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While I get what you all are saying, why is it the responsibility of the parent (and in most cases it's the woman)? If you are a guy and you don't want to date a woman with more than two kids, just say so in your profile. That way she can skip you since you wouldn't be interested in her.
Chow, I'm guessing you haven't had to deal with online dating since you're in a relationship, but most sites that I have been on allow you to tailor your criteria very specifically - there are boxes to check or questions to answer about children, smoking, religion, etc. On Okcupid there is a specific question that says "Will you date a person with children from a previous relationship?" And you can very simply answer "No" and make it a mandatory criteria, or you can add to your answer and say something like "Yes, but no more than 2." It's really not that difficult to filter out people you would not be interested in.
And as far as wasting time- how much time is really being wasted? You exchange a few emails and meet for coffee or dinner. Find out she has 4 kids and that's a dealbreaker for you? Oh well, you're out a few hours of your life and you move on. Not that much time or effort being wasted. It would be no different than meeting someone in real life, talk a little bit, decide to go on a date and then find out something about them doesn't work for you. It happens, people move on, it's not like you've wasted weeks or months of your life with someone.
While I get what you all are saying, why is it the responsibility of the parent (and in most cases it's the woman)? If you are a guy and you don't want to date a woman with more than two kids, just say so in your profile. That way she can skip you since you wouldn't be interested in her.
Chow, I'm guessing you haven't had to deal with online dating since you're in a relationship, but most sites that I have been on allow you to tailor your criteria very specifically - there are boxes to check or questions to answer about children, smoking, religion, etc. On Okcupid there is a specific question that says "Will you date a person with children from a previous relationship?" And you can very simply answer "No" and make it a mandatory criteria, or you can add to your answer and say something like "Yes, but no more than 2." It's really not that difficult to filter out people you would not be interested in.
And as far as wasting time- how much time is really being wasted? You exchange a few emails and meet for coffee or dinner. Find out she has 4 kids and that's a dealbreaker for you? Oh well, you're out a few hours of your life and you move on. Not that much time or effort being wasted. It would be no different than meeting someone in real life, talk a little bit, decide to go on a date and then find out something about them doesn't work for you. It happens, people move on, it's not like you've wasted weeks or months of your life with someone.
I never really said it was the woman's responsibility, I was actually pretty careful to say man or woman, a couple of times, I believe.
But yeah it goes both ways put in the profile somewhere.
You're right, I haven't online dated, so I can't speak from experience there.
As I mentioned previously, it protects both parties if people are upfront about it, that's the only point I was trying to make.
In terms of wasting time... IDK... time is precious and more importantly what if there is a spark, a connection, like I said, it would suck to have all that end if kid(s) are a deal breaker for someone.
Wasn't trying to turn this thread into some kind of anti-children one.
I never really said it was the woman's responsibility, I was actually pretty careful to say man or woman, a couple of times, I believe.
But yeah it goes both ways put in the profile somewhere.
You're right, I haven't online dated, so I can't speak from experience there.
As I mentioned previously, it protects both parties if people are upfront about it, that's the only point I was trying to make.
In terms of wasting time... IDK... time is precious and more importantly what if there is a spark, a connection, like I said, it would suck to have all that end if kid(s) are a deal breaker for someone.
Wasn't trying to turn this thread into some kind of anti-children one.
I don't disagree with anything you're saying, but I believe the onus should be on the person who wants to make an exclusion, not the other way around.
I don't want to waste time neither, so in addition to the number of kids, I want women to disclose on their profile:
- credit score: I'm incompatible with someone who could be fiscally irresponsible
- salary and IRA balance: I don't want to potentially be someone's sugar daddy
- home ownership status
- whether they are an alcoholic
I don't disagree with anything you're saying, but I believe the onus should be on the person who wants to make an exclusion, not the other way around.
I get what you mean, that's fine and dandy if the "seeker" puts in their profile that they don't want to deal with X number of kids. That makes sense.
I'm still sort of confused how the onus is on the excluder, if the excluder is the seeker, how are they able to "seek" an ad and determine if they have too many kids, if they don't list how many they have.
it's a cart before the horse sort of situation.
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