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Some time ago, I discussed how my wife and I disagreed on relocating to her home state. I've explained time and again that I can't leave my job or resources to move some place where I don't know the people or the job market. She has told me that she was miserable here...
Well, she went back home. My emotions are very mixed - no more fighting and arguing (Good), but I'm feeling alone without her (Bad). She has told me that she loves me, and I love her too, but too many changes in our marriage. The intimacy, long gone. Counseling...what counseling? (She refused to go).
I just want for her to be happy; I believe that she is happy as she is back home with her family. But now I'm a basket case! I knew that the marriage would end (irreconcilable differences), but tonight, I feel remorseful.
Sorry you are going through this.
With intimacy long gone, you must have known the marriage was coming to an end. Her leaving brought the finality to the forefront... and that sucks.
Hang in there!
The end is so hard. It does sound like the normal, healthy grieving process. Those of us that have divorced can relate. Definitely feel free to get support here and reach out to your family and friends- they are so valuable as you go through this.
I don't understand the negativity in comments such as she is dead to you, and to not go easy on her- she is probably hurting just as much too. After my divorce with my ex we continued to talk sporadically about the demise of the relationship, what we did wrong and how we learned from our mistakes. It helped us put things in the proper perspective and was also a good form of support because who knows what you are going through better than someone going through it? Speaking with her may not be an option, it worked for me and my ex but I realize that is an enigma in many respects, but maybe speaking with other people in a similar situation or a support group will certainly speed up the healing process.
Just listen to your heart and know this is the end, but it also signals the beginning of something new. And that can be quite the adventure too.
The end is so hard. It does sound like the normal, healthy grieving process. Those of us that have divorced can relate. Definitely feel free to get support here and reach out to your family and friends- they are so valuable as you go through this.
I don't understand the negativity in comments such as she is dead to you, and to not go easy on her- she is probably hurting just as much too. After my divorce with my ex we continued to talk sporadically about the demise of the relationship, what we did wrong and how we learned from our mistakes. It helped us put things in the proper perspective and was also a good form of support because who knows what you are going through better than someone going through it? Speaking with her may not be an option, it worked for me and my ex but I realize that is an enigma in many respects, but maybe speaking with other people in a similar situation or a support group will certainly speed up the healing process.
Just listen to your heart and know this is the end, but it also signals the beginning of something new. And that can be quite the adventure too.
Some time ago, I discussed how my wife and I disagreed on relocating to her home state. I've explained time and again that I can't leave my job or resources to move some place where I don't know the people or the job market. She has told me that she was miserable here...
Well, she went back home. My emotions are very mixed - no more fighting and arguing (Good), but I'm feeling alone without her (Bad). She has told me that she loves me, and I love her too, but too many changes in our marriage. The intimacy, long gone. Counseling...what counseling? (She refused to go).
I just want for her to be happy; I believe that she is happy as she is back home with her family. But now I'm a basket case! I knew that the marriage would end (irreconcilable differences), but tonight, I feel remorseful.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Hugs to you.
As a side note, I'd wonder why she refused counseling. Usually it either means she wants the marriage to end, or, she doesn't, but subconsciously fears that by attending counseling, she would be forced to admit that she has done wrong.
As a side note, I'd wonder why she refused counseling. Usually it either means she wants the marriage to end, or, she doesn't, but subconsciously fears that by attending counseling, she would be forced to admit that she has done wrong.
Or maybe HE had done something wrong. OR maybe she knew counseling would be a waste of time, for whatever reason.
We don't know - or need to know - the gory details. But blaming the wife is an assumption. All we do know is that she is gone after zero intimacy for a long time....
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,331,793 times
Reputation: 13476
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24
Some time ago, I discussed how my wife and I disagreed on relocating to her home state. I've explained time and again that I can't leave my job or resources to move some place where I don't know the people or the job market. She has told me that she was miserable here...
Well, she went back home. My emotions are very mixed - no more fighting and arguing (Good), but I'm feeling alone without her (Bad). She has told me that she loves me, and I love her too, but too many changes in our marriage. The intimacy, long gone. Counseling...what counseling? (She refused to go).
I just want for her to be happy; I believe that she is happy as she is back home with her family. But now I'm a basket case! I knew that the marriage would end (irreconcilable differences), but tonight, I feel remorseful.
Holy crap, your situation sounds just like mine with my ex-wife in '08. Now for the rest of the story, I left our house and my job to move and be with her. She was never the same towards me, and our intimacy slowly evaporated. One year later she asked for a divorce. Please consider yourself before giving up all you have, because for me it was absolutely not worth it.
You chose your job over your marriage? Is your job really more important to you than your wife? You can always find another job...but a wife can be hard to come by. Think about it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance
You chose your job over your marriage? Is your job really more important to you than your wife? You can always find another job...but a wife can be hard to come by. Think about it.
She chose that where she lived is more important than their marriage. What does that tell you?
She chose that where she lived is more important than their marriage. What does that tell you?
I dunno. But he says he "doesn't know the people or the job market" in her home town. Did he even make an effort to see what the job market was like and if he could live there?
Frankly, I like where I live, and I never want to move. But if I made a lifetime commitment to someone and they were miserable in my current area, I'd at least make a genuine effort to see if there was a way I could be happy and employed in an area where they would be happy.
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