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I just got off the phone with my sister. We had been discussing LDRs in which communication is basically limited to emails/texts/phone calls. Neither of us understands why a person would have these extended conversations if they didn't have any meaning.
Is it just entertainment?
Don't people have some sort of attachment to each other?
We also agree that men and women can't be "just friends". Let's use Bob and Sara as examples.
If Bob and Sara are in some form of communication, and Bob starts going out with Jane, why would he ask Sara to remain friends?
What would Sara have that Jane could not provide?
What would he say to Sara that he couldn't/wouldn't say to Jane?
If he can't get emotional support from Jane, why would he be with her?
Or does he want to remain friends with Sara in case Jane doesn't work out?
Then, we talked about online dating sites. She knows a man and woman that met online, were together for 18 years and when she wanted to move to CA to be closer to her family, he didn't. Now, he regrets the breakup.
Neither of us knows how to avoid creeps online. Both of us agreed that you can get creeps IRL as well. I just keep hoping that someone who knows me also knows a good guy, so that I can avoid the creeps.
Perhaps you and your sister can't have friends of the opposite sex - but that doesn't mean that it's not possible for other people. Do you have more than one friend? Doesn't your one friend provide everything that you need in a friend? Why do you need more?
In terms of LDR's - I don't really understand the question.
There are several questions here, and the answers are relative to the situations:
1. LDR depend on different factors. Were they together locally, then one had to temporarily move? Were they always LDR?
- I have known LDR to continue in situations where the 2 people knew each other locally, then one had to move for school. They maintained because they knew it was a short term inconvenience, and BOTH were dedicated to the survival of the relationship.
- I have also known of LDR that was international. They met at Location A, she lived at Location A and he was from Location B. They both invested to continue the relationship with traveling.
Summary: If 2 people are determined that this person is the right fit for them, they will take any means necessary to continue the relationship. So, there is no "meaningless" if 2 people are obviously willing and wanting to invest.
2. LDR of 2 people that have never met - I consider these as "working" because the 2 parties find some common ground with a person that they relate to that is not part of their real life. Whether it be due to mental issues, social awkwardness or some other variable that connects these people... they are both seeking something LD that they can't find locally. People like to "fill" voids, and sometimes just having a person out there to talk to is enough to fill whatever void that person has - is that entertainment? Maybe. As they continue to progress, there is an attachment that grows. If you trust a person with personal information about yourself, then that cultivates a certain level of attachment to that personality.
- I know of a WoW connection between 2 people that had never met, only played together interstate. It eventually lead to him leaving his wife (and children I think) to move closer to her, and then they ultimately got married. I have my opinion about this, but it is their lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis
Neither of us knows how to avoid creeps online. Both of us agreed that you can get creeps IRL as well. I just keep hoping that someone who knows me also knows a good guy, so that I can avoid the creeps.
This is the story of my life. Logically, I know I can meet a creeper or unstable person from any avenue in life, so I'm not sure why I associate OLD with having a higher probability. Maybe because we have heard so much about Craigslist being an avenue for murderers and Christian Mingle for rapers?
A lot of time, I think "staying friends" means "staying friendly." It just means parting on cordial terms, not bashing the other person socially, being friendly when encountering one another. It usually doesn't mean continuing to have much of a relationship. There might be something short-term out of habit (saying hi on Facebook or over text, for instance), but it will naturally fizzle out.
A lot of time, I think "staying friends" means "staying friendly." It just means parting on cordial terms, not bashing the other person socially, being friendly when encountering one another. It usually doesn't mean continuing to have much of a relationship. There might be something short-term out of habit (saying hi on Facebook or over text, for instance), but it will naturally fizzle out.
You got it JustJulia. That's really what staying friends truly means, staying friendly.
LDR's suck... plain and simple, at least in terms of romantic relationships.
I have a female friend that I've known a few yrs and trust me, we're just friends, I couldn't imagine being intimate with her, she's my sister from another mother..........
LDR need goals just like any type of relationship does. There needs to be a common end to produce a need for it to exists. Most fizzle when they remain stagnate because there is no direction.
It hasn't been in my experiance that opposite sex friendships (close friendships not just being friendly) can remain that way.
It's not impossible given certain circumstance, but "in general" no, it hasn't been my experiance.
I can say "I don't have any interest in her" but I am only one side of the coin. My side doesn't negate the others thoughts and intentions.
Unless I am just hot **** and drive the ladies crazy (ps I'm not all THAT great) my personal history has shown me it's very rare that close friendships can remain "purely" plutonic without some prior history or circumstance already established.
Last edited by rego00123; 07-12-2014 at 10:35 AM..
Reason: Clarity.
LDR need goals just like any type of relationship does. There needs to be a common end to produce a need for it to exists. Most fizzle when they remain stagnate because there is no direction.
It hasn't been in my experiance that opposite sex friendships (close friendships not just being friendly) can remain that way.
It's not impossible given certain circumstance, but "in general" no, it hasn't been my experiance.
I can say "I don't have any interest in her" but I am only one side of the coin. My side doesn't negate the others thoughts and intentions.
Unless I am just hot **** and drive the ladies crazy (ps I'm not THAT great) my personal history has shown it's very rare that friendships can remain plutonic without that road already ventured down and worn
I have never heard (from people I know personally) of anyone being opposite-sex friends and someone not getting hurt.
For example, I went to dinner with a friend/former co-worker the other night. She has been looking for a long-term relationship. She was telling me how she spent time communicating with a guy, he had been calling her endearments and pet names, they would talk about seeing each other, etc. Then he ups and finds someone else. She said, "I didn't even realize he had the TIME!" So, is that considered stringing her along? I don't understand why a person would invest time when they aren't interested.
Maybe it IS only entertainment. Good grief, being single is scary and weird.
Soooo . . . what's a person to do???? When a guy calls you, "Sugar Pie" (or whatever), does a woman then have to ask a slew of questions?
"What exactly do you mean by 'Sugar Pie'?"
"Does that mean you are showing affection?"
"Does that mean you call everyone 'Sugar Pie'?"
And on and on.
I have never heard (from people I know personally) of anyone being opposite-sex friends and someone not getting hurt.
For example, I went to dinner with a friend/former co-worker the other night. She has been looking for a long-term relationship. She was telling me how she spent time communicating with a guy, he had been calling her endearments and pet names, they would talk about seeing each other, etc. Then he ups and finds someone else. She said, "I didn't even realize he had the TIME!" So, is that considered stringing her along? I don't understand why a person would invest time when they aren't interested.
Maybe it IS only entertainment. Good grief, being single is scary and weird.
Soooo . . . what's a person to do???? When a guy calls you, "Sugar Pie" (or whatever), does a woman then have to ask a slew of questions?
"What exactly do you mean by 'Sugar Pie'?"
"Does that mean you are showing affection?"
"Does that mean you call everyone 'Sugar Pie'?"
And on and on.
ARGH!!
I have friends of the opposite sex. One was my high school/college sweetheart. There is no attraction left at all. We are more like family. We all get together when we can. His wife and I get along really well and have done things by ourselves before. Nobody is getting hurt. We have been friends for years. Another friend of mine - we don't see each other that often since I moved out of the city - but we would occasionally meet up for drinks or dinner. There's no sexual tension between the two of us. He was single for a long time but now he's had a girlfriend for the past few years. She's really nice.
If you are friends with someone because you enjoy their company and have a good time with them - nobody gets hurt. If you are friends with someone but you are hoping for something more - you could get hurt.
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