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So I'm here on the 4th of July at home nursing a fractured rib.
That's besides the point, but it gives me time to think about those in your life. I feel awful hurting this girl that was dating me for five months. She was enamored by me, to an extent still am. I haven't been in a relationship for over a year and living where I'm at I was a bit angry having to adjust. I am a private person.
Fast forward, this girl REALLY wanted to be my girlfriend, we were friends prior, but I had many reservations about her:
-She is physically generally not my 'type'. I don't always follow my 'type' though.
-She was talking to me for a month and she cheated on her ex for me. She came onto me, I didn't say no.
-I tried to limit contact after that incident. We started hanging out a bit, evolves into dating.
-She wanted me around all the time. I have a busy life. I took it as her being needy, I felt it was a bit controlling.
-Her medication: adderal and anti-depressants. I'm a bit anti Big Pharma. That did concern me about her behavior.
-Her need to go out and drink several times a week. I tend to keep an active lifestyle and hardly drink.
-I later found that she was on thedirty.com. Slandered by a friend or truth? She was accused of cheating then and I can confirm she cheated now. I confronted her about this though and she said it was false. Still reservations.
-Circumstantial stuff...a friend of 10 years attacking her and beating her up. Also a suicidal friend, I somehow got involved. These make me question what type of people she associates with.
-Name calling when arguing.
So all this time I felt I legitimately had strong reservations about her to not take it any further than it was a the moment until I saw some things. I feel though that I possibly lead her on and was irresponsible at times. I was ugly towards her at times, not name calling, but attacking her with personal things (e.g. especially her cheating and what information I found about her, her getting attacked, her needing to drink constantly). Which dissolved some trust between us.
With that said, we have had each others back. Part of me feels like this is a woman I should NOT be in a relationship with at all, but I also feel bad because I think she genuinely cares about me and loves me. So I feel like I should make it up for her or something...I've apologized. Does anyone have experience in these situations and how they resolved them? Obviously she is limiting contact with me, but just this week we saw each other and had dinner. Thoughts?
Decide if you want to have any sort of relationship with her, friendly or otherwise then proceed from that decision.
Once you have made that decision then continue with whatever relationship you have chosen whether it be friendly, romantic or none at all.
OP, I agree with you that this person isn't relationship material for you. So the other option available is to be friends. Also not a good idea, because a) she could think that might develop into more over time, and b) she doesn't seem like the kind of person you'd want to be friends with, in terms of sharing your values. And it seems like she's not going to change. It can be hard to let needy people go, but sometimes that's the best course of action. Needy people will tend to cling to some degree or other.
Or you can dial the friendship way back, and see her for lunch or dinner once every couple of months, just to stay in touch. Though I don't know what the point would be.
Decide if you want to have any sort of relationship with her, friendly or otherwise then proceed from that decision.
Once you have made that decision then continue with whatever relationship you have chosen whether it be friendly, romantic or none at all.
Friendship yes. I think I screwed up by allowing myself to involve myself with someone so long that I had such strong reservations against.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP, I agree with you that this person isn't relationship material for you. So the other option available is to be friends. Also not a good idea, because a) she could think that might develop into more over time, and b) she doesn't seem like the kind of person you'd want to be friends with, in terms of sharing your values. And it seems like she's not going to change. It can be hard to let needy people go, but sometimes that's the best course of action. Needy people will tend to cling to some degree or other.
Or you can dial the friendship way back, and see her for lunch or dinner once every couple of months, just to stay in touch. Though I don't know what the point would be.
I genuinely think she's a sweet girl. My compassion gets the better of me. I do feel happier right now with things in my life. We aren't dating, I'm going out a bit with friends and meeting women.
The GOOD times we were together I think she was actually being a genuine person. For a while living here I felt a bit 'invisible' and it is always good to have some degree of companionship. With that said ANOTHER reservation of mine is that I don't really anticipate living here for another year, so we will see.
I think my compassion is getting to me.
She's one of the girls that says "Don't judge me" which I really hate when someone says that.
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