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My husband, who I normally agree with voiced the same view "women do the choosing." We actually got into an argument () because my stance was "you guys are the ones who ask us out", he followed with "you guys are the ones to accept or reject us."
Personally I don't agree with the logic, so this is one area I just throw my hands up.
Women can only do the choosing if someone approaches them. Or if someone accepts their approach. Men do the choosing as much as women, but they tend to discount the women who approach them that they weren't interested in.
My husband, who I normally agree with voiced the same view "women do the choosing." We actually got into an argument () because my stance was "you guys are the ones who ask us out", he followed with "you guys are the ones to accept or reject us."
Personally I don't agree with the logic, so this is one area I just throw my hands up.
I would put it like this.
I knew a woman who had at least 7 guys interested in her in the year that I knew her, all guys that she knew. So, I'm not even counting the guys who went up to her at bars and crap like that. I would say that's pretty typical for an average white woman in their 20s, because that is what she was, so why would I have a reason to think different.
All 7 guys were normal guys who could be funny, sweet, smart. I knew all of them.
Now, geez, if you have that many options year after year in your 20s and early 30s and you are sitting there at age 45 and still single? You must have some kind of regret.
I dunno, that's so far from my reality, but if that were me, I'd definitely be thinking what if with some of those.
Do you have stats to support your assertion about most moneyed-men marrying moneyed-women? I would guess that any verifiable stats on the subject would not support that claim. I would guess that a rich guy would marry any woman as long as she were young enough and attractive enough -- and maybe willing to sign a pre-nup.
Just anecdotally... I don't know of any male managers at my workplace who have a wife making less than roughly $60,000. Some managers/execs have wives who are managers or execs. I admit, this is just people that I know.
The last time I saw a 'trophy wife' was at the airport a couple of months ago. Older guy, typing into a laptop, wife in her 20s with a big ring, she had a bag with a gag tag on it that said "High maintenance". But for all I know, she could be a successful professional too.
Maybe 'trophy wives' are more common in the States, but by the statistics, it would appear to be rare or on the decline. I don't think a man would want to be the only guy at his law firm with a wife he met waiting tables. He'd have half the household income of the other guys that he works with. Gotta keep up with those Joneses.
Unfortunately women have only themselves to blame for their predicament.
In their late 20s/early 30s they overlooked many good men because their standards were irrational and superficial... wanting a 6 footer when you're only 5'1, wanting 6 figure income, wanting a mix of Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt etc etc
Now, in their mid 30s the pool is considerably lower so those good guys that they overlooked are gone!!
I highly doubt this applies to gals in general considering gals options seem to be vast in their early 20s and most of those options seem to be for sex and casual relationships not long-term monogamous relationships leading to marriage. In a gal's late 20s/early 30s it seems most guys are going for the gals in their early 20s so it seems gals pools are quite low with again most of the options seeming to be for sex and casual relationships.
In my opinion even if they hadn't overlooked the 'many good men' gals likely would still be in this predicament. I've known many many gals in their late 30s/early 40s who dated 'good men' and they're depressed about their lack of dating prospects as all those 'good men' amounted to were basically a carousel of happy healthy relationships until she 'hit the wall'.
I knew a woman who had at least 7 guys interested in her in the year that I knew her, all guys that she knew. So, I'm not even counting the guys who went up to her at bars and crap like that. I would say that's pretty typical for an average white woman in their 20s, because that is what she was, so why would I have a reason to think different.
All 7 guys were normal guys who could be funny, sweet, smart. I knew all of them.
Now, geez, if you have that many options year after year in your 20s and early 30s and you are sitting there at age 45 and still single? You must have some kind of regret.
I dunno, that's so far from my reality, but if that were me, I'd definitely be thinking what if with some of those.
But you're looking at the exceptional women. You're missing all the ones that don't even catch your attention and register on your consciousness, that you pass everyday. Why do dateless men fixate on the 20-30% of women who get a lot of attention, and ignore the dateless women who are in the same boat as them, when giving examples like this? It's a mystery.
My husband, who I normally agree with voiced the same view "women do the choosing." We actually got into an argument () because my stance was "you guys are the ones who ask us out", he followed with "you guys are the ones to accept or reject us."
Personally I don't agree with the logic, so this is one area I just throw my hands up.
He's right. It doesn't matter if a 100 guys ask a women out, if she turns them all down, then she "chose" not to date them. The woman is the one who is deciding.
He's right. It doesn't matter if a 100 guys ask a women out, if she turns them all down, then she "chose" not to date them. The woman is the one who is deciding.
He's right. It doesn't matter if a 100 guys ask a women out, if she turns them all down, then she "chose" not to date them. The woman is the one who is deciding.
If no one asks her out, and the guys all flock around a couple of women who are 9's or 10's, she gets to choose between nothing and nothing.
The whole "Choosing" argument goes both ways... as men have said, the woman can reject, hence choosing, but on the flip side, the man has to "choose" her to be rejected.. so it sort of goes both ways......
If no one asks her out, and the guys all flock around a couple of women who are 9's or 10's, she gets to choose between nothing and nothing.
Hmm I see it as more as if no one asks her out then the guys 'chose' not to date her. Then again I see hetero dating as a mutual decision with gals choosing who they don't date by rejection and guys choosing who they don't date by who they do not approach.
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) because my stance was "you guys are the ones who ask us out", he followed with "you guys are the ones to accept or reject us."
