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I don't care what anyone says I'm not just going to bed with a guy so he can 'test' me out and subsequently kick me to the curb if I don't meet his standards in the bedroom. Yeah right.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
I don't care what anyone says I'm not just going to bed with a guy so he can 'test' me out and subsequently kick me to the curb if I don't meet his standards in the bedroom. Yeah right.
No one said or implied you should do anything you don't want to do, but for your sake, if I were your friend, I'd encourage you to test him out to see if he meets your standards before committing.
Dating is about getting to know each other to determine compatibility in all areas of a relationship.
The funny thing is, though, that every decade we're alive, we are undergoing change as our lives and our bodies meet different needs and expectations. So, even if you're totally compatible with someone the day you decide on a partnership, that will probably change many times through the years, including sexual compatibility.
If you don't have the commitment to carry you through the times of uneven individual change your relationship will disintegrate. Then you start again. Every time you start again you and your potential partner have the additional baggage of years to deal with.
I know this is less important to many than having a steady sex partner whomever it may be. But thinking ahead and weighing the value of a good and reliable relationship in later years versus being able to find a healthy, unattached sex partner the choice seems obvious for me.
No one said or implied you should do anything you don't want to do, but for your sake, if I were your friend, I'd encourage you to test him out to see if he meets your standards before committing.
Dating is about getting to know each other to determine compatibility in all areas of a relationship.
I just feel it's yet another ploy to bed women and I'm not okay with that...and what standards am I supposed to have? I'm a virgin.
I think some people would just rather do it in comfort and it may be because of the bad reputation sex has when people have it before a relationship.
I think a lot of females feel this way because how many guys would lie and manipulate their way to sex and then just up and leave the girl afterwards. That is MY opinion and MY theory why some people want a commitment before sex.
Silly me, I always thought of sex as a little more than two animals in heat rutting...... guess the current idea is that this is all it is......
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
I just feel it's yet another ploy to bed women and I'm not okay with that...and what standards am I supposed to have? I'm a virgin.
I'm a virgin, too. But I'm just waiting for a meaningful relationship. If I've been friends with a woman for months or years, and feel like we know each other, and she expresses that she has romantic feelings, and I feel the same way, and am sexually attracted to her, I would probably want to sleep with her. But no, there doesn't have to be a commitment, for me. Just meaning.
Like I said in my earlier post, I think this problem comes up because people are dating strangers instead of having the relationship come from a friendship, so that you already know each other.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
I just feel it's yet another ploy to bed women and I'm not okay with that...and what standards am I supposed to have? I'm a virgin.
That is your distrust of men coming through. You have a deep inherent distrust.
Most of us don't need "ploys", we meet women that we want to sleep with and want to sleep with us. It is completely mutual. The person I am seeing now (only 2 dates, but 3rd and 4th planned) was testing me to see if I worked for her just as much as I was determining the same. So far, so good.
And everyone should have standards and develop then. Minimal standards would be at the early stage is do you feel comfortable with them and do they care about your needs or if they're selfish.
I'm a virgin, too. But I'm just waiting for a meaningful relationship. If I've been friends with a woman for months or years, and feel like we know each other, and she expresses that she has romantic feelings, and I feel the same way, and am sexually attracted to her, I would probably want to sleep with her. But no, there doesn't have to be a commitment, for me. Just meaning.
Like I said in my earlier post, I think this problem comes up because people are dating strangers instead of having the relationship come from a friendship, so that you already know each other.
Yea you could be right because after 3 or 4 dates men expect sex and that's a stranger to me. So I don't see how dating could ever work.
That is your distrust of men coming through. You have a deep inherent distrust.
Most of us don't need "ploys", we meet women that we want to sleep with and want to sleep with us. It is completely mutual. The person I am seeing now (only 2 dates, but 3rd and 4th planned) was testing me to see if I worked for her just as much as I was determining the same. So far, so good.
And everyone should have standards and develop then. Minimal standards would be at the early stage is do you feel comfortable with them and do they care about your needs or if they're selfish.
Yea I distrust them because they're always trying to find ways to get sex that's why men trot out situations like 'testing out' and 'FWB,' they're nothing but games. If you met a woman who slept with you after 2 dates great for her, I would never do that, bedhopping from date to date just to see if sexual compatible sounds like bullsh*t. Just not the way I am. I have stupid expectations of wanting to be loved first but silly me, that's asking too much.
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