if we were sexually compatible before a relationship, I'd probably have like 12 stds by now.
I love this part of your post.
The bolded in particular is, like, a no-brainer, and I don't get why some people don't understand this.
Yeah, if I had had sex with every guy I was remotely attracted to or dated over the years in order to determine "sexual compatibility," I would have had sex with one HELL of a lot of men.
Not my thing.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 06-28-2014 at 02:10 PM..
What you are saying is what they are....but reverse. It's the opposite end of the same argument.
No, it isn't. Questioning a social norm is not the same as trying impose a social norm.
Honestly, I am really befuddled by CD. I have had conversations about this with many people over the years. Some agreed, some didn't. But we always understood each other easily.
But here, on CD, it is like a lot of people cannot even comprehend a simple question. They say, "What do you mean by 'committed?'" Ugh. I just can't stand it.
No, it isn't. Questioning a social norm is not the same as trying impose a social norm.
Honestly, I am really befuddled by CD. I have had conversations about this with many people over the years. Some agreed, some didn't. But we always understood each other easily.
But here, on CD, it is like a lot of people cannot even comprehend a simple question. They say, "What do you mean by 'committed?'" Ugh. I just can't stand it.
I don't see why that's a headsmack. Some folks consider "committed" to be married or engaged. Some folks feel it just means being exclusive (not dating others). That may change how someone views it.
I certainly would never expect to wait until marriage, but I wouldn't sleep with Joe Schmoe while he's also seeing and sleeping with Mary, Sue and Jen. My expectation would be that we were exclusive.
Some folks don't mind sloppy seconds or putting their mouth and parts in and on another person after they've slept with someone else the night before. I find it repulsive.
I was never a commitment before sex kind of person.
What ever works for each couple.... as I got older, I actually do advocate waiting a little while before hopping in the sack.... I wouldn't have had that approach when I was 22, but things change a bit as you get older.
I don't see why that's a headsmack. Some folks consider "committed" to be married or engaged. Some folks feel it just means being exclusive (not dating others). That may change how someone views it.
I certainly would never expect to wait until marriage, but I wouldn't sleep with Joe Schmoe while he's also seeing and sleeping with Mary, Sue and Jen. My expectation would be that we were exclusive.
Some folks don't mind sloppy seconds or putting their mouth and parts in and on another person after they've slept with someone else the night before. I find it repulsive.
That how I view it too.... if I'm seeing you and we're doing the horizontal mambo... I don't generally do the horizontal mambo with other women at the same time.... generally speaking of course...
Why on earth do you think anyone would make a commitment to you without first finding out if you and they were sexually compatible? Why on earth would would you make a commitment to someone else without first finding out the same thing?
I do understand that this is a difficult, or even foreign concept for some folks to understand - but this actually works well for some people.
You are entitled to your view of it, but there is not harm in allowing those who do practice abstinence until committment their view as well.
Accept that is works in some cases, whether or not you think it would work for you.
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. Finding someone who is supportive, caring, affectionate, smart, etc...thats much harder to come by. If I find this guy and we have sex and it's not good the first time, I would definitely be more willing to work on it. If you choose to have sex early and dump someone because you don't immediately connect with them in the beginning...you may have very well missed out on a lot of good opportunities. To each his own but if your having sex before you get to truly know someone and decide right away you're not "compatible" how do you know that your not missing out on something that could truly be special?
