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You throw around most guys and plenty of guys like your experience is the norm. No point in arguing with someone's whose world view is the only one.
Nowhere in that did I state my experience is the norm. You're the one who seems to think their world view is the only one by how you claimed such entitlement is just my social circle, not an issue, my issue, or made up because you haven't encountered it.
I stated what I find on most guys....hmm and nowhere did I act like these findings are the norm.
I stated I know plenty of entitled guys...hmm and nowhere did I act like my experience is the norm. You did however by suggesting if you don't know any then they don't exist.
on you seemingly no longer 'arguing' as I see is no point in your offtopic derail considering:
1) I don't even mention feminism and your first response is telling me to "Stop turning everything into a feminist issue."
2) I talked about it being entitled for a guy to think he deserves attractive looks but gals should look past looks and give him a chance yet your response is telling me I'm "Crying "entitlement" every time a guy complains about his luck with women".
Last edited by udolipixie; 07-17-2014 at 04:23 PM..
Who made such assumptions on this thread? Or are you talking about people you converse with in other venues?
I would imagine it's your level of 'failure' that result in you being happy to just cuddle with a woman. It seems most guys on this forum see themselves as having options so they would be not be happy with just any gal but happy with a gal they find attractive, interesting, and appealing.
I wasn't talking about anyone in this thread, just online mainly. People seem to assume the worst online.
I wasn't talking about anyone in this thread, just online mainly. People seem to assume the worst online.
So it seems either this thread is an exception or it's your experience/findings that people assume the worst online.
As for your matter.
1) You claim you'd be dating corpses if you lowered your standards.
What are your current standards now? I find most often guys tout the whole they can't lower their standards anymore when they really can. Also what are you doing to pursue those lower standards? It's one thing to lower your standards to obese and deformed but how often do you see such gals and pursue them. Like are you on several bbw/fat/deformed dating sites or do you go if I ever maybe see that kind of gal I'll approach her.
2) You seem to suggest wanting a partner who is happy in the relationship not a slave is the reason you aren't keen on the foreign gal/mail order option.
That seems resolvable by treating her as you how you perceive a partner is treated. So are you reconsidering the mail order or third world country foreign gal aspect?
If it aids your decision: I know a 45 year old dude with this really attractive 18 year old from a third world country and she seems to be quite happy and comfortable to be in America with him. She thinks he's amazing because he doesn't beat her she appears to be in awestruck bliss.
Well, you've found the harsh reality that there are way more women than men of prime child bearing years in the USA. Not a big deal, since that's not the case elsewhere for reasons you can surmise on your own. Dust off your passport (Of course you have one...right?) and get out and find your wife. In the rest of the world, dating doesn't treat men like disposable numbers. Feminism doesn't exist elsewhere outside of western culture. Get the drift?
This is illogical. If there are more young women than men in the USA, then doesn't that give men the advantage here?
Quote:
Don't lower your standards from anything realistic, either. I had a coworker who thought it wise urge me to try and date a friend's sister-in-law. I get that. The friend's wife is adorable and all cute and cuddly and raised in the country where she knew doing wrong would get her embarrassed. The SIL is basically a bro. Doesn't shave, cusses like a sailor, drinks herself under the table, and treated her starter marriage like it was an orgy. NO freaking thanks.
Really? I doubt that. Women don't have to do really much of anything but breathe and guys are lining up for her to pick from which doesn't take much work or a thought process--don't like one, just discard him. Thanks to equality, OP's job and car don't mean anything and being "in college" and not making six figure income doesn't, either.
This is full of fallacy also. Your bad experiences are not the wider reality.
There are many nice, attractive women who are not promiscuous, some of whom are not batting men off with a bat. They just don't want to date YOU for obvious reasons.
----
OP, you need better self-esteem. Wanting to be with anyone just to have a girlfriend is coming through in your demeanor & actions. If you don't value yourself, then why should anyone value you? You need to not only present yourself as valuable but FEEL it. Think about what you can contribute to a relationship that is NOT "measurable" - not a job, not an education, but personal qualities. Remind yourself of these & repeat them, ie. "I will make a good boyfriend because I am a caring, smart, and fun person. There is a worthwhile woman who will see & appreciate this". Or whatever applies. Be very specific in this. When you start to think negative, self-defeating thoughts, consciously switch gears & go into positive self-talk instead.
Next, think about what you need & what you'd like. Not just a breathing woman, but what qualities would suit you & what preferences do you have? I'm not saying become picky, but having standards asserts YOUR value. A woman won't feel special if you pick her because you think you have a shot, but she will feel special if you pick HER specifically because you appreciate her as an individual. This will come through when you interact with women you genuinely are interested, both your regard for them & your regard for yourself.
In thinking about the kind of woman you would like (beyond looks - think personal qualities & what kind of relationship you'd like), consider where she would be NOW. Is she a party girl at the club? Maybe not... go where she would be. If you want someone kind & caring, consider what such a person does with her time. If you want someone adventurous, go on adventures to meet people like her. Etc... You are in college and have a lot of opportunities to meet like-minded people. What is it that you are passionate about? What do you enjoy? What do you believe in? Start finding opportunities to interact with others over these things & you may meet someone compatible.
Of course you should not settle for someone you have no physical attraction to, but be reasonable. There is a lot of middle ground between what is ideal & what you can find attractive in reality. You don't have to settle nor only focus on a narrow ideal of what "hot" is. It doesn't seem this is a big issue for you, but it seems less that you're being realistic than acting out of low self-esteem.
This is illogical. If there are more young women than men in the USA, then doesn't that give men the advantage here?
OP, you need better self-esteem. Wanting to be with anyone just to have a girlfriend is coming through in your demeanor & actions. If you don't value yourself, then why should anyone value you? You need to not only present yourself as valuable but FEEL it. Think about what you can contribute to a relationship that is NOT "measurable" - not a job, not an education, but personal qualities. Remind yourself of these & repeat them, ie. "I will make a good boyfriend because I am a caring, smart, and fun person. There is a worthwhile woman who will see & appreciate this". Or whatever applies. Be very specific in this. When you start to think negative, self-defeating thoughts, consciously switch gears & go into positive self-talk instead.
Next, think about what you need & what you'd like. Not just a breathing woman, but what qualities would suit you & what preferences do you have? I'm not saying become picky, but having standards asserts YOUR value. A woman won't feel special if you pick her because you think you have a shot, but she will feel special if you pick HER specifically because you appreciate her as an individual. This will come through when you interact with women you genuinely are interested, both your regard for them & your regard for yourself.
In thinking about the kind of woman you would like (beyond looks - think personal qualities & what kind of relationship you'd like), consider where she would be NOW. Is she a party girl at the club? Maybe not... go where she would be. If you want someone kind & caring, consider what such a person does with her time. If you want someone adventurous, go on adventures to meet people like her. Etc... You are in college and have a lot of opportunities to meet like-minded people. What is it that you are passionate about? What do you enjoy? What do you believe in? Start finding opportunities to interact with others over these things & you may meet someone compatible.
Of course you should not settle for someone you have no physical attraction to, but be reasonable. There is a lot of middle ground between what is ideal & what you can find attractive in reality. You don't have to settle nor only focus on a narrow ideal of what "hot" is. It doesn't seem this is a big issue for you, but it seems less that you're being realistic than acting out of low self-esteem.
Hope some of that helps!
Well just because there are more women then men doesn't mean every guy is going to be desired. I imagine if you put 75 women in a room and 25 men and tell the women to choose which guy they want (with multiple women being able to choose the same guy) they'd probably still be guys who don't get chosen. Self-esteem on the other hand is like climbing out of a hole. You can spend weeks and months trying to climb out and one mistake (rejection) knocks you back to the drawing board again. When I've failed so much I don't expect any positive results when it comes to trying.
No, I just want the opportunity to experience what everyone else feels.
It seems you may be idealizing this as not everyone else had romantic/sexual relationships. Many things about a relationship aren't pleasant as there will likely be compromises, sacrifices, and rejections.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slickroach
I imagine if you put 75 women in a room and 25 men and tell the women to choose which guy they want (with multiple women being able to choose the same guy) they'd probably still be guys who don't get chosen.
It seems what you imagine also overlooks that the guy the women choose may not accept her. Again you claimed if you'd be dating corpses if you lowered your standards. What are your current standards now? I find most often guys tout the whole they can't lower their standards anymore when they really can. Also what are you doing to pursue those lower standards? It's one thing to lower your standards to obese and deformed but how often do you see such gals and pursue them. Like are you on several bbw/fat/deformed dating sites or do you go if I ever maybe see that kind of gal I'll approach her.
It seems you may be idealizing this as not everyone else had romantic/sexual relationships. Many things about a relationship aren't pleasant as there will likely be compromises, sacrifices, and rejections.
It seems what you imagine also overlooks that the guy the women choose may not accept her. Again you claimed if you'd be dating corpses if you lowered your standards. What are your current standards now? I find most often guys tout the whole they can't lower their standards anymore when they really can. Also what are you doing to pursue those lower standards? It's one thing to lower your standards to obese and deformed but how often do you see such gals and pursue them. Like are you on several bbw/fat/deformed dating sites or do you go if I ever maybe see that kind of gal I'll approach her.
In terms of standards I usually go for nerdy, plain jane, chubby girls. I tried with obese wonen and they ignore me before I get to even ask them out. I'm starting to think race may be involved since I'm black and most of the girls I ask out are white or spanish, maybe that terrifies them or something, idk.
Don't limit yourself to a particular age group, race or other demographic. The universe does not understand these things and so, your soulmate may fall outsude if your parameters.
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on you seemingly no longer 'arguing' as I see is no point in your offtopic derail considering:
