Husband seems emotionally stuck. What can I do?

[Ellipses]

This is my ex husband to a T. I tried and tried to help alleviate his depression, lack of goals, laziness, his abuse etc. for 11 years. I offered support, went to counseling, and ended up so emotionally drained that I was seriously physically ill for a year- and no, he wasn't there for me, my family had to pitch in and drive me to and from the doctor while he watched tv, porn or played video games long into the night.

I found out the hard way that if your partner doesn't want to participate and try equally in the marriage there is nothing you can do to make it better. You can try for two people for only so long. Since you have children maybe your energy is best spent on them and on you.

In the end only you know what is right and what you are ready to do. Just know that you deserve a supportive partner that is part of a team.

[ellie]

Have the cable turned off and stop cooking for him.

EDIT: sell the TVs on Craigslist and move all your money to a separate account.

[loyalia]

Hello Everyone,

I am so touched to see so many people taking the time to let me know what they think and feel. Your input has helped me, and hopefully other people out here. I cried when I read the insights and was able to take a look at my life a little better. I realized I need to help myself and make my life better. I don't want to end up dealing with this again in the future. I made the decision to see a good therapist. Through him our family learned some really good things. It turns out, with my husband, your looking at the face of adult attention deficit disorder. He was never diagnosed as a child and many of the things I wrote are symptoms of this disorder. I will see how treatment goes for him and if I can have the marriage I want and need. It may still be more than I can handle, but I will at least see how things are after treatment. I also at least know my son has the same thing and am learning about what I can do to take care of him better.