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Ideally that sounds awesome. What happens with me though - I have never broken up because I lost feelings for them or just liked them as a friend, etc. My feelings are always very intact when I have to pull the trigger so I have to stay away or I stay attached FOREVER. And I mean years. It is like I am on their hook forever. This means no new men can crowd into my heart and I feel the rejection/pain forever.
I also need to do this just with ones I am gaga for that don't work out. Staying friendly with guys I date briefly or whatnot, no prob. On of my closest male friends for years was one I went on two dates with but neither had attraction for the other but we enjoyed hanging out.
btw - I dont think I am healthy about this stuff in the least
I don't think I'm healthy with it either.
I don't listen to the tips and advice because nobody really understands it but you. You have to get over in your own time. I honestly don't believe I am cut out for love. My heart moves too slowly, when I like someone I am stuck on them for a while, and it takes forever until I fall for someone else. I have eventually lost feelings for past crushes but it was only when I liked someone else. The odds are not in my favor.
yeah Aurelia, I dont find many guys I like so when I fall it is HARD.
my bff isnt here so I will share: she gets over every guy easily because she doesnt really care about any of them. It is all about filling a slot. She just goes onto the next one quickly and forgets about the last one. I am not sure if I find this sad or I am jealous.
I did NC on a long distance relationship. It wasn't like I would encounter a lot anyways. I did NC to move on but part of me wanted her to feel the pain, if not more, that I experienced during the break up.
I tried NC with a coworker. That works for like 2-3 days.
Ideally that sounds awesome. What happens with me though - I have never broken up because I lost feelings for them or just liked them as a friend, etc. My feelings are always very intact when I have to pull the trigger so I have to stay away or I stay attached FOREVER. And I mean years. It is like I am on their hook forever. This means no new men can crowd into my heart and I feel the rejection/pain forever.
I also need to do this just with ones I am gaga for that don't work out. Staying friendly with guys I date briefly or whatnot, no prob. On of my closest male friends for years was one I went on two dates with but neither had attraction for the other but we enjoyed hanging out.
btw - I dont think I am healthy about this stuff in the least
It's possible that the pain you are feeling is not about those guys, but is something deeper that just gets kind of projected onto them. A counselor could help you figure out if that's the case.
It's normal not to want another relationship for a year or two after a serious one ends, though. When I said we help each other with OLD dating and stuff, I meant a year or more down the road (unless, like you said, it was a casual relationship).
And no, dragon_fly_12, this does not mean detachment from emotions . It means processing the emotions so that they are not upsetting us. It's ok if this does not work for you, but there is no need to leap to conclusions.
I'm awesome at no contact. I had a horrible relationship after my first marriage ended. I left the country on the pretext of working away for 3 months. While I was away I sent him a letter saying it was over along with all the jewellery he'd given me and never spoke to him again. That was over 10 years ago. I occupied my time with working, traveling ans buying myself nice things.
For me, I find that NC is not a healthy way to break up.
Of course there are exceptions in cases of abuse or other psycho behaviour, but, in general, I think the assumption some people make that it is always the best just isn't true.
What I do is convert my ex's into friends. We still talk, hang out, etc. When needed, we talk about the relationship, but mostly we talk about other stuff. We help each other write OLD dating ads and talk about our dates, even .
It's pretty easy to know when and when not to keep in contact with someone. I never really got the whole idea of it being a tormenting choice
Most people are not capable of this because it requires a detachment from emotions that most humans can't do.
My NC is good. I'm loyal to my own rules. It isn't easy, but they eventually get out of my head.
Some humans can do this and it is a blessing (in my opinion).
I don't get emotionally attached to most of humanity so the no contact is as easy as turning around and walking away and not looking back for me.
I've had NC for my ex-GF for 15 months. We were together for over 2 years. I had very strong feelings for her and I think she did as well, although she broke things off. She'd broken up before but I had managed to patch things up. Nothing serious caused the breakups - in fact I really don't know the reasons other than unjustified jealousy on her part. I tried to reconcile again but it just wasn't in the cards, and she didn't even want to be friends (said we were too close). I still have lingering feelings and not a day goes by when I don't think about her. But I'm glad I maintained NC and expect I'll stay that way; it's just much harder to uncouple if you stay in touch.
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. It means processing the emotions so that they are not upsetting us. It's ok if this does not work for you, but there is no need to leap to conclusions.
