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There's no excuse for being "rough" with the kittens. Many 7yos are able to be careful and gentle. There are so many reasons why he could be acting this way, but it's irrelevant. If you and mom can't protect those helpless animals, you need to find them a new home.
Exactly. My 5yo granddaughter knows the difference and takes her puppy away from her 3yo brother. That 7yo sounds like he has more issues than just ADD, and should not be around animals.
Frankly, OP, the situation sound a lot like the one that you are describing. Unless, you really, really love that woman I suggest leaving. If you really love her step up and marry her and become a real dad to all of her sons.
I've been with her about a year and a half, and been a live-in for roughly a year. Our relationship isn't highly unstable, but for practical reasons (there's a big age gap, for one) nearly everyday I think about the idea of ending the relationship and leaving, but it's a difficult question. I feel sorry for my girlfriend and her son and I'm concerned of negative reactions from my parents and siblings if I were to move out on this family since they've gotten to know each other over the last year. I would still want to remain part of the boy's life in some way.
so who is the older one? It sounds like she is older than you since you are living with her and not the other way around.
Take it from somebody who knows....the longer you stay the harder it will be to break away. Don't stay in a relationship because you are afraid Mommy and Daddy will disapprove if you leave. That is another reason it sounds like she is older than you.
I hope you realize that if your parents and siblings and this family have a real bond it doesn't have to end because your relationship ends. How much you are a part of this boy's life will depend entirely on her and how you break up.
If he is not your "son" then leave it to her. You said your girlfriends son. Therefore, that implies you are not in a parental relationship with him and should not be disciplining him. And, that relationship will not happen simply because you are his mothers boyfriend and/or you live with them.
If you aren't comfortable with her parenting, then you aren't comfortable with her and your relationship.
I'm glad the cats are elsewhere now.
If she is not comfortable parenting her own child, support her in getting help for that. Attend counseling and/or classes to better understand your role in both if their lives. If he starts thinking of you as his dad and you start feeling he's your son, you can work your way up to a more appropriate situation where your role is to discipline him....but not until you love him as your own son. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen just by loving his mother and living in the same home.
If he is not your "son" then leave it to her. You said your girlfriends son. Therefore, that implies you are not in a parental relationship with him and should not be disciplining him. And, that relationship will not happen simply because you are his mothers boyfriend and/or you live with them.
If you aren't comfortable with her parenting, then you aren't comfortable with her and your relationship.
I'm glad the cats are elsewhere now.
If she is not comfortable parenting her own child, support her in getting help for that. Attend counseling and/or classes to better understand your role in both if their lives. If he starts thinking of you as his dad and you start feeling he's your son, you can work your way up to a more appropriate situation where your role is to discipline him....but not until you love him as your own son. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen just by loving his mother and living in the same home.
Did I miss something? Where did he ever say the cats were out of the house?
1. This kid has serious issues. A kid who abuses little kittens. This is the kind of stuff that you find later has been in the lives of serial killer types. This kid needs help and fast.
2. You are in the same situation as a guy who marries a women with children, the no win situation. You're not the parent, so you have no authority in their minds. BUT, you're expected to have responsibility for raising and caring for this kid. I've said this many times when it comes to jobs, but applies to relationships also. If you are in a situation where you are considered responsible, but given no authority to make decisions, get out. You can't win. You'll end up being used and abused.
While I think the people suggesting psychological disturbance due to what is being termed animal abuse may be responding in an overly alarmist fashion, a seven year-old child is developmentally capable of treating baby animals with the appropriate level of gentle handling. If this child is unintentionally playing too rough, that suggests developmental delays. Toddlers are not yet to the point where, they are consistently able to regulate the strenth of their grip, from a fine motor standpoint, but a typically developing seven-year old should be. Being too rough with small animals is pretty developmentally typical of small children, and not nefarious but if this is a kid without developmental issues, he should be capable of behaving safely.
If the rough handling is intentional and behaviorally based, whole 'nother ballgame. The function of the majority of negative pattern behavior in that age group is either task avoidance or attention-seeking. If this is an excessively attentionseeking child, and the response to manhandling the cats is loads of attention for it, you'll see repeat behavior, because that's a pretty big payoff. Ignoring attentionseeking behavior is the quickest way to extinguish it. But since you can't really ignore unsafe behavior, the only solution is to restrict access. He can't have access to the kittens, however you want to accomplish that, because he is unsafe with them.
Behaviorally speaking, your gf is right to reinforce the positive behavior she does see, no matter how fleeting at this point. If he gets attention for acting appropriately, and only for acting appropriately, he'll do so to get the attention he's seeking. Reinforcement should be proportional to the behavior displayed, though. You don't throw a huge party replete with cake and clowns for being quiet in the store on one 20 minute trip. If he likes family bike rides to the ice cream place, he can earn one by being safe with the kittens ALL DAY, and by helping keep the kitchen clean, say. If he doesn't earn that reinforcer, I wouldn't restrict exercise, because that sends a bad message, but I would not do the family ride with ice cream...maybe he can ride a bit in the driveway, etc., but no big payoff if it isn't earned without displaying the desired behavior.
As a nonparent, you may not get to exert much input, though. The above is a decision for a parent to make, regarding implementation.IMO, though, If you are in a long-term parenting and guardian role (even if not having legal guardianship), your gf should be involving you in these things...you are living with and parenting the child as well. If there's a "You have no say over how I handle my child's behavior, you are not his parent," dynamic going on, rethinking the relationship is probably in order. A team approach with consistency is the only way to address negative behavior.
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