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There is a quaint, very nice bar/family restaurant I visit a couple of times per week after work for dinner. I usually get there around 4:30, have a soda and something to eat and leave by 5:30 or 6:00. There are a couple of people who are "regulars" there at that hour as well and we will talk/socialize. One day, there was a gentleman (call him Joe) there I had seen before once or twice but never had spoken with. He is friends with and was talking with some of the other regulars there.
We all engaged in some conversation as a group and then it was time for me to leave. I asked for my bill and got up to leave. Joe turned to me and said, hey wait, can I convince you to stay for a while and motioned that he would buy me a drink. I said, thank you, just the same, but I really do have to run. He said, aw, that's too bad, but I want to tell you're a beautiful woman and that I love your white skin. He was referencing that I am very light skinned -- I am Irish, red hair, blue eyes and all. I smiled,thanked him and I said good night to everyone and went on my way.
Well, it so happened that I went there for dinner again the following day, and Joe was there as well. I sat down across the bar and ordered my meal. We exchanged glances and I smiled. A few minutes later, he came over and sat down next to me.
Long story, short, we stayed and talked through the evening, listening to the live band that came on. He eventually turned to me and said, I'm having a great time, I'd really like to see you again. Neither of us had stayed here so long in the past for any reason. I said, I'm enjoying myself as well and I'd like it if you called me. He had been telling me about his weekend plans and that his commute to and/from work makes it difficult to plan things sometimes.
So, we decide it's getting late and we leave. He walks me to my car, takes my number, we gave a quick hug and said good night.
The weekend comes and goes, Tuesday night he calls me. He said, hi, it's Joe and started to remind me who he was. I said, of course, I remember you, I had a very nice evening talking with you. Then we talked about our weekends and kept the call short.
This is the odd thing . . . at the end he said, well, I'll see you at ______'s soon I hope. With my schedule I never know when I'll be there. So, I said, well, if you call me on your way home and are going to stop there, I'll will meet you there if I can.
Now for the question Why, after he said he wanted to see me again, took my number, and called, didn't he make a concrete plan to get together and kinda was leaving it to chance again? I took the initiative to at least suggest calling and arranging it on the fly, if you will, for now at least, in case he was just being shy or feeling me out. But, if this becomes the pattern, I'll have to bail.
Although at first glance he seems like he has confidence, the way he called, and felt he had to remind you who he was, is a little strange. Perhaps, he is just a little awkward, and unsure of your intentions. He sounds like he isn't sure, so he is feeling out the situation. Maybe he was rejected by a woman recently, who appeared to have interest in him, so he is being cautious. If you are a higher grade of woman, he is used to dating, he may be a little intimidated....who knows, to me you had the green light flashing for a date
Thank you for you input. I agree, I have the green light. I guess I'm really just testing my assessment of him in terms of whether he is being shy or cautious vs wishy washy. Now that I've written it out here, I think you/I are correct, he's likely a little intimidated (I go there after work in a suit. I am a business manager, and he's there in jeans and t-shirt, works for road department). I didn't want to further intimidate him by coming on too strong in suggesting how to get together. When he calls to meet him there, I"ll be dressed casually
Quick update . . . he just texted me to ask how my day was going. I said I am having a very good day. I came out and asked him why he thought he needed to remind me of who he was. He said, "sweetie, in my mind, I imagine that there were 10 guys trying to talk to you " I said, "even if that were the case, you're the one that got my number. Hope to see you soon."
Thank you for you input. I agree, I have the green light. I guess I'm really just testing my assessment of him in terms of whether he is being shy or cautious vs wishy washy. Now that I've written it out here, I think you/I are correct, he's likely a little intimidated (I go there after work in a suit. I am a business manager, and he's there in jeans and t-shirt, works for road department). I didn't want to further intimidate him by coming on too strong in suggesting how to get together. When he calls to meet him there, I"ll be dressed casually
I date mostly blue-collar guys even though my job is white collar and I've got a pretty good education. That preference is based on my family background and the fact that I like being balanced by my partner (as in, I don't want to date my twin). It can sometimes be a tricky dance in those early stages.
Is there an event or festival of some kind that you would like to go to over the weekend? Maybe call him and ask him to go - tell him you're excited to go, but it would be more fun with someone to join you. For myself, I like carnivals, street festivals, state fairs, car shows, public art shows, bluegrass and metal festivals, etc. Heck, one of my most fun dates was with a construction worker who took me on a daylong drive through the Jersey pines, stopping at roadside dives and obscure cemetaries and historical locations.
He may want to ask you out, but he may be at a loss as to what you would enjoy beyond whatever you have already spoken about. He may need more than just a greenlight right at the beginning.
It sounds like he's at a stage I was right before I met my wife. Trying very hard to "come out of his shell", gain some confidence, etc. and is about halfway there.
He probably felt more comfortable at the restaurant, since he'd seen you a couple times there, was familiar with the surroundings, etc.
It's also possible he's actually very captivated by your beauty - sounds corny but it does happen to us sometimes - we think, especially us who have some confidence issues, "she's so beautiful, she can't possibly remember/like/want a guy like me" - even if we're overcoming that, those thoughts creep up, at least a little.
Sounds like you're giving him a chance and that's a good thing.
You could - if you want - try asking HIM on a specific date. I bet he'll accept if you work with him on the timing...but his "busy" schedule may be something of a crutch to help him gather his confidence before asking you out.
You and I are of the same cloth it appears I like your idea and may implement that approach after we meet again as I suggested earlier. I know he already has plans for this coming weekend because he told me about those plans the first night. I will be able to ask some subtle questions to gauge where "he's" at. My earlier suggestion may have been just enough for him to be able to take the lead with confidence that I am genuinely interested, and I am. I am drawn to the more rugged kind of man who has a soft underbelly. Joe seems to be that type. I am pretty skilled at "hearing" what a guy is made of very early. Sometimes there's a little curve ball, but generally, I'm spot on. The whole dating thing is a process, not an event, and you need to be flexible when you can. Thanks again for your replies.
Thanks for your reply as well. Joe does indeed have a difficult work schedule. He works for the road department and commutes to the city so it's about an hour for him and doesn't get back to our neck of woods sometimes until 8 or so and I can imagine that he is often very tired. So, I will "work" with him a little and try to accommodate his schedule and allow him some room to feel comfortable about my level of interest. I am sure he will then come to the more formal date arrangement. Based on what he told me the first night, I've been able to determine that he is a kind soul and seems to be very gentle. His demeanor was not forced or rehearsed. He could look me in the eye when he spoke and did not give off any "tells".
Mind you, if it were another man who did not have the kind of work situation Joe has, I would not buy the "busy schedule" excuse. All too often, that's more about back burner issues than a confidence issue.
It sounds odd to me that he says he can't schedule anything in his life. It's clear when he gets off from work, so what are his evenings filled with? I think he's only interested in you as a buddy to hang out with and admire at the bar, and that he probably has a wife at home. You say, he has long work days and doesn't get back to the neighborhood until 8 pm? What about weekends? Why hasn't he made plans to see you on a weekend afternoon?
He *might* be married, there is that chance, but his behavior is also similar to someone trying to build confidence.
R4T does bring up a good point so be a bit aware - but see what happens.
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Why, after he said he wanted to see me again, took my number, and called, didn't he make a concrete plan to get together and kinda was leaving it to chance again? I took the initiative to at least suggest calling and arranging it on the fly, if you will, for now at least, in case he was just being shy or feeling me out. But, if this becomes the pattern, I'll have to bail. 
