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I met my husband when I was 18 and married at 19. He was almost ten years older then me, but nobody would have guessed, because we acted the same age. Our marriage seemed great for the first few years but over time I feel I have been growing up, and he hasn't. I am almost thirty now, and pregnant with our second child, and everything feels like it's falling apart.
He seems to have digressed, and to me he seems to act somewhere around 15. He's gone almost A YEAR WITHOUT A JOB. He doesn't take responsibility for anything I can think of. He doesn’t watch what he eats, exercise or set up or go to doctor or dentist visits. He doesn't take responsibility for our finances, our first child, our house, our yard, shopping, cleaning and working. He doesn't make goals for himself. I try to help him make goals occasionally and then when I ask him how he's doing or if he's worked towards anything he fights back like he's rebelling or something. Then when I back off he just watches TV for days on end.
He act like a friend, and not a father, to his six year old son but takes no responsibility for him, like feeding him or putting him to bed. He doesn’t make friends with adults and says there stiff and boring. He makes friends with kids eighteen and younger. And then they grow up and they are not longer fun anymore. He seems really freaked out by intimacy. He begs and pests for it but it seems like scary to him once things are going. He doesn't do adult romantic things even when I ask for them, like dates, flowers and gifts.
Talk about not holding open doors, he shoves his pregnant wife out of the way to get through doors first, (so embarrassing) and pushes his way in, to get things first like it's a competition. He's lazy and takes over space in the house and doesn't care how much he inconveniences other people. He stays up very late watching shows and doesn’t turn down the volume until I yell at him to turn it down because I have work early in the morning.
He has a very short temper. If I seem even annoyed at him he will start yelling at me. He is very messy and yells at me when I ask him to clean up after himself, like picking up shoes or dishes. When I tell him something upset me he gets angry and defensive and doesn't apologize, and he often does it again and again. He pests me and does annoying things, and then seems so hurt when I get mad at him about it. He will not share his feelings and insists he has none. He gets really uncomfortable when I try to share how I feel about anything. I try anyways and he pretends he didn't hear me and doesn't respond.
Sometimes he does works really hard. He likes to make food for me and seems to think I'm amazing. I'm very loyal and bonded to him and want to know what to do to try to make things better for us. I've heard of adopted children getting stuck at a younger metal age, and think this happened to him somewhere along the way. I grew up without parents, and wasn't loved as a child, and do not know what to expect from other people. I just really don't know what love is supposed to look like, but know this is so stressful and painful for me. This pregnancy has been horrific. I'm almost at the end but I've had so many complications and most of them can be traced back to stress. Now I’m bringing a new baby into this world, in a few months, and it just seems horrible and irresponsible of me. I hate going to bed because that means it’s the end of day where I didn’t get done even close to the to do list I have every day. I hate waking up in the morning because it’s the start of a new terrible day. I work two jobs, and take care of all of the responsibilities of our household. I'm exhausted. I feel like I’m in charge of everything, and have to be the bad guy, that no one likes, because I'm no fun and asking other people do chores and things that need to be done.
I have no one I can rely on. I don’t have a family or friends that are there for me, and I need a husband. What can I do to help someone of a low emotional age grow up?
I met my husband when I was 18 and married at 19. He was almost ten years older then me, but nobody would have guessed, because we acted the same age. Our marriage seemed great for the first few years but over time I feel I have been growing up, and he hasn't. I am almost thirty now, and pregnant with our second child, and everything feels like it's falling apart.
He seems to have digressed, and to me he seems to act somewhere around 15. He's gone almost A YEAR WITHOUT A JOB. He doesn't take responsibility for anything I can think of. He doesn’t watch what he eats, exercise or set up or go to doctor or dentist visits. He doesn't take responsibility for our finances, our first child, our house, our yard, shopping, cleaning and working. He doesn't make goals for himself. I try to help him make goals occasionally and then when I ask him how he's doing or if he's worked towards anything he fights back like he's rebelling or something. Then when I back off he just watches TV for days on end.
He act like a friend, and not a father, to his six year old son but takes no responsibility for him, like feeding him or putting him to bed. He doesn’t make friends with adults and says there stiff and boring. He makes friends with kids eighteen and younger. And then they grow up and they are not longer fun anymore. He seems really freaked out by intimacy. He begs and pests for it but it seems like scary to him once things are going. He doesn't do adult romantic things even when I ask for them, like dates, flowers and gifts.
Talk about not holding open doors, he shoves his pregnant wife out of the way to get through doors first, (so embarrassing) and pushes his way in, to get things first like it's a competition. He's lazy and takes over space in the house and doesn't care how much he inconveniences other people. He stays up very late watching shows and doesn’t turn down the volume until I yell at him to turn it down because I have work early in the morning.
He has a very short temper. If I seem even annoyed at him he will start yelling at me. He is very messy and yells at me when I ask him to clean up after himself, like picking up shoes or dishes. When I tell him something upset me he gets angry and defensive and doesn't apologize, and he often does it again and again. He pests me and does annoying things, and then seems so hurt when I get mad at him about it. He will not share his feelings and insists he has none. He gets really uncomfortable when I try to share how I feel about anything. I try anyways and he pretends he didn't hear me and doesn't respond.
Sometimes he does works really hard. He likes to make food for me and seems to think I'm amazing. I'm very loyal and bonded to him and want to know what to do to try to make things better for us. I've heard of adopted children getting stuck at a younger metal age, and think this happened to him somewhere along the way. I grew up without parents, and wasn't loved as a child, and do not know what to expect from other people. I just really don't know what love is supposed to look like, but know this is so stressful and painful for me. This pregnancy has been horrific. I'm almost at the end but I've had so many complications and most of them can be traced back to stress. Now I’m bringing a new baby into this world, in a few months, and it just seems horrible and irresponsible of me. I hate going to bed because that means it’s the end of day where I didn’t get done even close to the to do list I have every day. I hate waking up in the morning because it’s the start of a new terrible day. I work two jobs, and take care of all of the responsibilities of our household. I'm exhausted. I feel like I’m in charge of everything, and have to be the bad guy, that no one likes, because I'm no fun and asking other people do chores and things that need to be done.
I have no one I can rely on. I don’t have a family or friends that are there for me, and I need a husband. What can I do to help someone of a low emotional age grow up?
And knowing all this you are having a second child with him?
Look, you can't do anything other than walk out. HE is the one who has to decide to "do" something.
It's clear he has deep seated issues he needs professional help with.
If I were in your shoes I would strongly suggest he seek out some counseling.
It wouldn't hurt you to speak to someone yourself - you are under a tremendous stress load, which is not good for you or your children.
I'm sorry things are not better in your life and hope that changes in the near future!
There is nothing...not a single thing you can do to make this man change. So you have two choices...continue to play mommy to everyone in the household or end the marriage. From what you wrote it seems that the only thing he has going for him is that he will make you some food sometimes and tell you you're amazing. Wow, how impressive. Of course he thinks you're amazing...you're single handedly running the house, working two jobs while pregnant, and allowing him to live like an entitled, rebellious teenager.
As jasper intimated, you are about to become a mother of 3 because your husband acts like a baby.
I mean, as you know, this is a SERIOUS situation that you have tolerated for a long time. Usually the only thing that works when things are this bad is an ultimatum, but it is very hard to give a meaningful ultimatum when you are pregnant.
At any rate, he needs to know how you feel. You MAY be able to set effective boundaries with him, like stop doing his laundry etc so he has to wake up a bit.
But the lack of personal care combined with no help around the house and NO JOB are a tough combo to beat.
I met my husband when I was 18 and married at 19. He was almost ten years older then me, but nobody would have guessed, because we acted the same age. Our marriage seemed great for the first few years but over time I feel I have been growing up, and he hasn't. I am almost thirty now, and pregnant with our second child, and everything feels like it's falling apart.
He seems to have digressed, and to me he seems to act somewhere around 15. He's gone almost A YEAR WITHOUT A JOB. He doesn't take responsibility for anything I can think of. He doesn’t watch what he eats, exercise or set up or go to doctor or dentist visits. He doesn't take responsibility for our finances, our first child, our house, our yard, shopping, cleaning and working. He doesn't make goals for himself. I try to help him make goals occasionally and then when I ask him how he's doing or if he's worked towards anything he fights back like he's rebelling or something. Then when I back off he just watches TV for days on end.
He act like a friend, and not a father, to his six year old son but takes no responsibility for him, like feeding him or putting him to bed. He doesn’t make friends with adults and says there stiff and boring. He makes friends with kids eighteen and younger. And then they grow up and they are not longer fun anymore. He seems really freaked out by intimacy. He begs and pests for it but it seems like scary to him once things are going. He doesn't do adult romantic things even when I ask for them, like dates, flowers and gifts.
Talk about not holding open doors, he shoves his pregnant wife out of the way to get through doors first, (so embarrassing) and pushes his way in, to get things first like it's a competition. He's lazy and takes over space in the house and doesn't care how much he inconveniences other people. He stays up very late watching shows and doesn’t turn down the volume until I yell at him to turn it down because I have work early in the morning.
He has a very short temper. If I seem even annoyed at him he will start yelling at me. He is very messy and yells at me when I ask him to clean up after himself, like picking up shoes or dishes. When I tell him something upset me he gets angry and defensive and doesn't apologize, and he often does it again and again. He pests me and does annoying things, and then seems so hurt when I get mad at him about it. He will not share his feelings and insists he has none. He gets really uncomfortable when I try to share how I feel about anything. I try anyways and he pretends he didn't hear me and doesn't respond.
Sometimes he does works really hard. He likes to make food for me and seems to think I'm amazing. I'm very loyal and bonded to him and want to know what to do to try to make things better for us. I've heard of adopted children getting stuck at a younger metal age, and think this happened to him somewhere along the way. I grew up without parents, and wasn't loved as a child, and do not know what to expect from other people. I just really don't know what love is supposed to look like, but know this is so stressful and painful for me. This pregnancy has been horrific. I'm almost at the end but I've had so many complications and most of them can be traced back to stress. Now I’m bringing a new baby into this world, in a few months, and it just seems horrible and irresponsible of me. I hate going to bed because that means it’s the end of day where I didn’t get done even close to the to do list I have every day. I hate waking up in the morning because it’s the start of a new terrible day. I work two jobs, and take care of all of the responsibilities of our household. I'm exhausted. I feel like I’m in charge of everything, and have to be the bad guy, that no one likes, because I'm no fun and asking other people do chores and things that need to be done.
I have no one I can rely on. I don’t have a family or friends that are there for me, and I need a husband. What can I do to help someone of a low emotional age grow up?
He's become complacent in the relationship. He will not improve unless he is ready to improve. With that being said, I would start seeing other people. Yes I know you're married and I know you have already thought about this.
He's become complacent in the relationship. He will not improve unless he is ready to improve. With that being said, I would start seeing other people. Yes I know you're married and I know you have already thought about this.
What would people say if the op was his mom and he was carrying on like this? Just replace my 40-year-old husband with my 40-year-old son. I can't understand how someone has the nerve to call himself a husband but sits on his butt while his pregnant wife work two jobs and takes care of the house at the same time? Does this man have a concious? They really make people that selfish? This is a relationship worth saving? Also, now she is supposed to seek out more help for him (with all of her free time of course) and convince him that he needs this help when he barks if she so much as looks pissed off.
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