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Unless it's discussed in advance, I think everyone on this thread knows that the man is expected to pay. Being 57 years old and knowing where we seemed to be heading 40 years ago, I would have thought that expectation and women's (and often men's) death grip on it, might have loosened a bit by now, but it hasn't. So I'll agree the guy in the OP was a turd, though I doubt he has some plan to scam movies out of unsuspecting women.
I will say that for those who explain the virtue of this arrangement in terms like feminine or masculine essence (Dr Strangelove???) how do you even?
She bought the tickets and he never offered to pay back.
Yes, and then the crafty scoundrel paid for his part of the meal later in the eve... Hmmm. Well, then he invited her out to a free concert and waited for her to buy him another ticket... oh, wait. Well, then he asked her to a fancy restaurant so he could get more free... oh, wait, he paid his share of cheap fast-food.
He sounds inconsiderate and/or forgetful for not offering to pay her back for the movie ticket, yes, but none of his later behavior indicates he was deliberately using her for free stuff. One incident does not a pattern make.
In the OP's situation, I wouldn't give it a second thought. When I go on a date I am prepared to pay the whole thing, pay my half, or pay nothing depending on the man. Things like this are different for everyone and in this day and age you never know if the person you are dating is more traditional or not. I've split bills although the vast majority of the time the man insists on paying (so far haven't run into a man who expects me to pay the whole bill when I go out on a date... but I am prepared for it).
If I liked the guy, I would go on a second date with him.
This is something that puzzles me too. What exactly does dating have to do with equal rights or being a full citizen? In government and at the workplace gender, race, sexual orientation, etc should be grayed. People should be rewarded, judged, etc by their character and not whatever nature dealt them.
But dating is different. When dating, mating, etc the WHOLE point is the difference between the sexes (at least with heterosexual relationships). You emphasize the differences and it's the differences that attract us. That's why women try to look pretty and men handsome... you don't see men trying to look dainty and demure or women showing off their physical strength to attract the opposite sex.
Yes, this!
Traditionally men showed they could "provide" for a family in courtship and I think that's where the paying on the date thing comes from. Although I think those lines are fading because women are catching up to men in earning power. That's why you should be prepared for anything in regards to paying for a date. It's a gray area now and you have to find out where the other person stands on it. To me, it's a minor thing and I can go either way. For some, there is a strong feeling about it. It's just another way to weed out people who aren't on the same page as you and connect with those who are.
While I am gray on the paying thing (as well as the asking out thing), but overall I tend to be more traditional when it comes to gender roles... which means, yes, I like the man to do traditionally masculine things (like being the "leader" in the relationship) and I like to do traditional feminine things (like being his support... so to speak). But that doesn't mean I want to give up my right to vote, work, inherit property, be treated as an adult and not a child by society, etc.
Exactly!!
And you know, I too have noticed the odd trend of a handful of men in this forum saying in one thread they hate feminists, etc but in another thread expecting women to take on what's traditionally a masculine role. It's like they don't know what they want (or they want a woman with multiple personality disorder! lol).
Yes again! They say they would love the kind of woman who will wear the sexy maid outfit or massage their feet while they're watching Star Trek, but that kind of feminine woman (like me) wants a masculine man who takes care of things. They insist their dates become "equals" in the relationship, refuse to take the lead role and then later complain that she's not feminine enough. Men give by providing and protecting (and paying sends the signal of showing you're protecting and taking care of her). Women give by nurturing, cooking you dinner (later, not in early courting) surprising you with brownies for no reason, taking care of you when you're sick....that's the way nature made us and it is not contradictory to be attracted to that dynamic while also wanting equal rights as a human being and citizen of the U.S. and the world.
Please note guys that I am only talking about courtship here, not a LTR. If I were living with a guy of course I would pay an equal percentage of living expenses.
Me too and have stated as such. What I don't like is when a man asks me out then expects me to pay, especially if paying for him. It's tacky and low class.
Yes again! They say they would love the kind of woman who will wear the sexy maid outfit or massage their feet while they're watching Star Trek, but that kind of feminine woman (like me) wants a masculine man who takes care of things. They insist their dates become "equals" in the relationship, refuse to take the lead role and then later complain that she's not feminine enough. Men give by providing and protecting (and paying sends the signal of showing you're protecting and taking care of her). Women give by nurturing, cooking you dinner (later, not in early courting) surprising you with brownies for no reason, taking care of you when you're sick....that's the way nature made us and it is not contradictory to be attracted to that dynamic while also wanting equal rights as a human being and citizen of the U.S. and the world.
Please note guys that I am only talking about courtship here, not a LTR. If I were living with a guy of course I would pay an equal percentage of living expenses.
Not all women want that relationship. I don't need a man to protect me and my boyfriend is more nurturing than me. If a woman wants that relationship she needs to play the part, such as waiting for a man to ask her out and then pay.
Me too and have stated as such. What I don't like is when a man asks me out then expects me to pay, especially if paying for him. It's tacky and low class.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
Exactly. If I were to ask a man out, I would pay. If a man asks me out, I assume he's planning to pay for it, but I do at least offer to pay my share.
So how many times have you asked a guy out vs a guy asking you out?
Yes, and then the crafty scoundrel paid for his part of the meal later in the eve... Hmmm. Well, then he invited her out to a free concert and waited for her to buy him another ticket... oh, wait. Well, then he asked her to a fancy restaurant so he could get more free... oh, wait, he paid his share of cheap fast-food.
He's definitely a manipulative mastermind, bent on conquering the women of the world one at a time through free movies and meals at Wendy's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
Yes again! They say they would love the kind of woman who will wear the sexy maid outfit or massage their feet while they're watching Star Trek, but that kind of feminine woman (like me) wants a masculine man who takes care of things. They insist their dates become "equals" in the relationship, refuse to take the lead role and then later complain that she's not feminine enough. Men give by providing and protecting (and paying sends the signal of showing you're protecting and taking care of her). Women give by nurturing, cooking you dinner (later, not in early courting) surprising you with brownies for no reason, taking care of you when you're sick....that's the way nature made us and it is not contradictory to be attracted to that dynamic while also wanting equal rights as a human being and citizen of the U.S. and the world.
Please note guys that I am only talking about courtship here, not a LTR. If I were living with a guy of course I would pay an equal percentage of living expenses.
Usually when people talk out of both sides of their mouth, they don't do it in the same post.
Not all women want that relationship. I don't need a man to protect me and my boyfriend is more nurturing than me. If a woman wants that relationship she needs to play the part, such as waiting for a man to ask her out and then pay.
Can't stress the underlined enough. Personally, I'm for a more "modernized" relationship, where we're both doing our share in every department, whether it's "nurturing", "providing", or whatever label you want to use. But if one is the kind of person that expects a more "old-fashioned" relationship, they need to hold up their end of it or they're ridiculously hypocritical.
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