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Me and my boyfriend spend some time everyday (about 2 hrs) reading about topics that interests us and unfortunately we do not have shared interests in topics that we read about. I generally like to read or watch about science and space while he likes to read about current news and sports etc. So I thought why not spend a small portion of our time maybe (about 30 mins) twice per week in talking about the subjects that we generally find interesting so as to broaden our horizon and engage in a fun and interesting couple activity. However, my boyfriend was totally against it and refused to partake in this. He mentioned that he was not interested in the topics that I read about and it would bore him to death. He indicated that couples don't have to do everything together and I don't have force him to sit through something that he was not really into. However I only wanted to share what I find interesting with him and learn more about what he reads everyday. Am I asking for too much or is my boyfriend being selfish in the relationship by not being flexible? Please advise.
Me and my boyfriend spend some time everyday (about 2 hrs) reading about topics that interests us and unfortunately we do not have shared interests in topics that we read about. I generally like to read or watch about science and space while he likes to read about current news and sports etc. So I thought why not spend a small portion of our time maybe (about 30 mins) twice per week in talking about the subjects that we generally find interesting so as to broaden our horizon and engage in a fun and interesting couple activity. However, my boyfriend was totally against it and refused to partake in this. He mentioned that he was not interested in the topics that I read about and it would bore him to death. He indicated that couples don't have to do everything together and I don't have force him to sit through something that he was not really into. However I only wanted to share what I find interesting with him and learn more about what he reads everyday. Am I asking for too much or is my boyfriend being selfish in the relationship by not being flexible? Please advise.
Me and my boyfriend spend some time everyday (about 2 hrs) reading about topics that interests us and unfortunately we do not have shared interests in topics that we read about. I generally like to read or watch about science and space while he likes to read about current news and sports etc. So I thought why not spend a small portion of our time maybe (about 30 mins) twice per week in talking about the subjects that we generally find interesting so as to broaden our horizon and engage in a fun and interesting couple activity. However, my boyfriend was totally against it and refused to partake in this. He mentioned that he was not interested in the topics that I read about and it would bore him to death. He indicated that couples don't have to do everything together and I don't have force him to sit through something that he was not really into. However I only wanted to share what I find interesting with him and learn more about what he reads everyday. Am I asking for too much or is my boyfriend being selfish in the relationship by not being flexible? Please advise.
I think what you are trying to do is admirable. But you really can't force someone to do something they have no interest in. As long as you are compatible in most other ways, it's fine. You can still take an interest in what he likes and see if it works for you. If he doesn't want to do that either, it could be a personal space issue (which is OK) or selfishness. It's hard to say without knowing you both. You really have to make that determination.
Maybe he feels you're trying to change him and resents that?
On the other hand, when a guys into the girl he's dating, he starts to pick up her interests out of curiosity, but that usually happens without expectations.
People dislike demands being placed over them. He needs to do whatever he wants from his heart.
Perhaps the issue is more than just about reading? I wonder if you're frustrated because you feel he could try harder to reassure you more? Or something is missing in the relationship? Not sure.
It does sounds a little disrespectful that he can't talk for 30 minutes about something that's important to you. Have we all really become so self absorbed that we can't be bothered to show interest in things that are important to our SOs and possibly learn something in the process?
Meh. Every once in awhile husband and son try to engage me in topic of video games, which they both enjoy. My defense mechanism is EXTREME engagement in order to accurately reflect my disinterest:
OMG!!! I WAS WONDERING WHY THEY DID NOT HAVE ASSASSIN'S CREED IN OPEN PLATFORM!!!! I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THAT LAST NIGHT AND I ACTUALLY LOST SOME SLEEP OVER IT!!!! I'M TIRED. CAN YOU VACUUM THE HOUSE TODAY?!
That usually garner's me a couple looks, but they leave me alone.
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My wife comes from a physiatrics background. She wants to engage me on topics that deal with it, I have little to no interests or a real depth of knowledge to carry on conversations dealing with the topic....but I know it's important to her to share her interests with me so I listen.
If there are times where my mind is just not "all there" I tell her so we can revisit it later.
It's important to keep perspective in these moments, Five minutes hearing her out won't kill me. If I really can't listen or have just too much going on in my mind to engage topics that don't immediately grab my attention i just let it be known that I'm not really in the headspace to fully engage her and if she proceeds I might come off a little insensitive.
It's more about sharing the Enthusiasm than being interested in the topic for me. I know nadda about what she is saying, but her enthusiasm and drive for it make me smile at the end of the day. I love passionate people
It's something your SO has to realize or it just won't go anywhere.
Personally, if I where you I wouldn't push the issue. It will do the oppisate of what you want. He has already told you he doesn't want to listen to things he finds boring
Last edited by rego00123; 07-13-2014 at 12:00 PM..
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