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I think it depends on the person. A friend of mine told me, when people get married they have to "rekindle" that flame every few years. Meaning it eventually dies out over time and if you really love that person you would make it work.
Although, I do agree with you enjoying the time you have with that person is amazing. I liked this guy for a long time and it seemed he liked me a lot as well. But as time progressed and the distance became a real issue, we eventually quit talking. I was hurting so bad after that, and he would come and go as he pleases. That made me feel even worse. When I would talk to to him I would be so happy and cheerful, nothing could bring me down.
I know I have a lot to learn, but I a trying to learn to enjoy life and appreciate what I have in the present as opposed to what to what I may or may nor have in the future. It is hard when something you think is so special ends but that is the risk you take when you open up to someone. I really want to experience the full thing in the near future or in the future in general because I would hate to go through life without experiencing "something."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I am not really overthinking my current situation too much, although there are hurdles, I will be moving in the fall (a doable distance) and this is probably a rebound for her after a long relationship of 7 years (though thankfully she sowed some seeds between then and meeting me), but it really was about how the premise never made sense to me. I guess the slowing down is mainly to create an emotional buffer and have some self protection. I guess I can get that, but I know personally, if I don't allow myself to get hurt, I'm not going to be able to fall for someone either. It's been a long time since I really fell for someone. It would be nice. Who knew when I went to grab a Mai Tai and take out that I'd meet someone awesome.
I am not really overthinking my current situation too much, although there are hurdles, I will be moving in the fall (a doable distance) and this is probably a rebound for her after a long relationship of 7 years (though thankfully she sowed some seeds between then and meeting me), but it really was about how the premise never made snese to me. I guess the slowing down is mainly to create an emotional buffer and have some self protection. I guess I can get that, but I know personally, if I don't allow myself to get hurt, I'm not going to be able to fall for someone either. It's been a long time since I really fell for someone. It would be nice. Who knew when I went to grab a Mai Tai and take out that I'd meet someone awesome.
The last few months I've reflected on this sentiment you have OP. My last two relationships both last approximately 3 months. How both of those ended started exactly the same. We saw each other 3 days a week and at about the 2 month mark it was starting to unravel. At the same time, my most successful relationship, we moved in together at 2 months and it lasted 3 years. There's really no rhyme or reason sometimes why a relationship begins or ends.
At least with my last 2 I was definitely searching for something and that was long-term commitment. I got cold feet on the first one and the most recent the situation was too difficult for both of us to continue in relationship form. Now, I'm not searching for anything, because I'm unsure I want to deal with another 3 month failure right now. That's my most recent past history and I'm not ready to repeat it.
I'm really ready to settle down, but I have some reservations if I'm too independent to let someone close or if I just haven't met that right person yet. I truly don't have the answer.
Sure, true enough. But what exactly is gained by slowing down? I'm not clear on that. You're slowing down on the hot, passionate sex. That doesn't sound like a positive. And yeah, if you do and clear your mind a bit and realize it wasn't meant to be you can end it earlier... and have had less hot sex.
This is what I'm missing in the premise. I don't see the benefit, only a downside.
I think it depends what you want with that person, just the hot sex, or to build a relationship? How much time are you spending getting to know each other as people, versus having sex?
I don't view it as a downside if I didn't have enough "hot sex" before it fizzled, because that wasn't all that I was looking for. The thrill of sex with someone new doesnt compel me enough to want to stick around just for that if there's not much else keeping us together.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I think it depends what you want with that person, just the hot sex, or to build a relationship? How much time are you spending getting to know each other as people, versus having sex?
I don't view it as a downside if I didn't have enough "hot sex" before it fizzled, because that wasn't all that I was looking for. The thrill of sex with someone new doesnt compel me enough to want to stick around just for that if there's not much else keeping us together.
Do you really think sex gets in the way of building the relationship? Maybe that is a fundamental difference. I never have. My best long term relationships all started with a instant chemistry, both mental and physical, and then we built from there. I can't see at all how our saying "no, we will slow down on the sex" would have improved our relationships. It certainly didn't hinder my long term friendships with any of them.
Sure, true enough. But what exactly is gained by slowing down? I'm not clear on that. You're slowing down on the hot, passionate sex. That doesn't sound like a positive. And yeah, if you do and clear your mind a bit and realize it wasn't meant to be you can end it earlier... and have had less hot sex.
This is what I'm missing in the premise. I don't see the benefit, only a downside.
It isn't so much what you gain by slowing down but rather what you risk by NOT slowing down. Sure, having mad passionate sex everyday is great. But this is what I was saying about sex clouding you're thinking. The sex is great and you're having lots of it, but it causes you to overlook potential red flags with the other person. And by the time you do, you'll have a harder time walking away. It's kind of like a drug. You're feeling high and don't want to come back down. Maybe being drunk is a better analogy. You keep drinking cause it feels good. But if you don't take a break, you could do something stupid that you'll regret later.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
Well we wouldn't want the relationship to burn out, would we????
By the way, I made you this first aid kit...
After last night I think I need the New Skin and caffeine pills. Thank you.
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