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Everyone was so kind with their comments...for the most part. There was one person that I reacted badly to, and I think I'm having some major guilt about it. Whether he deserved to be hassled right back is irrelevant, I looked like as much as a jerk as he did. I should have just ignored him and focused on the positive.
I'm going to take all the advice and all the well meant comments. Thank you for that. I think this should be a good thing for everyone. That our genuine selves, comfortable self confident selves, is the true projection you want to give.
The person who would like me for myself is what I want, so, I'm going with that.
I think that this is enough of a reason to use this picture! It would weed out the people that you aren't interested in meeting!
Yes but the people she is interested in meeting, I'm assuming decent people, would have a hard time taking an long term positive interest. The quality that you are is the quality that you attract! With that being said, don't ever stop improving. The OP is not going to really improve with everyone else's egotistical insight.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
Once again - this poster seems to think that a woman not gaining or keeping his interest is some sort of punishment when in reality, it's quite the opposite.
It's not really hard to get a guy interested. Look pretty, as in, look like you take care of yourself in a feminine way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Good thing people have different opinions about what the top 20% are. Besides, if she did post pictures of herself with a lot of makeup and professionally styled hair, she'd get comments (probably from the same guys, no less) about how high-maintenance she is and how she obviously wants to be taken on expensive dates. They probably consider themselves top shelf too.
Make up should be used in moderation, like lip gloss, eye liner, and maybe mascara. Unless it's a special occasion, then more may be used. Professionally styled hair should be also used in special occasions. She should find a style that suits her best for everyday purposes. Most women just straighten their hair and let it hang, that's fine. Why is it fine? Because you took time to do it meaning you care about yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by foclampt
I will improve myself, thank you, but, it won't look like or be like the standard that you are implying. I have limited resources, unless of course, I find some suger daddy on my gold-digging expeditions who will help me pay for all of my perfect phony-ness.
Ugh. Really, frayzer, some of what you said was valuable and true and some of it was just plain mean.
The standards I'm implying are simply taking care of yourself by loving yourself. If you love yourself, it will shine through your personality and your body language. It is okay not to love yourself but it is NOT okay to hide and have other people justify why you're "imperfect." Nobodies perfect except in their OWN way, but that is to say ONLY if that individual is constantly or making an effort to improve him/herself.
I'm not trying to mean, it's the truth is what is so tough to handle. I speak for what everyone else cannot, whether it be on this section of the forum and or real life. Everything I told you was for YOUR improvement. Realization is key to improvement, because if you don't realize where you're messing up, how are you supposed to improve? The people here basically told you to be you but the you, right at this moment, is not good enough for even you. So now you're expecting someone else to "look passed this." This is not how life nor how dating works.
You need to be the best you can possibly be to fully enjoy life and its benefits. I can help you improve, but I cannot help you if you're not willing to learn. Improve and don't ever be satisfied.
Am I following this correctly? Foclampt sees herself as she really is and proclaims herself an awesome woman, but that is a sign of low self-esteem and not valuing herself. In order to really love herself, she needs to straighten her hair and wear makeup daily.
Yes but the people she is interested in meeting, I'm assuming decent people, would have a hard time taking an long term positive interest. The quality that you are is the quality that you attract! With that being said, don't ever stop improving. The OP is not going to really improve with everyone else's egotistical insight.
It's not really hard to get a guy interested. Look pretty, as in, look like you take care of yourself in a feminine way.
Make up should be used in moderation, like lip gloss, eye liner, and maybe mascara. Unless it's a special occasion, then more may be used. Professionally styled hair should be also used in special occasions. She should find a style that suits her best for everyday purposes. Most women just straighten their hair and let it hang, that's fine. Why is it fine? Because you took time to do it meaning you care about yourself.
The standards I'm implying are simply taking care of yourself by loving yourself. If you love yourself, it will shine through your personality and your body language. It is okay not to love yourself but it is NOT okay to hide and have other people justify why you're "imperfect." Nobodies perfect except in their OWN way, but that is to say ONLY if that individual is constantly or making an effort to improve him/herself.
I'm not trying to mean, it's the truth is what is so tough to handle. I speak for what everyone else cannot, whether it be on this section of the forum and or real life. Everything I told you was for YOUR improvement. Realization is key to improvement, because if you don't realize where you're messing up, how are you supposed to improve? The people here basically told you to be you but the you, right at this moment, is not good enough for even you. So now you're expecting someone else to "look passed this." This is not how life nor how dating works.
You need to be the best you can possibly be to fully enjoy life and its benefits. I can help you improve, but I cannot help you if you're not willing to learn. Improve and don't ever be satisfied.
You seem to think that you are a quality person - and she is not. She is a mother who enjoys spending time with her children, she's independent, she's proud of her accomplishments, she accepts herself for who she is - to me, that is quality. You, on the other hand, keep telling her that she isn't good enough, that she doesn't look good enough, that women should put out on the 3rd date or they aren't worth your time, that you are telling her what other's cannot (mostly because we don't agree with you)etc. I know you think that your advice is worth it's weight in gold but I think that you are not the type of person that she is looking for.
If you do online dating, you will have to have at least one photo for which you put on make-up and wear something nice, and post at least one full-length or nearly full-length shot to indicate what kind of figure you have. You have all of 3 seconds, if that, to catch someone's eye via your photos, and at the risk of sounding sexist, when it comes to looking at pictures on a computer, sorry, no, men are just not that deep. They aren't going to infer a whole lot about the story behind the photos you post. They will look at your face and figure and think "I'd tap that" or "no, thanks."
If you are the rare photogenic beauty who can take a fabulous photo outdoors doing what you love with no make-up on, then by all means, post it. But to be completely honest, unless they are bedraggled hippies that smell like patchouli and are still mourning the passing of Jerry Garcia, most men (at least the ones I know), want to know that you clean up well.
So if you're not comfortable posting a few photos of yourself looking pretty and girly, then don't do online dating, and stick to meeting men in the wild.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Am I following this correctly? Foclampt sees herself as she really is and proclaims herself an awesome woman, but that is a sign of low self-esteem and not valuing herself. In order to really love herself, she needs to straighten her hair and wear makeup daily.
Yeah, I'm not following. If there is any "issue" with the photo in her profile (if that is the one being discussed) than it is that it is backlit so it is hard to see. But for this forum, probably a good idea. For OLD, maybe slightly less so. Looks nice overall though, I mean that sincerely and non creepily.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
If you do online dating, you will have to have at least one photo for which you put on make-up and wear something nice
Can't agree with that at all. If a guy has to see someone in a little black dress with hair done and make up on to think "I'd tap that" or whatever first impulse you're trying to get at, then he's really a dolt. Guys that love good looking women, really love a good looking woman, can see a woman mountain biking with flecks of mud on her cheeks, or hiking the appalachian trail glistening on a hot day carrying a pack, and still SEE HER and her beauty and know it instantly, the eyes, the cheek bones, the aura... you know it, instantly, and automatically. Real beauty shines through.
You seem to think that you are a quality person - and she is not. She is a mother who enjoys spending time with her children, she's independent, she's proud of her accomplishments, she accepts herself for who she is - to me, that is quality. You, on the other hand, keep telling her that she isn't good enough, that she doesn't look good enough, that women should put out on the 3rd date or they aren't worth your time, that you are telling her what other's cannot (mostly because we don't agree with you)etc. I know you think that your advice is worth it's weight in gold but I think that you are not the type of person that she is looking for.
If she truly wishes to improve and expand her life, then stuff has to change. Just because she accepts something does not mean it will get positive results nor does it mean it's healthy. I'm not degrading her for taking care of her kids or doing what she has to do in order to survive, but she can live better than this- this whole thread is her asking for help. I remember I accepted myself for being a weak and needy nice guy, that got me nowhere. Serial killers also typically accept themselves, and guess what they tend to be in prison for murder.
The whole point of Self Improvement is to look at yourself in a different perspective that isn't your own, because usually it's clouded by your ego. Most people will tell you some bull about being "perfect" or "maybe it's them," but not me. I've been through, helped people through, and have seen people suffer because they remain ignorant. In fact I see them everywhere I go, and it saddens me that only a select few are willing to go that extra mile for true happiness. They would rather hide in the corner because they're afraid of getting hurt. The way she described herself is the picture I painted in words. Taking care of yourself is not that much to ask for, really.
But hey, I'm not here to force someone to live a certain way. You can live however you want, but I'd rather live a life of it being complete and full. When someone makes something like this I take it as a cry for help and I will help them. If they respond in negativity and generally ignorance, then they didn't really need help to begin with. They just wanted people to agree with them for the sake of their ego.
If she truly wishes to improve and expand her life, then stuff has to change. Just because she accepts something does not mean it will get positive results nor does it mean it's healthy. I'm not degrading her for taking care of her kids or doing what she has to do in order to survive, but she can live better than this- this whole thread is her asking for help. I remember I accepted myself for being a weak and needy nice guy, that got me nowhere. Serial killers also typically accept themselves, and guess what they tend to be in prison for murder.
The whole point of Self Improvement is to look at yourself in a different perspective that isn't your own, because usually it's clouded by your ego. Most people will tell you some bull about being "perfect" or "maybe it's them," but not me. I've been through, helped people through, and have seen people suffer because they remain ignorant. In fact I see them everywhere I go, and it saddens me that only a select few are willing to go that extra mile for true happiness. They would rather hide in the corner because they're afraid of getting hurt. The way she described herself is the picture I painted in words. Taking care of yourself is not that much to ask for, really.
But hey, I'm not here to force someone to live a certain way. You can live however you want, but I'd rather live a life of it being complete and full. When someone makes something like this I take it as a cry for help and I will help them. If they respond in negativity and generally ignorance, then they didn't really need help to begin with. They just wanted people to agree with them for the sake of their ego.
I think you might need to read the bolded. It will help you with your self improvement. It makes me sad to see someone who has no self awareness. I don't want to force you to take a look at yourself and make a change - but your post is like a cry for help.
Can't agree with that at all. If a guy has to see someone in a little black dress with hair done and make up on to think "I'd tap that" or whatever first impulse you're trying to get at, then he's really a dolt. Guys that love good looking women, really love a good looking woman, can see a woman mountain biking with flecks of mud on her cheeks, or hiking the appalachian trail glistening on a hot day carrying a pack, and still SEE HER and her beauty and know it instantly, the eyes, the cheek bones, the aura... you know it, instantly, and automatically. Real beauty shines through.
Not if that's all she shows. I'm not saying to post all glamor shots. Just that at least one of them should be girly, like she took some time on her appearance. The most interesting people--men and women--show themselves to be multi-faceted. If all you have is pictures of yourself all muddy or sweaty, you look like a one-trick pony. Online, that's not going to sell to anyone other than similarly muddy or sweaty people. If that's what you want, fine, but most people aren't so one-dimensional. If I click on a guy's photo and all I see are t-shirts and flip-flops, I click away.
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