Making hasty decision after a traumatic death/loss (wife, girlfriend, marry)

[dreamofmonterey]

Has anyone else been through this?. And how did you deal with it.

[johnycakes]

My rule of thumb: limit myself to one major change per year, if at all possible. A "traumatic death/loss" could qualify as one such major change if the person was very close to me. In that case, I would try to defer any more major changes for a while, if feasible. Otherwise, I would be sure to get a sanity check from a trusted friend or friends before forging ahead with any other big decisions that could also qualify as a second major change within that timeframe.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey

Has anyone else been through this?. And how did you deal with it.

Yes, I have. DO NOT DO IT!!!

[ontheroad]

johnycakes makes good sense.

Have I entered into hasty decisions in a relationship after a traumatic loss: yes.

Was it a mistake: yes.

Would I do it again: no.

[dreamofmonterey]

Originally Posted by johnycakes

My rule of thumb: limit myself to one major change per year, if at all possible. A "traumatic death/loss" could qualify as one such major change if the person was very close to me. In that case, I would try to defer any more major changes for a while, if feasible. Otherwise, I would be sure to get a sanity check from a trusted friend or friends before forging ahead with any other big decisions that could also qualify as a second major change within that timeframe.

Yes- some distant relative told me that at the funeral. It is very true. Also- My Mom's favorite saying- marry in haste, repent in leisure..

[kaykay]

Originally Posted by ontheroad

johnycakes makes good sense.

Have I entered into hasty decisions in a relationship after a traumatic loss: yes.

Was it a mistake: yes.

Would I do it again: no.

Ditto here. on all counts.
Unfortunately, it seems like that some losses/deaths necessitate making some decisions before we may be ready to do so. It's best to take things slow if you can regarding any major decisions.

[songinthewind7]

My sister in law told me after my husband passed away to not make any major decisions for about a year.
I was thinking about moving and I'm glad I waited a couple of years instead of doing it instantly.

[Pragmaniac]

Originally Posted by johnycakes

My rule of thumb: limit myself to one major change per year, if at all possible. A "traumatic death/loss" could qualify as one such major change if the person was very close to me. In that case, I would try to defer any more major changes for a while, if feasible. Otherwise, I would be sure to get a sanity check from a trusted friend or friends before forging ahead with any other big decisions that could also qualify as a second major change within that timeframe.

I think this is a good rule-of-thumb. The problem is keeping your head clear enough to exercise this rule-of-thumb. I have had terrible loses, but not specifically a girlfriend/wife/partner, which IS different. But my sister, father, and brother all died separate, sudden, unexpected deaths. Besides the grieving, a major effect was that I was in a haze for a good deal of time after losing each. The haze may not allow for rational decision making. Johnycakes is right, if you can lean on trusted friends or relatives for the sanity checks, do it. They may help you see things you are just not able to.

[Roaddog]

Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey

Has anyone else been through this?. And how did you deal with it.

It's a common thing, it's best to ask someone to help you, someone who is calm.
I've been through it but I had family members that helped out, later after you have calmed down there will be things you would have done differant but thats just what happens in these situations. Just remember you did what you thought was the best in a difficult situation.

[5FLgirls]

We made a major life change after the death of my father--we sold our home, belongings (not memorabilia), cars and began again in a new state. We don't regret it at all. It would have been too difficult to live with all the memories surrounding us. Although it worked out for my mother and me (I was in my early 20s at the time--just graduated from college), it didn't work out quite so well for my teenage brother. Wish we could have figured something else out for him.