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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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We have so very many of these "how long" questions. How long until we should have the talk about where it is going. How long should I wait until we have sex. How long should I court the woman. How long blah blah blah...
Isn't it obvious that there isn't one answer? There is no answer. One size doesn't fit all, the relationship will evolve as it does and going with the flow is where the joy is. Each person and each connection with a new person is a unique event. That is why connections are so awesome. They're all new.
European and everything has been balanced where you live in rearguards to dating... then an American woman comes around and now you want to start paying for everything, Lol
I'm European and around where I live, we do not have a courtship phase that is typical for American dating. Pretty much everything from paying for dates to gift giving is in turns and pretty balanced.
Personally, I like to be a gentleman and pay for everything. But if you're a guy and you try to always pay for dates or treat her like a princess, the great majority of women around here won't let you! Most people around here see this balanced approach as positive, but I don't really, I always wanted to 'court' a girl in an old-fashioned way and treat her like a lady.
Anyway, 4 months ago, I met an amazing American girl who lives here and we both felt mutual attraction from the get go. We've been dating since then, and I took this opportunity to court her 'the American way.' I'm happily paying for everything, as a gentleman is supposed to do. I've never let her pay. I'm always opening doors for her and helping her into her jacket. I'm showering her with gifts. I spoil her and treat her like a princess and she enjoys it a lot. And to be honest, I'm loving it, too. It's so much more fun than what I'm used to.
I would like to continue this for at least another 6-12 months, if not forever, but I don't want her to think I'm weird for doing so.
So, this question is especially for the (American) women:
How long should the courtship phase last?
Is it something you enjoy a lot or do you rather prefer a more egalitarian approach to dating where you're taking turns and share the costs equally?
Would you feel weird if the guy wants to continue to court you, and always pay for you, and treat you like a special lady?
Sorry if my questions sound naive... different cultures, you know.
Thank you!
You sound wonderful!
I love an old fashioned chivalrous guy who always pays. I would let you always pay.
It's very hard to find to find a guy to do this There are so many jerks out there.
Your girl is lucky to have you.
European and everything has been balanced where you live in rearguards to dating... then an American woman comes around and now you want to start paying for everything, Lol
^^^^
Although I will say I briefly dated a guy who was like this, and it's nice to be treated well, but there is nothing flattering about being showered with gifts. It's over-the-top, unbalanced, and felt like he was needy and trying to buy my affection. No thanks.
European and everything has been balanced where you live in rearguards to dating... then an American woman comes around and now you want to start paying for everything, Lol
Haha, the way you put it makes it sound ridiculous but that's not how I meant it. I wanted to say that I always - even before I met her - wanted to be like this, generous and gentleman-like, it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling to take care of a woman.
But people around here think you're weird if you try. We're all the same, egalitarian if you will. No woman needs to be taken care of, she can take of herself. Some local women even find this thought insulting. The only type of girls around here that would let you do this are gold diggers. No thanks. Chances are you end up with someone who is out for your money and that's definitely not what I want.
From my limited experience, this type of traditional courting is still much more alive in American dating culture. I might be stereotyping here, but IMHO many American women are still being raised with that traditional mindset that the man is supposed to treat her to everything.
In other words, I feel like an American woman is more likely to accept my behavior as a gesture of chivalry, and not as an opportunity to save cash or use me as a walking ATM. If a local woman lets you always pay for dates, 9 times out of 10, she's a gold digger. Simply because almost no one is still raised this way here. If an American woman lets you always pay for dates, she's more likely just old-fashioned with the best of intentions. It's just the way she was raised, she probably doesn't have any ulterior motive.
That is why I feel more comfortable treating her that way than I would be with any of the girls I met before.
You sound wonderful!
I love an old fashioned chivalrous guy who always pays. I would let you always pay.
It's very hard to find to find a guy to do this There are so many jerks out there.
Your girl is lucky to have you.
Oh, thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate that.
I guess you were raised in a more traditional way, then?
But people around here think you're weird if you try. We're all the same,
egalitarian if you will. No woman needs to be taken care of, she can take of
herself. Some local women even find this thought insulting. The only type of
girls around here that would let you do this are gold diggers. No thanks.
Chances are you end up with someone who is out for your money and that's
definitely not what I want.
Sorry, I don't believe that. Sure it is more common for women to pay for dates than it is here but to say it is the rule that you are all the same, Im not buying.
I'm curious as to why? Have Europeans not experienced the gender job discrimination and wage discrepancies that the US did that allowed women to be financially dependent for so long or been brought up to believe women are week, helpless and childlike? Or why is Europe so far ahead of us in their dating culture?
Quote:
From my limited experience, this type of traditional courting is still much more
alive in American dating culture. I might be stereotyping here, but IMHO many
American women are still being raised with that traditional mindset that the man
is supposed to treat her to everything.
Is the European mindset still traditional when It comes to other gender roles such as parenting and domestic responsibilities?
Quote:
In other words, I feel like an American woman is more likely to accept my
behavior as a gesture of chivalry, and not as an opportunity to save cash or use
me as a walking ATM.
Yes I would think that someone raised in a particular culture would be more comfortable and accepting of their own cultural ways.
OP, if oyu are doing this just to impress, forget it. women around the world are generally not impressed by a guy that throws his money around.
however if you are doing this because you want to, and because you have strong feelings for the lady in question, then continue what you are doing, though you might taper off on the gift giving, but dont get to a point where you stop altogether, just not every date. you might though give her a little gift just because its tuesday.
Different for every girl. Some American women flat out don't like courtship. I love courtship and do want to be a princess and made to feel special, otherwise I just feel like I'm a friend.
Different for every girl. Some American women flat out don't like courtship. I love courtship and do want to be a princess and made to feel special, otherwise I just feel like I'm a friend.
I agree...but I was raised pretty traditionally and I also dated my husband more than 20yrs ago, so it seems times have changed since then.
He didn't always pay...I would chip in or foot the bill, especially when I was working and he wasn't (through college) but for the most part we are a pretty traditional couple. We prefer traditional roles in general, but there are things we will do that don't fit that mold as well.
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There are so many jerks out there.
