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Old 07-15-2014, 05:45 PM
 
Location: LA, CA/ In This Time and Place
5,443 posts, read 4,647,546 times
Reputation: 5117

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Really now?

I don't believe that will solve much. You seem to believe relationships solve everything.
No one said it solves anything, life is about balance! Just like being productive, having fun, etc are parts of life, relationships are also. We are biologically inclined to go out, seek romantic partnerships and get laid! Plain and simple.

No one said having a relationship is the be all and end all of relationships. But without it, life sucks for sure!
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Old 07-15-2014, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
678 posts, read 1,059,335 times
Reputation: 867
I didn't get into a serious relationship until 30. I've been in that same relationship for 9 years.
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Old 07-16-2014, 10:24 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,916 posts, read 7,662,555 times
Reputation: 16640
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nema98 View Post
No one said it solves anything, life is about balance! Just like being productive, having fun, etc are parts of life, relationships are also. We are biologically inclined to go out, seek romantic partnerships and get laid! Plain and simple.

No one said having a relationship is the be all and end all of relationships. But without it, life sucks for sure!
Okie doke if that's how you feel.

Everyone is different and believes different things.
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Old 07-17-2014, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Empire State of Philly
1,921 posts, read 1,730,702 times
Reputation: 3157
Enough to realize that being in a relationship is no longer my priority. I gathered that being single is a blessing. You're free to travel, study, volunteer without being afraid of leaving someone behind. Sure, sometimes I feel lonely, but being single in your mid-twenties to early thirties is probably the best idea. Career and travel are far more uplifting than a lousy relationship that is most likely going to end after a couple of months/years. People change so much in their twenties, getting involved in a very serious relationship at such age is just opening the door to disappointments. It's Pandora's box. I don't want to be 35 and look back on all the time I wasted on someone and because of that someone!

I have a lot of friends who are getting engaged at 24/25 and move in with their SO. What on earth? Man, I still want my financial independence. I want to have the freedom to volunteer abroad when I want to, change careers if I want to, start a company if I feel like it ... I don't want to have the burden of being "tied down" to someone and have to get their seal of approval on every single project I envision because "finances" have to come first. Ew. I'm far too young for such responsibilites. Plus, I just stopped being financially and emotionally tied to my parents, I don't want to jump into another dependence dynamic.

I'm not even in the mood for dating or flirting because getting attached to someone is not in my plans at the moment. Sure, if a cool guy were to come along, I'd give it a shot but no co-dependence or sacrifices.
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Old 07-17-2014, 12:01 PM
 
54 posts, read 48,412 times
Reputation: 40
I have been divorced for 6 years (married for 30). I was engaged with my fiance for 2 years and engaged to him for 6 months before he passed away in June of 2013. That was 2 months before the wedding date. About 3 months ago I decided to start dating again. I have grieved my loss and am prepared to move on. Dating is an interesting process.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:48 PM
 
2,777 posts, read 1,770,900 times
Reputation: 2418
I was single or in a sort of FWB/fling situation from high school up until I turned 35.

My high school relationship wasn't something I took very seriously... she was a nice girl but I was way too young and I suppose I always thought I would have some wild years. I had no idea when I broke up with her that it was going to be the last relationship I would have until my 30s.

I wish I could say I was having fun/playing the field/living the good free bachelor's life after that, but that was most certainly not the case. I was a virgin through university and for a few years after that. I spent a lot of time sort of hiding and disappearing into the shadows, I guess.

I had maybe a handful of flings with women and then some men as well-- some of them were fun, but most of them weren't, and I didn't approach them as if they had any meaning. I had always wanted to connect with people but never really felt like it was happening when I tried.

None of them lasted more than a few months. I probably could have had more flings/sex/affairs, but I've never been very outgoing and I don't like the idea of being sucked into other people's circles of friends (mild social anxiety), or dealing with fallout, or sleeping with strangers... there were quite a few times where I was too afraid/anxious to go through with it. And sometimes I sabotaged it by being too awkward. I think sometimes the awkwardness was even endearing to some of these girls, but when I saw it didn't bother them too much I would just get even more nervous or just generally not know how to keep going... and every time I backed down I beat myself up over it and ended up more discouraged, even when I probably shouldn't have cared.

I grew more and more afraid and embarrassed by my lack of experience/life situation, but I didn't want to be afraid or embarrassed so I told myself that I was alone and proud and really enjoying all the freedom and such. I did a lot of traveling and living abroad but it wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it should be. I made sure to do something travel-related twice a year... mountain climbing, scuba diving, jungles, safaris, etc. But none of it really made me happy... it seemed to make other people happy to hear it, though. I think recreational travel is pretty empty... volunteering and really committing yourself to a culture is important but I guess I never really found the strength to do that.

Parts of it were enough to shock me out of my despair momentarily, but most of the time I would have gladly traded the speed at which I could travel alone for some company. Sometimes I did meet people... and I guess that was probably the best part of traveling... the traveling wasn't even the thing, what I was looking for was a likeminded, loyal, warm group of friends. But of course, I didn't stay in touch with any of them because I was ashamed of who I was when I got back from my trip.

After a while, I was pretty much like the whiners on here-- jaded, frustrated, mired in increasingly more horrible porn and had dodgy ideas about women, sex, who I was and what people were really like. Even looking forward to traveling twice a year wasn't enough to make up for all of the solitude, shame and despair I was feeling the rest of the time.

I would often lie about who I was and what I did when I was on my adventures... make up a whole new me based on one of my many failed career paths, different stories about why I was there and such. It was pretty fun sometimes... but I would get nervous and feel like they knew I was lying.

Sometimes when I was traveling I would be on a bus or in a hotel room or something and feel this overwhelming sadness. I remember being on the verge of tears while on a bus in Indonesia on New Year's Eve, quietly watching the clock next to the driver's mirror, wishing I just had someone to talk to, but knowing that even if I was at home I wouldn't be doing anything special.

Walking the streets somewhere and looking at couples in restaurants while sitting alone was the worst. I eventually stopped meeting people while traveling and had a harder and harder time being social in hostels and such. I guess because I was older, sadder and more alone. And I was afraid that my jadedness would come out in real life, people would judge me for it, and I would end up hating myself even more.

Deep down, I didn't really believe that all women were horrible or that life was all BS or whatever-- I just wanted desperately to believe it because it seemed preferable to admitting that I was suffering and probably had other issues. I couldn't admit that I wasn't trying hard enough and wondered why everyone else wouldn't change for me. I think I probably needed help but was too proud to admit it... I didn't want to need anyone else, because I felt like I was so bad with people.

Still, I had all of this hope that I would meet the perfect girl at the perfect moment when I was finally in a better place mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and geographically... at some point in the future. It was one of those things that made me less suicidal. But of course, dream woman wasn't real, and the version of me that I pictured dream woman falling in love with wasn't real either. I was basically watching a mental movie over and over in my head, starring these two perfect people falling in love, and one of them was supposed to be me. It was ridiculous.

I didn't even really think about how many years were passing by as I moved from country to country and city to city, meeting people and then never seeing them again, not keeping in touch, burning every bridge, leaving quietly in the night with no one saying goodbye, etc. I did that for about 9 years... which is quite a long time. But I was aggressively single for close to 16 years.

Eventually I hit a breaking point and came to realize that I was really tired and sad, and I needed to break out of that before it was too late. I wasn't really expecting the right girl came along... but then she did. And she was okay with my not having had relationships... I guess she figured that at least I had had sex a few times haha. I told her I hadn't had a relationship and I guess she took a chance on me.

I am still in awe of just how open-minded she was and it was a huge inspiration to stop the porn, be more diplomatic/open to others, and just overall try to be a better person. I don't feel like I'm missing out or like I need to travel anymore or do a lot of other things. She wasn't grossed out by anything and didn't judge me for anything I had done or the porn or any of it. She was super cool, which inspired me to be cool too. She isn't like my dream woman-- she's better because she's real, and I'm starting to be okay with the real me as well.

Haha that's my long-ass rant for all the young people here... if you read it, thank you!
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:51 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,961,628 times
Reputation: 62660
I'm not single now but I was single for 10 years after my divorce and before I met my Husband.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:57 PM
 
2,560 posts, read 2,630,688 times
Reputation: 1484
I've been single for 15 years as 15 is when I started dating. I multi-date so there's never really been a time where I haven't been dating some guy.

I've haven't been in a relationship as I have no interest in being in one. I find relationship dynamics for gals to be quite sucky since I'm not into being controlled/dominated/delegated to nor am I into giving chances to some jaded bitter resentful guy with misogynistic tendencies to change his ways. Plus it seems I'm not missing out any as going by studies I've seen it seems most gals in relationships are unhappy and single gals are the happiest.
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,230,264 times
Reputation: 30254
Longest I've been 'uncommitted' is three years, and counting.
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
5,648 posts, read 8,023,090 times
Reputation: 2462
4 months and for the rest of my life.
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