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I've talked to many women who have walked away from their abusers with nothing. Their credit tanked and they accumulated debt during these relationships. They were already convinced they were worthless during the relationship. When they walk away with nothing, bad credit and a ton of debt, they feel unmarketable in the dating arena.
How many of you men would take their circumstances into consideration and be willing to take a chance with one of these women? If so, why? If not, why?
For those of you who have taken a chance with one of these women, how did it turn out?
I'm posing this question to various people in various places for a project I'm working on so, please, please, please try and stay on topic. Thanks and eat your greens.
I would be more concerned with whether they've fully recovered emotionally than financially. Someone who just escaped a bad relationship probably isn't ready to get back into another one. As for the debt, people end up in debt for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they got sick and racked up expensive health care bills that they weren't able to pay off. So while a person's financial status does matter, it's important to look at context. Are they in debt because of circumstances they couldn't control? Or did they just spend too much trying to live a lifestyle they couldn't afford? We look at a person's past, in part, to predict their future behavior. Someone who spends too much is unlikely to change. But someone who lost everything because of a bad marriage or health care issues can't be held responsible for that. I have to admit, though, knowing that a person is in deep debt and has bad credit would be give me pause. Not because I see it as a character flaw, but simply because I would be worried the person might be looking for someone to help her. That's not to say I would flat out refuse to date such a person. I would simply be more cautious.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
I've talked to many women who have walked away from their abusers with nothing. Their credit tanked and they accumulated debt during these relationships. They were already convinced they were worthless during the relationship. When they walk away with nothing, bad credit and a ton of debt, they feel unmarketable in the dating arena.
How many of you men would take their circumstances into consideration and be willing to take a chance with one of these women? If so, why? If not, why?
For those of you who have taken a chance with one of these women, how did it turn out?
I'm posing this question to various people in various places for a project I'm working on so, please, please, please try and stay on topic. Thanks and eat your greens.
Call me heartless, but no. It would have little to do with the domestic violence but their financial state. I'm getting my financial self together. I think dating someone who is in even worse financial state than I am is going back to square one on that deal. Just no.
My husband (wasnt my husband then) took me right after an abusive relationship. I had nothing. The doodle even stole the cat litter box. We were both young so credit, money, etc really wasnt on our minds at the time. We made it work with help of family and got married that fall.
Emotionally I ready because i knew my husband was way more stable than the **** ever could be!
Call me heartless, but no. It would have little to do with the domestic violence but their financial state. I'm getting my financial self together. I think dating someone who is in even worse financial state than I am is going back to square one on that deal. Just no.
It's not heartless to want to preserve your financial well being.
I made that mistake with my now-ex-wife. I rescued her from an abusive marriage. I discovered that she still has emotional baggage and much as I tried to make things smooth for us, our marriage did not work (See the thread "Sitting here in tears"). It's really no one's fault...we just had our differences and decided to call it quits.
I made that mistake with my now-ex-wife. I rescued her from an abusive marriage. I discovered that she still has emotional baggage and much as I tried to make things smooth for us, our marriage did not work (See the thread "Sitting here in tears"). It's really no one's fault...we just had our differences and decided to call it quits.
Many of these people, men and women alike, have issues they need to work on before moving on to the next person, definitely. The trauma-bond is a hard one to break.
Call me heartless, but no. It would have little to do with the domestic violence but their financial state. I'm getting my financial self together. I think dating someone who is in even worse financial state than I am is going back to square one on that deal. Just no.
How does dating them affect your financial state? It's not like you're marrying them.
for dating, yes i would. if for no other reason than to help them get over the mental issues they would have developed during their abusive relationship, so that they know that they too can have a proper loving relationship that is beneficial to them as well as their prospective partner.
No, not until she got herself together--mentally and financially. Coming out of a domestic violent relationship isn't an amiable breakup and takes some time to recover.
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